Ah, yes, we’ll scatter the vowels around so none of the consonants feel like they’re being bullied.

Absolutely sociopathic behavior for someone to put the letters in a specific order and demand we adhere to it.

Could you imagine if this fucknut accidentally repealed the 2nd? The cosmic accidents that would have to make that happen!

Might be fun to stop the gears entirely and see what happens.

It can get lower!

Sometimes I write something on this app and then remember that my full name is on here. Mortifying shit.

Gonna go replace my balls with Koosh.

pitch: dance movie set at a carnival where a bunch of the young employees and performers have to save their small hometown fun park from getting bought out and rebranded by a theme attractions megacorp, through the power of dance. it's called Step Right Up.

Donate directly to help folks in Minneapolis and Brennan will match it. I did my bit. Even if it’s only $5 it will make a difference!

For those who desperately want to do something to help, this link is a good place to start. www.standwithminnesota.com

this is a small thing but it would be nice to feel good about paying taxes. i would like to write a check to the government and think about kids going to school and freshly paved roads not all the death squads my income helps fund.

ICE murdered a nurse today

**ART.**

Never gave this much thought until now, but Briana Evigan must feel kind of amazing to know that she’s on this poster not once, not twice, but three times. Like they cut Moose out of the poster to put her in it again!

time flies when you haven't been killed

218 people voted to fund the child kidnapping ring and masked death squads.

ME: [absentmindedly kicks a stone] GEOLOGIST: My thesis!!

There is going to come a time in your life when you are chatting with a guy, at a barbecue or something, a new coworker maybe, a dad at school drop off, and he tells you he used to be in ICE. You’re going to need to spit on that guy

This pitch rules and literally every indie outfit should be in a bidding war for this right now.

Volunteers have spent the past 12 hours scouring the wreckage. No survivors have been found in the aftermath of Whiskey Fridays with Tony Doukopil.

the problem with an untrained secret police squad that shoots people in their cars isn’t that they’re untrained

These barbarians are destroying everything that makes society work. Kids can't go to school, patients can't go to the hospital. We are, in effect, paying them to wreck the basic infrastructure of the country

the democrats are right we should focus on kitchen table issues. for example there is a guy at my kitchen table who wants to shoot me in the face with a gun

*posting on twitter* oh ho, I’ve made a wry observation. Better make sure a bunch of pedophiles see it

"Elon Musk limits the generation of child sexual abuse material to paying customers"

Perspicacity means you’re good at sweating.

Do I know anyone in the Boston area who is looking to adopt a very cute and loving little dog? Sounds kinda like a win-win to me if you’re down.

masked, unidentified goons who assault and murder with impunity. a literal gestapo.

my grade school friends max and david have launched a deeply inadvisable podcast in where they review one oreo flavor per episode. here we are discussing the nose notes of the chinese variety, "cheese." it's called "double stuff." god help us all. 🍪

Like Lupin III, important periods of my life can be cleanly categorized by which jacket I wore all the time.

You've probably seen the @dropout.tv sketch about our beloved cookie, but did you know that @samreich.bsky.social did a lot of (pretty gross) research for it?

Picture a crab. Now picture yourself putting a little wig on the crab and kissing it. Ok stop that now, you're being weird

@samreich.bsky.social regales us with tales from his childhood, and the allure of forbidden things, like Oreos or TV shows with scratching on screen.

Alexander tells us about the childhood snack that DID have the power to infest his brain and lay eggs...figuratively.

sometimes I’ll make a joke to my wife and she’ll roll her eyes and ask if I’m “gonna post that one on bluesky.” I mean, yes, but her tone is very hurtful

Sometimes you think an idea has been with you your whole life, but it turns out you're lying to yourself and everything is a sham.

Me: I'm going to spend some time reflecting on New Year's Day. Secret Dracula: Me too. I love reflecting and I love the day.

The season 2 finale begins with special guests @samreich.bsky.social and @alexandernemser.bsky.social joining us to try a truly special flavor: Cheese!!! Join us and pretend you've also been our friend for 40 years. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/c... #samreich #oreo

Turns out @alexandernemser.bsky.social hasn't eaten thousands of Oreos in his lifetime...like some people.

. @samreich.bsky.social regales us with tales of his fully stocked pantry and his style of devouring forbidden fruit.

I have released three nude and greased up rockabilly guys into city hall. Should my demands not be met, more greasy rockabilly mayhem will be unleashed against the city.

I am insanely excited to have our dear friends @alexandernemser.bsky.social and @samreich.bsky.social on the show! They were kind, funny, wise, and deeply confused by how David and I have chosen to live our lives.

@mc.frontalot.com HOW DID YOU KNOW!?!?

Some say Oreos were sung into creation, some say they were left here by aliens, some say it was simply fate that brought them to our lands. Nobody knows.