Went on a date and the restaurant made us watch this video after we ordered fully loaded nachos? My date said, “I’ve never heard anything like that before, that is so weird. But I guess if that’s a rule, thanks.”

They were sick of the cat & mouse game. Because, Dodgers—you’re no Tom.

Madeline Dean: “The president is unhinged. He is unwell.” Mike Johnson:

Hegseth's final summing up:

She just keeps eating leaves. She says she's not eating them, then we go to the vet the vet says, "Yeah, we found a bunch of leaves in there.”

[screams with fear]

Donald Trump doesn't want anyone else to have hair

if anyone was wondering about the entire order line read of the 55 burger sketch in German

Me when I go to pee in my toilet but I realize it got replaced with a joke toilet that's 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 for farts:

this exists it is called thinking

I think I might not like my job.

listening to kash patel crashing out over being asked simply yes or no questions

“Does Donald Trump appear in the Epstein Files?” Kash Patel:

My date's eating all the fully loaded nachos. All the ones with the meat and cheese and everything, the ones that are fully loaded, she's hogging them, so I'm mostly getting just, like, just chips.

THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT’S a chunky.

He wanted to get t-shirts made

having a lot of fun doing ITYSL ITYSL mashups in this thread come join us for much needed laughs

brian kilmeade:

the inside of Trump's brain

Susan, did I tell you that their President tried to do a coup, too?

This is the most Conner O'Malley video of all time

55 burgers 55 fries

I Think You Should Leave's Sam Richardson on 'uproar' baby Bart Harley Jarvis would cause at TIFF 👶🏻

Truly one of the stupidest and also best jokes in sitcom history

Me when my favorite app/website wants me to use its new ⁺✧AI tool: