Already bracing myself for Eating Noises.

Pretending to be watching Star Wars for the first time with a friend and every time a new character shows up on screen saying, “Who’s this asshole?”

I know everyone’s focused on the Dersh part of this, but I just wanna say, Dana Loesch? The school-shooting enthusiast? Who bristles with contempt and hostility?

I’m guilty too but god this place would be better if we could all agree not to dunk on accounts with less than a hundred followers

At a certain point, all the Nuzzi/Lizza/RFK/Sanford/whatever stuff starts to feel like we're all being forced to participate in some weird fetish of the media elite.

How old am I ? Well, I can remember when normal people just called it the day after Thanksgiving instead of Black Friday.

Today in 1988 Mystery Science Theater 3000 premiered on KTMA in St. Paul Minnesota. #MST3K

Come not between the Nazgûl and his prey, Charlie Brown.

The Goddamndest thing about it is that exactly two times I have found a cable someone needed in that box. Now I can never throw it out.

No one over 40 should know the names of any YouTubers. The fact that the name "MrBeast" is in my brain is an obscenity.

Now, the last thing I want to do is say that the Republican Party has been the party of fascism since Nixon, by which I mean I intend to say it on my deathbed.

Actual Texans with extremely Texas names: Lute Riley (car dealer) Weldon Porter (guy my mom grew up with) Garlyn Shelton (car dealer) Brewster McCracken (former Austin City Council member)

I mean, do we need any more evidence that it’s just dominance fantasy all the way down for these dork-ass freaks?

This Friday’s favorite is “The Unforgettable Fire” by U2.

My fondness for hyenas continues unabated. I hope Harley’s back to crushing bones with her powerful jaws in no time.

I’ll never get used to the weird Trump-sitting-at-the-desk-and-looking-up-sideways-at-his-guest-or-guests pictures.

This Friday’s favorite is “The Unforgettable Fire” by U2.

Starting to contribute more stuff at The Onion but I’m looking for assistant work in comedy. Please let me know of any assistant work or writing submission opportunities in that area! I’d love to get to New York eventually. Email is on my website amyash.me, or DM here.

I wish I could tell 12–year-old me that a group of comedians playing D&D sold out Madison Square Garden AND the Hollywood Bowl.

Devastated to learn there’s only one Lamme’s Candies location in Austin now.

Fellow-passengers to the grave, I endorse this endorsement.

As the holiday season approaches I'll re-up my annual recommendation that you read A Christmas Carol at some point during the season, especially if you've never read it before. It's a classic for a reason. Absolute banger.

The swastika, that famously ambiguous symbol.

Musk's ego was mortally wounded by Joyce Carol Oates and he's been on a narcissistic supply bender since

🚨 Flash Flood Emergency for Menard 🚨 This is a particularly dangerous situation for parts of Concho, McCulloch, and Menard Counties. At 1:35PM, Radar and gauges indicate 6–9 inches of rain, with another 3–5 inches possible.

Clifford “Buzz” Grambo is just an incredible name. I couldn’t come up with a more fun name if you gave me a week. Top notch.

This is seriously the most pathetic thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve lived with me my whole life.

Naming my next son Mobilubricatio.

Can’t believe the whole country has to suffer through the return of Dickensian childhood diseases because the worst, most ignorant attention-demanders decided other people’s expertise makes them feel bad

It’s probably fine that neither the richest man in the world nor the most powerful man in the world can tolerate even a hint of even the most legitimate criticism, right?

Telling my special computer program “dad bod = lean and wiry.”

Maybe you’ve already seen this, but I just ran across it yesterday. Fills my heart with glee. Don’t watch it at work without headphones.

Creating a computer program that tells everyone I am one of the top 10 most secure and well-adjusted boys on the planet.

I want to very gently say something, and I hope nobody will be mad: If somebody on the internet says something that is NOT about politics and NOT about how terrible everything is, it’s a kindness not to reflexively make a comment (in jest or not) that brings it back to those things.

Once again, if you think I’m going to go to the trouble of learning which one is Matt Taibbi and which one is Matt Yglesias, you can fuck right off.

the gulf between the swift brutality with which places like harvard treated students protesting genocide and the endless, endless latitude those same institutions have given people like larry summers tells you everything you need to know

I feel about Men’s Day the same way I feel about Boss’s Day, and I’ll leave it to you to figure out what way that is.

My brother, a fitness nut who runs marathons, had to have a stent put in for a nearly completely blocked artery.

Cornbread dressing and sweet potatoes.

Just based on my own experience, this seems to be a recent-ish thing, at least in Texas. Never saw macaroni and cheese at the Thanksgiving table when I was growing up, but since then it’s become a welcome addition.

Incredible how whenever Trump puts together a legal team, it’s just nonstop Four Seasons Total Landscaping moments.

Just a complete piece of shit. Just an absolute, top-to-bottom, no-other-ingredients piece of shit is president of the United States.

Every time a big account posts a video of Ben Shapiro or Dr Jordan B Peterson there are always some people learning for the first time that they really sound like that

Ben Shapiro is a podcaster for a living. Makes a living with his voice. That voice—Ben Shapiro’s voice—makes him money. People voluntarily listen to that voice. For hours at a time.

I don’t want to hear about norms, I don’t want to hear about looking forward not back, I don’t want to hear about “bipartisanship” I want the filibuster gone, the court packed, new states, and a top to bottom cleaning of the federal government that ends with a lot of people in jail

I think the Let’s Get Rid of All These Fuckers message is going to be a real winner.

I can’t learn any more gross things about gross people. Please.

Rhyming-ad season is upon us, and I would once again like to beg ad writers to read up on scansion.

I just . . . Childcare isn’t a “goodie.” If you want a society in which every adult has to work, then somebody has to watch the children.