Trump on the campaign trail: I will turn the Titanic around on day one, believe me. I will turn it around so fast that these lying hatemongers [motions to adoring press] will say it’s sinking

Just donated. Please join me if you can. Thank you.

She nels on my man til I dela

If I biffed it so hard that Plato wrote about it, I would simply jump into the calm sea and never return

Red wave!!

Imagine being so fucked up that you still feel pain when someone else gets shot, even if you yourself are not injured!

If we had to secure this one citizen’s rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, we’d have to do it for everyone. And then where would we be?

This just gave me an idea

"Hey, my eyes are up here! No, keep going. Little more. Little more. There ya go."

Who watches the watchers? Will Stancil

If you plant kernels in a specific pattern, sooner or later you will have to face the corn sequences

RIP Scot Adams, you will never 69

Technically, all numbers are four, the magic number. Eight is five and five is four and four is the magic number

As I understand it, anyone making shitty comments about Renee Good gets fired. Is that right?

What’s that one iconic Steven Spielberg movie? It’s on the tip of my tongue. Music is by John Williams.

Millions of Venezuelans take to the streets in Caracas to protest America's pedophile führer over his attack and kidnapping of Nicolás Maduro, and audacious plundering and pillaging of Venezuela's oil and natural resources. 😳👇

amazing how the entire machine can pivot within 24 hours. no need to slowly upsell the argument; just issue new marching orders

So we’re going to quit the nation-building part?

No, New Wars!

What’s more free than something you have to spend billions of dollars to get?

It used to be that you could take over a whole country by kidnapping their leader, but they patched that several updates ago

This is the present liberals want to see

The future that conservatives want to see is a wave that’s about to crash into an okd ass car

E.T. (1982)

Her husband ran off with that Puttanesca

This is not funny or cute. Cybertrucks only do this when they’re on any sort of incline.

Shitty place you got here. It would be a shame if something happened to it.

Can we have a national vote on this?

Say what you will about Bari Weiss’s media savvy. I’m considering watching a 60 Minutes piece for the first time in…ever

Finally something we can all agree on. White Christian conservative men need to lose their power.

No great loss. Come at me, Yang Gang

Simply supplant your father and bed your mother. What’s the problem here, Andrew?

this dumb bitch

Imagine Jack Black as Calvin and Chris Pratt as Hobbes. The thing writes itself. In fact, why not just give it to an AI to write, produce and voice. We could have it out in time for Christmas!

Who Clogged the Toilet and then Made it Worse by Flushing Until it Overflowed? Count Me Out. by David Brooks

Make 👏 Dicks 👏 And 👏 Balls 👏 More 👏 Affordable

Jeff Lincoln - “Don’t bring us into this”

Soon to be renamed the Chili’s-Office Depot Center

If you’re planning on listening to Trump speak, why not do literally anything else?

During the Christmas season, churches should switch to eggnog and peppermint bark for communion

My favorite part of the Trump’s first term was the constant firings and resignations. It has been sadly missing from this one. May we see more of this!

Hope Jobs Cash

Long Knives Out

How is this dozy motherfucker going to give a speech at 9 pm?

I desperately need an anthropomorphic animal to sell me health insurance

Susie Trump is really in for it now

It’s been =DAYS(TODAY(),”11/19/2025”) since Trump signed the Epstein files bill and we haven’t seen anything. What is the delay??