Forbidden throat lozenge

“The blades of the orphan grinding machine are made out of high quality steel, which we are certain will not be damaged by the orphans.”

Wait until people find out what Ken Paxton has been up to. *taps earpiece* Oh wait, I’m being told that the press only reports this kind of thing about one party.

I learned today that SCUBA and TUBA are acronyms. One is Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. The other is Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus I know this now 💦🌊🤿

Seriously considering sending a custom-printed shirt to his home address that says “I debased my ethics for Trump and all I got was this lousy T-shirt”

Costco food courts in Canada allow you to buy NEARLY HALF A POUND OF CHEESE CURDS for CAD $2.99 (USD $2.16) and brown gravy for an additional CAD $.30 so you can turn normal fries into poutine. This is so civilized.

Needless to say, I'm not happy to discover that the device that I used my FSA dollars on to keep my son's bedroom clear of allergens was actually causing more harm than good. I was annoyed that it melted itself, but am now thankful that it did. Bad job, Westinghouse. You've lost my trust.

YOU’RE LISTENING TO SISYPHUS FM, THE HOME OF NON-STOP ROCK

Today I had to see the word “toiletmaxxing” and so now you do too.

The thing is, Jeff could personally pay the taxes for the bottom 50% out of his own pocket without flinching. He doesn’t need to advocate for this change; he just needs to do it.

Yeah, every time I’ve seen this illustration, I’ve always thought “this doesn’t mean what they think it means.”

Subtweet time: *y’all, not ya’ll

Irony isn't just dead -- its corpse is being actively desecrated on a daily basis. Gift link because this is just so far beyond belief. www.nytimes.com/2026/05/19/b...

Well, this is either very good or very bad. www.yahoo.com/news/article...

Got an email from a seed catalog advertising “bean seeds.” Isn’t that just… beans? (The few times I’ve grown peanuts, I just picked up raw peanuts from the grocery store, and had a germination rate probably north of 90%)

"Over the next three months, we’ll release the equivalent of 1.4 million barrels of oil per day. That should more than offset the 14.5 million barrels per day that we’ve removed from the market. Trust us, the math works."

One of most insidious things about Hollywood movies like 300 that may be unintended but I believe are very important signifiers, is the use of British accents as placeholders of classical Western civilization under assault by ‘savages’. I’m half Irish, and wow that is a hell of a choice.

Dear AWS, part II: what the fuck. RFCs 7238 and 7231 are nearly 12 years old now.

Trump Unwittingly Breaks Chinese Taboo Against Napping Facedown In Soup Bowl

Someone needs to explain to these chucklefucks why vacuum thermoses are the golden standard for thermal insulation.

Trying something new for dinner. Couldn’t find escarole, so subbing in arugula for something with the same bitter/spicy profile. www.washingtonpost.com/recipes/orec...

Well fuck. I wasn’t really worried until now.

Look, I can come up with a handful of egregious things that courts could do to completely undermine the public’s faith in the judiciary to the point that folks just start taking matters into their own hands, but there’s nothing on my list that isn’t already happening.

I think readers get frustrated with headlines for the same reasons writers do — a lot of nuance just gets cooked out. when there’s backlash, you’ll see writers say, “I didn’t write it." but we have the opportunity to weigh in and pull the e-brake if we hate it, so it’s kinda a cop-out.

I think every company I've worked at has had at least one internal lawyer whose duties included constantly messaging a variation on "never put into writing anything you wouldn't want to hear read out loud from the front of a courtroom."

“No seed oils” … … um … How do you remove all the corn oil from corn? Asking for a corporation.

I know there are brilliant people at Google but my disdain for the company's attitude towards web standards is probably irreparable at this point and I know I'm not even close to being alone with that thinking.

Seen on what?

It's true! I'm hiring another senior writer for my team. Position is FT, remote. Come work with me and some truly brilliant, creative folks to create Cyberpunk 2 💥🦾 www.cdprojektred.com/en/jobs/2205...

What the fuck?

“It’s just a banana, Michael. What could it cost? Ten dollars? Assuming you have your ID on you, of course.”

GameStop is proposing to acquire eBay in a deal that would bring one of the bigger names in Internet history under a North Texas-based company.

he's been rushed to johns hopkins landscaping

🚨Emergency Update 🚨 @theonion.com

"A second horse then approached, signifying Famine. The horse spoke thusly, with a gravelly voice, similar to his father’s, but lacking in charisma and clarity, 'We’re going to end the war on red meat and bring back measles,' he said."

“What should we call your proposed restaurant chain” “Hrm. So… how do you say ‘of the taco’ in Spanish?” “Sorry, what?”

I am guessing these are separate and unrelated but really hoping they are not.

This is an actual line that was added to the official system prompt for Codex for GPT-5.5 by OpenAI. Usually the system prompt is as minimal as possible, so I assume it would otherwise mention goblins a lot. AIs are weird.

US clean energy installations are forecast to hit another record this year, and account for the vast majority of new power additions.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the consequences of my own actions.”

Just saw a kid, maybe 7 or 8 years old, excitedly exclaim “they have it!” and run towards the dairy case. Was fully expecting to see something like eggnog or flavored milk. No. She runs up and grabs a container of cottage cheese. Lesson: the cottage cheese of 2026 is much better than you remember.

The issue with most conspiracy theories is that they crumble under even the most cursory application of Occam’s Razor. For the reasons Susan cites, this one does not. Was it staged? Probably not, but I don’t know for sure, and honestly it makes me angry that we’ve reached that point.

The fact that they reached this conclusion after examining his writing would be substantially more plausible if the administration hadn’t announced it beforehand.

“Lede.” It’s spelled “lede.” When someone puts off key facts until much later than they should, it is “burying the lede.” (The spelling is intentional and has history: newspapers historically dealt with lead (the metal) movable type, and so alternate spelling was chosen for the intro to a story)

Tennis. Ball.

Hold your thumb and index finger 2.75 inches apart. Visualize that distance. Now read the Dallas country weather alert.

It is frequently pointed out that the thing that most marks conspiracy theorists as intellectually dim is that they believe so many people could keep such a big secret. Which means that if they ever actually try to conspire…