Me turning up at your door wearing what is very obviously a headset I made at home from loo roll tubes: “hello I am from shift. I am here to clean your valuables.”

Labour really do keep digging out these has-been irrelevant ghouls to pontificate on stuff they know *nothing* about. The best people to listen to about why it is so hard to get a job when you’re young & what we should do about that are young people themselves.

The phrase ‘courtesy water’ has fundamentally shifted something in my brain. This is water that is being distributed to people who have no supply out of the taps in their homes because their water company is run for profit, not to ensure the safe and consistent supply of an essential service

My friend’s Aunty is visiting him here in London from Pakistan and my poor friend cannot make this elderly belligerent legend understand that he is not able to arrange for her to go for tea with Sadiq Khan.

Love how he’s seen poll after poll telling everyone Streeting is less popular than *starmer* and he’s thought: the solution is for me to go and patronise them all in person. That is how we win

Three years ago a friend of mine left her horrid dickhead husband and took the kids to live up north near her family. She and her kids are *thriving* in their new life so the lesson here is: if your man is an arsehole you should leave him

I like Zack Polanski and I like the Pope

The SHEER brass neck of calling this a ‘highly unusual intervention’ as though this absolute cunt has managed more than a fortnight without an ‘intervention’ in the almost two decades since he stopped being prime minister, fuck OFF

Off to bed with a hot water bottle that’s been in the freezer all day. Get on my level

Obviously we do not police what other people wear on their bodies for their comfort in a heatwave but I do have QUESTIONS for the man currently strolling down Camden High Street wearing a full length puffer coat

Having a great time in my twenty six degree bedroom, love it love it love it

"So it keeps the heat in when it's cold out?" "Oh, God, no"

10 degrees on Shetland at the moment, the lucky fucks

“I am quite happy to knock about on the social media platform that has the worst track record for facilitating fascism and CSA because of the sparkling conversation it is possible to have, surrounded by abusers and Nazis”

Don’t let me catch you not drinking water and not putting your suncream on

I’ve done something terrible

Hello I am too hot

Not even 8am and I have already seen a post saying that trade unions shouldn’t be doing anything on the climate crisis because that is not a worker issue - as though workers do not also breathe toxic air, suffer in excessive heat, or watch their wages vanish in a puff of smoke when food prices rise

We actually can just all decide we’re not fucking having it. Boot transphobes, not trans people, out of our shared spaces.

A hat trick of bigotry and cruelty today for the UK government and yet some people will still look you in the face and say Vote Labour. Get fucked.

I am so tired of reading updates about the latest state harassment inflicted on my friends, my family, my comrades & my community. I am sickened that this barbarity is presented to us as the pursuit of ‘dignity’ or ‘fairness’ when all of it is cruel, spiteful & degrading. I am tired and I am sad.

“By bringing employers, the NHS, and patients together we can help people recover faster, stay connected to their jobs, and get the economy firing on all cylinders.” — your boss will be able to harass you about returning to profit generation when you are not well, and we will call this ‘connection’

Only time he actually seems vaguely happy is when he gets to announce the racism’s working

If you’re a cis woman and you see toilet policing going on then you fucking step in to defend the woman or non-binary person being harassed. It might feel unsafe to do so but I guarantee you this: in the long term, it will be more dangerous to let them normalise attempts at genital inspection

This is from someone I won’t tag so as to minimise weirdo interactions: not disputing the amount of genuine nasty bigotry in Labour, but as well as that there's cynical careerism and belief that things like being trans and/or neurodivergent are silly distractions from your contribution to line go up

Labour are disgusting. They have pandered to a tiny band of bigots in order to ruin the lives of trans women who pose no threat at all to any of us. This is targeted at trans women who will bear the brunt of it but you’re a fool if you don’t recognise that it harms us all.

Even if he wins in Makerfield and then successfully challenges Starmer to become PM, nothing will change. The misery and degradation they are heaping on us will continue, just with a northern accent.

I don't really buy the 'data analysis' methodology for this but the general observation that the UK far right, including Reform, is getting more vocal about abortion is an important warning to heed. www.opendemocracy.net/aabortion-re...

Sorry what the fuck do you mean it’s going to be thirty degrees in London next week

Uber driver has just done the eggiest, nastiest fart I’ve ever experienced and then looked at me in the rear view mirror and said “bad smell. Is drains”. 5 stars

Alexa play Orinoco Flow

“I know, Andy, it is an unusual room for an MP selection panel meeting, isn’t it, but this has all been very last minute. Please, after you”

Andrew Lloyd Webber crying www.equity.org.uk/news/2026/we...

This is the one that's emotionally got me. You can have a historical debate on whether the British state legislated to get rid of Welsh speakers, but it unquestionably legislated to erase Welsh-language government. Now the Welsh cabinet can debate solely in Welsh, untranslated, for the first time

If i lived in Makerfield I’d be wondering why I am apparently supposed to vote for someone who has already made it clear he didn’t really give a fuck about *where* he stands for election because my area is a mere stepping stone to number 10

So great how the only seat this group of 400 MPs could muster up was one that there’s a solid chance they’ll lose

Got very little food in so went to order two burgers, one large fries and a milkshake for partner and I. THIRTY EIGHT POUNDS. Beans on toast it is.

Lots of Labour Party councillors who lost their seats have gotten really fucking weird down the rabbit holes of ‘monitoring Zack polanski’s bluesky account’ and ‘blaming the electorate for not voting for them’

You should not be able to write posts. Like this. With loads of space in between the text just so your post takes up more space. Whilst people are scrolling and so they’re more likely to engage with it. It is fucking weird to post like this and people *cough Owen Jones cough* should stop it.

In 2015 I was on the unite the union panel which interviewed all the Labour people who wanted to be Mayor of London to see which one of them would get the union’s endorsement. Dunno why I was there tbh - wasn’t a Labour member. But anyway this lad was Sadiq Khan’s bag carrier back then

So the next few months is - 1) Burnham stands in Makerfield 2) Burnham loses to Reform 3) Streeting challenges Starmer in a leadership contest 4) Starmer wins Cool cool coo, sounds great yeah

Why will people look at you like you’ve just punched their granny when you open the window on a very smelly bus. It fucking HONKS in here love what’s wrong with you

If members of the party I was an MP for did a vote that said I was less popular than Yvette Cooper or Pat McFadden I could simply never leave the house again, never mind continue to promote myself as a replacement Prime Minister Jesus fucking CHRIST

Someone I went to school with is currently on holiday in Israel, chilling out on a Tel Aviv beach, posting Instagram stories about how ‘gay friendly’ he’s finding the place

Terrorist convictions mean you serve your full jail term. You can't travel to another country. The police decide if you get bank accounts, phones and computers and they have open access to all of them. For life. Absolutely insane to secretly use this on kids convicted of criminal damage. Deranged.

Now we’re talking. None of this “he should set out a timetable” flimflam - stick the fucking boot in

you have to admit that this is very, very funny

People hate Starmer because he so perfectly encapsulates the worst manager or landlord they’ve ever had, so it is in fact entirely fitting that the one thing he is unequivocal on is the defence of his own position. Self-interest & enrichment are the motivating forces of his entire class