Barney Ronay is terrible in a lot of ways, but I find my animosity towards him is exacerbated by the fact he’s deliberately chosen a profile picture that looks like he’s watching his own face on a Microsoft Teams call

The new Kermit voice is so jarring. Sounds nothing like him and it makes me sad

Pollster: “Do you think Keir Starmer should resign?” Me: “God yes; he’s an absolute shower of shite, a useless tosser.” Pollster: “So you think he’s to blame for the Mandelson situation?” Me: “What Mandelson situation?”

This is how it feels showing a meme you made to your partner (who isn’t terminally online)

Me, half-cut, spotting myself on camera at the self-checkout in Asda

I don’t know about you, but I think it’s nice to have a new prime minister every 2 to 3 years. Keeps things fresh 😊

How did the Gentlemen from Buffy the Vampire Slayer get hold of my email?

Labour members: it’s time

losing my mind at this photo, it's literally the 'my t-shirt' meme

Having to put my sunglasses on because of the blinder he’s played here

🎶 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song 🎶

I can’t express strongly enough how little I give a fuck about ‘passing on my genes’

anyway, listen to @bloodwork.show

Yes, because if there’s one thing we know about the Labour party, it’s that its MPs always commit to whatever its members demand

OPEN THE SCHOOLS

Do they actually believe we’re this stupid?

starmer is hilarious: Mandelson can only be removed from Lords by an Act of Parliament, so you can see why, as Prime Minister, there is nothing I can do

Labour defined its enemy a long time ago

Imagine priding yourself on being an iconoclast, a brave truth-teller and free-thinker, and then finding out you’d been manipulated into holding those beliefs by the world’s most notorious paedophile. Embarrassing

The sooner I go to bed, the sooner I have to wake up and go to work. And I’ll be godDAMNED if I let that happen

*ahem* Tronald Dump

Check out these absolute units

tfw you have two Sunday dinners in one day

“You haven’t smoked 20 cigarettes a day for 20 years? Polanski, you BORING BASTARD”

Bourbons are so overrated it’s ridiculous. Dry, dull, not nearly chocolatey enough

I thought you were great in that iconic scene from Scanners but this ain’t an argument I can get behind, Mark

Learning without a modicum of shock that the BBC gave a platform to this guy

From: Elon Musk To: Jeffrey Epstein <[email protected]> Sent: 12/18/2019 10:15:43 I’m begginning to suspect theres another group chat From: Jeffrey Epstein <[email protected]> To: Elon Musk Sent: 12/18/2019 14:32:34 U r being para noid my friemd

You: using a VPN to watch a video of two consenting adults having sex Rich people: emailing each other on an unsecured server about the sex crimes they’re planning to commit together

‘Increasingly influential online communities […] can radicalise even suburban pensioners.’ EVEN suburban pensioners. EVEN. As if that group is not the most likely to be radicalised

I’m begging someone from the DOJ to read up on the Streisand Effect

Catherine O’Hara changed the way I say ‘the baby’ forever, and for that, I’ll always be grateful to her

When Antifa switches from unmasking neo-Nazis to exposing ICE

I know it’s almost passé to refer to the ruling party in America as Nazis, but it’s probably still worth pointing out the historical parallels

I don’t know why you’d bother with this when The Beatles Anthology exists

Watching The Apprentice, trying to work out who is most likely to be running one of Nigel Farage’s concentration camps in 5 years’ time

90% of Darren Aranofsky’s AI prompts are just ‘Make it more like Satoshi Kon’

Apart from in any of the existing media that has been plagiarised to make this, of course

Sex Matters? Damn, why don’t you try having some, then

Marry early? How, when you don’t go out, and the little free time you have is spent running and lifting?

Obviously this isn’t a question I’d ask of any rational person with critical thinking skills, but if the ‘Deep State’ had the capacity to rig an election so that Biden won in 2020, how and why is Donald Trump the president right now?

Invision of Privacy

Actually uncanny

EVER CHANGING PURITY TEST 2008: Austerity will cause fascism. EVER CHANGING PURITY TEST 2009: Austerity will cause fascism. EVER CHANGING PURITY TEST 2010: Austerity is causing fascism. [...] EVER CHANGING PURITY TEST 2026: Austerity has caused fascism.