Chuck’s finger literally on my pulse.

We're witnessing the most aggressive, fanatical crackdown on free speech in my lifetime. The speed and breadth of government censorship and private sector and nonprofit capitulation has been astonishing. As has the lack of urgency/silence from people who've long claimed to care about this stuff.

“This is our Reichstag fire!” they cried, as Kirk lay dead. Yes, you fucking freaks, we know. I do not want and have never wanted any of them dead. I want them to chill out and be normal for the first time in their lives.”

We should turn them all off, just in case.

“That’s my best friend / she’s a real bad bitch….”

We are thrilled for Rebecca Orchant, whose wry culinary memoir, Simmering, was just announced as a finalist for the 2025 Lammy Award in Bisexual Nonfiction. Congrats @smcpickles.bsky.social! ueplit.short.gy/simmering “Rebecca Orchant is your bestie at a queer dinner party ..." Alexander Cheves

PSA for everyone going to protests

I love you guys so much, but like, stop starting Substacks in 2025! Are you not ever on the internet?

We can’t wait for you to meet Fernando.

If you’re not sure who this is about, then it might be about you, fella.

you don't need chatGPT i am perfectly capable of drinking a bottle of water and lying to you

Oops, I’ll be thinking about this for the rest of my tiny little life.

Everyone feels like our brains are leaking out of our ears, right?

We are deporting our best and brightest, sending them to be enslaved in torture camps with no hope of release, for protesting this. For protesting the government that massacres aid workers and dumps their bodies in mass graves. How does any human with a soul and a conscience not oppose this?

I’ve been thinking a lot about “How to Cook A Wolf” lately, and came back to it after 15ish years. I liked it a lot better this time and I hate the reason why. provincetownindependent.org/food-drink/r...

ICE has already moved Rumeysa Ozturk to Louisiana in violation of a court order signed last night ordering her not to be removed from Massachusetts. This is rendition to avoid legal process and to torture detainees in Louisiana. apnews.com/article/tuft...

It’s like Watergate but you gave everyone a concussion first.

The wealthiest man in the world has fully purchased the federal government of the United States. This is one of the most extraordinary crises in the history of this country and you need to ask whether your elected representatives are acting like it.

My friend Joey is great at putting words together, and also, apparently, breaking my heart into a million pieces. This is wonderful and awful at the same time. joeyholman.substack.com/p/the-holy-m...

If this becomes the prevailing wisdom for the foreseeable future in the US, the detriment will be staggering. Medical professionals, professors, food service workers, agriculture workers, tourists — hard to think of a facet of our daily lives that isn’t improved by and reliant upon these folks.

This headline should read that this young doctor was DEPORTED. She was shipped out of Boston Logan Airport to Paris, even after a judge ruled that she not be. We can’t let this stuff happen, people. There were no charges. She has an H1B visa. RI needs Drs. www.bostonglobe.com/2025/03/14/m...

Hey, @markey.senate.gov, @warren.senate.gov, @pressley.house.gov, @keating.house.gov — is this how we want the world to see Boston’s airport? Do we need to tell our loved ones not to visit and not to leave from there?

New achievement unlocked: I’m my own sleep paralysis demon.

It was weird out there in the middle of this gigantic country, but I’ll be goddamned if we didn’t eat like kings.

if you find yourself reluctant to support the guy at Columbia because you find some of the politics he espoused distasteful or even abhorrent, you should know that this is exactly the reaction that they hoped for in choosing him as a target for unlawful detention based on political speech.

elect people who will literally punch a nazi not people whose idea of standing up to fascism is crafting and selling merch.

Indiana, you leave this woman and her wonderful project the fuck alone right now.

All I actually need in life is a pleasant dining companion and a femme bartender who calls me baby.

I put my pants on just like everyone else: crying

Pretty sure my mom’s stand-mixer is older than me.

My two favorite things about Maryland are blue crabs covered in an irresponsible amount of Old Bay, and the tidewater accent, in which I would listen to someone read an entire dictionary.

In a diner in central Pennsylvania — the waitress just asked if I want my eggs scrambled or “dippy-inny,” and I fell in love with her and also feel like I’m from a different planet.

if i keep hearing people say "why would they do this" i'm actually going to lose my mind

It sounds so simplistic, but the master plan for this entire administration is literally to identify any function of government that demonstrably improves American’s lives or helps them in any way, and smash it with a fucking hammer.

Congratulations to the brain worm.

Oh, wait, I’m supposed to pay taxes to this government? Adorable.

installing yourself as head of the Kennedy Center doesn't make you cool, it makes the Kennedy Center irrelevant

We’re talking about the thing that can’t get wet, right?

I genuinely don’t know how you can have more than…I dunno 10 million dollars and not become a complete maniac. Like you have enough money to eat Thai food each day, you can go anywhere, have any normal person experience, what the fuck are you doing with anything more than that, freak shit that’s it.

Every group chat better prepare themselves for this photo every time I’m about to talk shit, which is most of the times.

About to embark on a cross-country road trip. Please hit me with your must-eats in/near: - Lancaster, PA - Roanoke, VA - Knoxville, TN - Little Rock, AR - Oklahoma City, OK Thank you love you!

Today at the grocery store, I picked up a chuck roast to make beef stew during the snow tomorrow, and the elderly man next to me said, “Hope you didn’t have to take out a second mortgage for that roast.” I said I’d refinanced after my last dozen eggs and we both laughed. And then I wanted to die?

So, I guess we have to start showing “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” in school now?

don’t get overwhelmed! pick 2-3 things and focus your energy there. for example, I am: - crying in my morning coffee - making a list of people I would like to catapult out to sea - staring out the window

They’re basically live-streaming Watergate.

right now what the soft animal of my body loves is an exceedingly graphic mental image of about thirty specific people getting their faces melted off by the Ark of the Covenant

Truly a collection of this era’s most gigantic losers. Previously never before seen levels of unfuckable uncoolness. They’ll go down in history as the bland, paste-complexioned, pointy-headed dweebs of all time.

not no: soupanddespair.beehiiv.com/p/subtle-as-...

Lol, next week on “Soup & Despair.” @flynnwaslike.bsky.social