“Listen, it’s a good joke, but I’m gonna need you to stop anyway…”

America: land of the free. Home of the expanding police state. And the “Don’t tread on me” crowd is suddenly silent.

*cough*PackersTwitter*cough*

Let’s find their employers y’all!

The lights will draw you in; and the dark will bring you down; and the night will break your heart but only if you're lucky now.

Incredible

said i'd never leave her, 'cause her hands fit like my t-shirt

Connor Bedard or Andre Burakovsky? 🤣 The /NHLBlackhawks are definitely in a good mood. 😄

Wait this is actually hilarious

can i have a writing job. i’m a horrible writer and can work to become a worse person

I have soooo many questions about Mahomes’ goatee situation…

Seeing the Chiefs lose is my favorite song.

My 2yo daughter has a broken leg and can’t walk, therefore she has to be carried everywhere. I have part of my spinal cord coming out of its cavity, causing the nerves that control the left side of my body to be smashed, and also can’t walk or bend or sit.

I made mine first so give credit where it’s due, bestie 💅.

YES

I cannot deny that they find the best ways to win a game at the very end. There has to be some sort of stat on this somewhere lol.

Seeing X in his leadership role makes my heart flutter!!

Omg did they just win a game????

This game sucks. Football is stupid.

Thinking about you, Mase 🥰🥹😭.

Some of us give Toyotathon its proper respect.

WHYLE COYOTEEEE

Who is QB3 now that Randall Cobb (iykyk) is retired?

This is how I feel rn:

What is Jordan love supposed to do? He’s either running for his life or throwing perfect passes that they drop.

LOUDER

I'm learning that the baseball offseason is mostly just a bunch of dudes throwing around trading conspiracy theories that would make flat earthers weep. Yeah man, that one pitcher you like is coming to the Jays because five years ago he wore a blue hat and mentioned he likes birds. I love it.

*Carrington noises* (derogatory)

Looking like it’s a good day to not be able to watch GBP bc Chicagoland.

Thinking I should make a list of things I need to do that would take less than 5 minutes to actually do them but just haven't yet. Gotta love executive dysfunction 🙃🙃🙃

Hey so America is a SCAM.

"a trans and two pansexuals walk into a bar..." 😭😭

PSA: If you find yourself explaining why the President being on a list of PDFiles is “not that bad, actually,” please reevaluate your life before speaking further. Thank you.

Can confirm — I have family members that have outright said they will still support him regardless of how he’s involved with the EF… …and yet they will still tell me that my queer community is a “threat to children.”

you could fact check this — there aren’t 30 million illegal immigrants and there is no evidence that the presence of an immigrant in say houston has any impact on housing in madison, wisconsin — or you could note straightforwardly that this is just nazi rhetoric

The only way this results in any consequences to Trump before the midterms is if congressional republicans decide it does. And I have not seen one sign in the last 10 years, including a riot that directly threatened their lives, that that will happen.

BELIEVE WOMEN and stop defending räpïsts

i'm half a heart without you, i'm half a man, at best, with half an arrow in my chest

If you leave me Like a message in a bottle And you don't come back tomorrow At least you came tonight

IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!!

Current* conditions near Chicago, IL:

everybody wanna steal my girl, everybody wanna take her heart away

Dude told the team he managed to “try not to suck,” so idk how we’re surprised lol

There’s a s3xual innuendo somewhere here, I just need @herooine.bsky.social or @anchorsawaysam.bsky.social to find it.

Obviously the Epstein Files are bad and should be treated seriously, but what should also be treated seriously are the the concentration camps, the overt bribery in exchange for pardons, the looting of the public treasury, and the perversion of the justice system to persecute political enemies.

amazing how the “protect the children” party drops the facade when they actually have the votes to get it done.

Grijalva: That is why I will sign the discharge petition right now to release the Epstein files. Justice cannot wait another day.

Ima take it one step further: