virtual meetings, virtual reality, virtual insanity… what’s next, virtual orchiectomy?

yall should see the way i casually and confidently stroll into an active construction site, b-line it to the porta john, tag the mf while im pissing, then stroll out the joint smoking a cig with a brand new brick in hand. pure magic

it’s yuri-nation and im pissing on every one of you little freaks

i love it when they shine their biters at me. such a pretty smile

update: i did this and then i slept like 20 hrs this weekend and now my housemates have nicknamed my gf ‘nyquil’

my partners family is taking us to godsmack and my other partners dad got us box tickets for bring me the horizon. im the luckiest girl alive 😭

cant focus. need sleep. want to get drunk and make out with my partner. god, they’re so hot 😭

i need charli xcx to drop a new album so i can get my life back together again

discovered recently that everyone (and their partners) living upstairs in my house is an exhibitionist or a cuck and not a single one of us is sure what to do with that information. HELP

me and the baddie i pulled by having hotdogtism

‘i fucked your girlfriend’ cool, so have i. what’s your point?

im gonna go cry in the shower for a minute. if anyone needs me, tell em they’re wrong.

there aint no rest for the wicked, and im far too good at sinnin’ to any thing else

eatin the pussy like it's a yogurt cup and i have no spoon

suckin on the clitty like it’s glizzies

eatin’ the pussy like it’s hotdogs

Idaho sushi.

*overheard at work* coworker 1: he looks like a girl coworker 2: he is a girl

vote for butch busch? yeah man, of course i will, im a dyke.

every time her picture comes up on my lockscreen rotation im like ‘YOOO THATS MY GIRLFRIEND !!!’

might fuck around an cuck my roommate just for fun, im not even joking 🤭🤫

was having some pain and irritation from my bottom front teeth recently (long history of dental complications, dont ask) but then i smacked my face on the steering wheel of my truck earlier and magically ive been cured :D

using the women’s restroom at work :3 jeanie can have a little bit of gender euphoria, as a treat 🤗

culling the sprouts for the benefit of stronger seedlings feels callous and cold, and i hate that it’s a necessary part of growth

the only constant is the killing power of hotdogs

ninety-nine, one hundred

have you seen this woman?

new cryptid just dropped: the hot dogman of michigan

i am this very specific type of woman

just in time for pride month, happy to announce I designed the Hot Dog flag

ahem paging @jotdog.bsky.social

kissed both of my girlfriends goodbye before i left for work today, there is beauty in the world for those with eyes to see it

all of these bitches afraid of commitment. Just call me your girlfriend already. we’re going on dates. that kind of makes us like, I don’t know, dating?

my girlfriends boyfriend made cookies. i love my girlfriends boyfriend. i love polyamory

"family dinner" sixteen gas station hot dogs

did not expect to have to say this but uhh. i guess its relevant… DO NOT proposition me for sex, please. im genuinely flattered. if thats what you want, i respect it, but you will have better luck with me if you… Idk, flirt? or ask me on a date? i like a little bit of romance with my sex, y’know.

i am good at what i do, bitch im better than you

everything is going according to plan, actually :))

been having a healthy amount of sleepy-cuddly-sloppy makeouts (and lesbian sex) with a little bit of sadomasochism for spice and its doing wonders for my mental health >:)

sorry, cant hang, well, i mean… im in a hammock. dont text

this is the only appropriate reaction to seeing me irl

had a nightmare and now i need to learn how to fight

im like actually trying to book a show this is so cool wtf

its really easy to love a bitch like me if u like hotdogs cuz i been cooking em up like crazy and boy oh boy do i love myself

ill know ive made it when ive got monster energy drink on tap

i gotta be meaner to these bitchs

transjeander

going to the mcdonalds for a fish fillet on a Friday like im catholic or something. Idk, i just like the fish fillet

just fixed my car all by myself. im the baddest bitch here

keep what u love close to your heart