I need a house hippo. Not the normal, dangerous kind of hippo. The type of hippo in a tutu we all saw on the cover of that book at the book fair as a kid.& I need it to do housework. But this isn’t sexist. I’d prefer this to be a male hippo in a tutu doing chores. Any male in a tutu can do my chores

So, Friday night, kiddo and I were extras in a Christmas movie. Today, I went back to set to snag a little bag of fake snow so I can make us relic cards of the experience. Because apparently just seeing the movie wouldn’t be enough.

Billion dollar idea: Cookie butter uncrustables

Kiddo: Mom, I know I’m almost 12, but I still believe dinosaurs are real Long story short, apparently some kids gaslit her into “belief” in dinosaurs is opinion. Fuck living in a red county. She literally felt guilty for believing in science. What the what

Poltergeist 2: Back in the habit

Sure, I could pay to get an actual diagnosis, but when I was 6 for Christmas the only thing I asked for was an Atachè case. I think I’ll save my 300 bucks.

11 year old: How much does a job cost? This is the 4th year she’s asked this question. I think I need to simplify and stop telling her they take your time, patience, and often your sanity.

Rinvoq commercial comes on Kiddo: hey, that guy is from the Jardiance commercial! That’s it, no more TV. Ever

Me: holy fucking hell, kid, it’s my gosh, too! Stop being so fucking possessive! I raised you to share. The goal being, of course, not to get her to say “Oh OUR gosh,” because that is ridiculous. But simply to say “Oh my God” because she knows I’m not religious, so nut up or shut up.

Swapped to a cheaper gym this year. Also, supposedly 24 hours. Just arrived there- it’s closed at 9:30. It is open 24 hours TWO days a week. Tuesday and Wednesday. I’d ask why, but there’s nobody here to ask. My old gym opened via our app on our phone, 365 days a year. Fuck.

Wait So When Yall talk about house hippos, we’re not just talking about ourselves?

My hometown (where I was raised, not born) is literally known worldwide for murder. Both high in numbers, and simply lots of famous murders here, and murderers from here. And in 2025 they had ZERO homicides. The world may be going to shit, But I’ll take wins where I can get them.

Well, that's another year of comics in the bag! If you enjoy the stuff I create, kindly consider sharing this post, leaving a tip, or becoming a monthly subscriber. Big thanks for your support over the past year.

All the people watching Stranger things that want Max and Lucas to wind up together calling themselves Lumax Stans are silly. Mucas is a far better couple name

There needs to be a feature on my TV where I can mute the commentators but not the rest of the game sound. This skeet is sponsored by the comparison of Caleb THE ICEMAN Williams to friggin' Rodgers. I mean...

I'm in Key West today and bro look. He's doing the thing. HE'S DOING THE THING

Convinced the end of Stranger things will hinge upon Djo’s hit “Chicago” and its premise.

Scroll in heavenly peace.

"There's some hos in this house" is a Christmas song.

@thecard.bsky.social merry Christmas, Cam

The wind and thunder right now is unlike anything I’ve experienced here. The lights going in and out is pretty par for a storm but the house literally shakes in the wind and the wind is so crazy it’s kind of whistling. I’m so thankful I had my enormous tree in the backyard removed this year.

Happy Wintering Day, to all who celebrate

Building an enormous neon 6, to go in front of the 7-11 sign this Thursday so I can be the most popular mom in the world.

Anyone: Have a nice day! My brain: YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!!!

Mary: The original gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss

Saw a commercial where a man was complaining he missed family events due to no work/life balance, but then he went to work for Meta and now he has the work/ life balance he always wanted. I’d never seen a 60 second stand up special before, but that one was fucking hilarious.

If you enjoy the stuff I create and would like to help me continue churning out comics during a difficult time, kindly consider sharing this post, leaving a tip, or becoming a monthly subscriber. Thanks so much.

How the Grinch Redacted the Epstein Files

Art, but make it sports!

The number 1 movie when you were 10 is how your 2026 is going to go. I never watched it, so… fine, I guess?

And LOTS of companies don’t do raises or cost of living increases- ever- because they’re not mandated by law. I happen to think that not only does the minimum wage need to rise, but coat off living increases should also be mandatory

Infuriating to still hear asshats that minimum wage jobs are “for teenagers” and don’t need a living wage. It’s not just fast food, it’s receptionists, secretaries, gas station attendants, admins, cooks, clerks, and almost every non medical worker at nursing homes. They’re not just teenagers.

Rainbow chip is infinitely better (both the cake and the frosting) than Funfetti, people only buy the latter due to the name. I will die on this hill. I would, but also I will.

I normaled so hard today, guys. I’m getting so good at normaling.

There is no “ dateless and desperate” from Scratch with Mark S Allen gif A travesty if I’ve ever heard one

Mid life? Cry, sis!

Gnarly gnarly Hopps and barley That makes beer Those are ingredients My kids music is making me nutballsssssss Also, the gnarly dance is worse choreo than tiktok “dances”

⬆️ tagging some folks who knew me in another life and may know of our little girl. They may also be amused by my nonchalance at pulling a chrome Trout rookie cup 🤷‍♂️ @anthonyscorona.bsky.social @seventwelve21.bsky.social @dubmentality.bsky.social @shaylarz.bsky.social @bucyk.bsky.social

RIP Rob Reiner, you were a mensch. Incredible director, human rights advocate, lovely human. So sad to see such a tragic end.

Saw a mailman today with locs, a mustache and a thick ass beard and put ALL my effort into not telling him I was gonna get him pregnant. I’m growing as a person.

Just received a postcard from my kid at camp (2mo ago), addressed to: Mommy Zip code Street number City Street name Neighborhood name State Some kind postal worker still got it to me anyway AND she can recite her address correctly. Another kid convinced her the order was wrong. But it’s adorable.

Aw, my buddy P2F made a Christmas tree of ornaments I made him over the years. I love baseball Christmas trees! 🥰

Hugh Grant’s middle name is Mungo His legal name is Hugh Mongo. Humungo. Somebody give his mom her flowers.

quick get MAD TV back on the air so i can pitch Jesus Fucking Christ Superstar

Kiddo told me she wants to keep her pickles in a fart jar I checked to see if she meant farts in a pickle jar (not that this would present any less questions) and I was mocked mercilessly. OBVIOUSLY she wants to keep her pickles in a fart jar. She’ll be taking no further questions at this time

A movie that takes place where you’re from

It’s international men’s day Just typing that seems like more than what’s deserved

Butt polish™️ but it’s just any excuse for me to grab your ass (With consent. And for profit)

Thinking about my mom back when she was my age Tears are coming to my eyes That bitch had NO followers