coming up with shirt ideas

i’m farting years old

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) - A solid guess, Mr. Racial Profiler!

third wheeling with this couple i don’t know that’s arguing in public no clue what they’re talking about but i’ve thrown some wild accusations with absolutely nothing backing it up

dinner party host left me unattended in his house

the entire point of having a messenger is getting someone to shoot the second you hear bad news

the day i see a drone show with ads in the night sky is the day that Harry becomes Liquid Harry

i don’t think there’s a single comic artist that deals with dread as well as Branson does

mom said it’s my turn to have the Mandate of Heaven

Getting closer

Marjorie Taylor Green X Tucker resistance unity ticket 🙏 pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaase 😭 😭

great format wizards!

folks, it’s happening

is Chewbacca Mom on this site

these freeloading babies need to get off the government teat and get on (squinting) their mom’s

interesting strategy, let’s see how it plays out

car wash i go to had an attendant look me dead in the eyes and say “have you considered our $90 a month pass?”

this is such good news

Assigned Harpooner At Birth

take a wild guess who the deciding vote from the Democrats was

when you kill the part of you that cringes, Rammstein being your most played artist of all time is great actually

ah, well then abcnews.com/US/wireStory...

this entire time i thought his name was Mr Breast

Tender Shonin Eats Waitress at Panera did not respect my bushido. Not. Cool. ⭐️/5

relaunching Neither Here Nor There. no clue when the next episode will be out but it'll be out eventually

this is the only picture I have of my father

everyone bitches about language being too flowery but i’ve genuinely never met someone who says “heteronormativity” out loud to hicks. i’m in some squishy ass leftist circles too! this is a fake problem amplified by people who also don’t talk to “normal people” on a regular basis

computa when will it end

glad we got drafts now

What a sad, sausage party of losers, con men and dupes. Bye bye!

at the frank lloyd wright house, about to make the tour guide attack me by saying that every window looks like a trendy 2016 tattoo

i’m the fattest guy in LA by 9 thousand pounds

experienced Disneyland for the first time and i think i get why there’s so many disney adults this is the only walkable city experience they ever get in their lives disney world is different though. god fully abandoned that place and left nothing but rot behind

there really is a whole other world out there

just walked to my local coffee shop and every pastry tasted like white guilt

Something instead of nothing

You didn't bring anything back from the gem biome for me? Not one single little thing?

boss set me up to be humiliated on a call so bad i’m windowshopping for full body chainmail and debating just quitting right now

documentary in which the Minions reenact their past atrocities in Indonesia.

(attached to a life support machine) please... i need 1 billion more dollers..

Hey! Sorry I missed this. I bolted and went to seed

(sipping first cup of coffee, beautiful rainy day outside) its never been more over for me