my new favorite question to ask random internet sexting partners is "what would u do with me if i let u do whatever you wanted?" because it gives a good benchmark for their creativity, willingness to be vulnerable, and general care for my pleasure while also divining the severity of their porn brain

horseshoe theory but it's virgins and hypersexuals

figuring out how to spend $20 extra so you can get a good deal

saw a cool guy

when ur dirty texting with someone and they hit u with the "chock you until you can't breath" 🥴🥴

introducing a new philosophical challenge to god's omnibenevolence called "The Problem Of Feet-Being-So-Far-From-The-Face-That-You-Can't-Kiss-Each-Other-At-The-Same-Time" only to be demolished by "The Threesome Defense"

made a little four course dinner themed on coconut too exhausted to take great pics but it was a fun challenge

ever remove the eyes from a pound of black eyed peas?

dinner 👍

made chicken parm 👍

she just nut in me and now she's checking her credit score

reskeet this if u got a nice butt

ITS NEIL BANGING OUT THE TUNES DAY

very quickly, as my @ is included on a chain with things i don't endorse: asexuality is normal & healthy and isn't constructed on sexual shame. many, like me, are very sexual and have found a place here; let us not transform our excitement into self-righteousness. our differences make us beautiful.

weed is the french fries of drugs

i know i need to get a weird pain in my body checked out when i start finding it sexually pleasurable

Coffee alternative marketing: this blend of dirt and mushrooms is literally the drug from limitless except it also makes you immortal Coffee marketing: this coffee tastes yummy :)

my last [roommate/best friend/lover] called me a horrible person and ghosted me, opines person who is about to reveal why

u ever look down and get distracted by ur own poggers titties

actually, scratch that, the hottest thing a girl can do is travel thousands of miles just to spend time with me

Something something Thursday… Something something buy my porn so I can buy food 😘😘😘

got my hands on this leaked instruction manual

saw a troll family get turned to stone when the sun rose this morning

gm poopers

nastiest most antagonistic person you've ever met: please be kind to me

homemade pulled pork poutine 👍

A new silly little guy. Made some avocado toast. 🥑 🍞

when an otherwise mid song uses a recognizable hip hop sample

the 9 words every girl wants to hear:

slay the spire 2 👀👀

happy with this little doodle

i'd love to take credit for this one but i stole it from "103+ Hilarious Rat Puns For Rat-Tastic Laughs"

dinner and dessert

foods should have scientific names

chelsea asked if she could draw something and spent like 10 minutes scribbling away at my sketchbook only to present me with this

reskeet if u want a pretty woman to go on a six hour walk with u while u follow on all fours in a leashed pinch collar & then grip ur hair & order you to stick your tongue out and rub u against her sticky girl balls until ur covered in ass sweat and call u a good muskpuppy, or if u love peach rings

male socialization & tgirl socialization are the same thing because they both just consist of your friends hitting you in the balls and then calling you a faggot

antacids imply the existence of basic uncles