WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK.

Dems spending a bunch of money to learn how to talk to men ft. Zuck training to smile and appear more human.

Giving a transphobe a brain aneurysm by showing them the cultural shift from boy shirts at walmart being like "Will trade sister for a dinosaur pizza" to mom shirts being like "I will kill my whole family if I don't get my frappucino".

Calling other men "brother" is the definition of male existence.

Pete Hegseth texting family like

Is cum an aioli?

Finding a cure for depression, but it's just that I decide to become one of those guys who nods a lot in passing and walks around like they're constantly using a StairMaster.

*Me turning my head while laying on the alien probing table and seeing an abducted cow next to me.* Me: Cow.

You don't need an April Fool's Day when you're a fool every day.

[genie emerges] "it is i, the genie. i will now grant you three wi...what are you doing" me: "definitely not masturbating with this lamp" genie: me: genie: "okay, well, gross, but whatever. what is your first wish" me: "can you .. go back inside the lamp?" genie: me: "sorry, i *wish* you'd g-

What the hell is this guy’s problem?

Opinion: If Drag Is So Harmless Then Why Do I Have This Terrifying Erection thehardtimes.net/blog/opinion...

this is how it feels scroll thru the names of lists i'm on: - cool people - funny posters - leftists (positive) - da funny zone - agents that are gangstalking me (get out of my walls!!) - people i wish were my dad - the homies - leftists (derogatory) - greg's starter pack

I Trapped A 15-Year Old in an Experimental Mobile Suit. If he stays in it until the end of the One Year War, he gets to live!

just found out the laptop grill guy was also a boxer. learning so much today on bluesky, the everything app

I’ve started carrying this knife with me at work. Haven’t needed it yet but I do feel 25% cuntier

"i don't drink cuz it's too exensive" a handle of vodka is $10. grow up

millennials will be like i know a banger and it's the reading rainbow theme song. and they're right

You been stuffing your money in a mattress? I hide mine in the back tank of the Skibidi Toilet. We are not the same.

I think the worst part of buying gas station food is that they never put the microwave instructions on the ice cream.

i just read the JFK files and woah, turns out he died or was killed maybe..? wow. stay safe out there

It's always "boygenius this" or "boygenius that". We get it. They're everyone's favorite lesbians and they're good at music. Nobody ever asks how I'm doing.. (My parents got hooked on the good stuff and named me girldumbass)

Netflix needs to get their crap together. I'm TRYING to watch The Rizzler box DJ Khaled's son here and it's been nothing but buffering since the prelims. SMH.

Oh, that city? You mean the one on the West Coast? Ompton, Alifornia? (I'm not one for the smoke, brother)

System of a Down isn't Nu-Metal. They're just B-52s or Talking Heads if their music was made by The Hat Man.

"Glock burst like bratwurst to leave the opps worse" --probably Westside Gunn

Me when the bot tech bro accounts try to flirt in DMs like "Hey, Mark. :)"

Bluesky just passed 33 million users. It has achieved the Andrew Bynum in a Sixers jersey of milestones.

Does that guy from Imagine Dragons get tang or does all that stuff he does give enough of an ick to shut down the conversation?

What if life really is like The Truman Show, but I'm the only person whose shampoo looks suspiciously like jizz? What if they all watch and laugh as I use the shampoo? :(

Buck teeth, but it's actually the other 26.

Yo, you mean they're putting drugs in the fentanyl?

Someone tell Kendrick Lamar I heard that little jit Ryan's World talking smack on the West coast. Down with the whole industry of selling little surprise toys inside of a bigger toy.

25% tariffs??? Jesus christ. Canadian fentanyl is expensive enough as it is!

Gay Lil Jon be like "BACK SHOTs SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS".

"Mama, a whole bunch of asteroids behind you."--Me to Caitlin Clark or something

I like to think that rather than Ed Sheeran playing all his own songs for his wedding, he just brought in like Westside Gunn for the live performance.

I took her to Roku City and I freaked it.

I think the real test for RFK Jr. is whether or not he can Jonathan Isaac to play 60 games.

Is it also barrel chested?

To Pimp a Fluttershy (Don't you people fucking come for me)

You guys think Bernie Sanders cranks hog?

My pronouns are CAPTAIN/COKE.