BREAKING: Juan Carlos Lopez-Gomez has been released. This is the moment he reunited with his mom.

Watching my cat roll over on the heating pad just now so he could evenly toast his other side makes me want to cry my eyes out. He’s so perfect and pure and cozy. And he has no idea who the president is, so I know he has the best day every day. 😭

oh, youre here from tik tok? (chuckle's lightly ) Is that like reddit for babies

I was forced to circle back on stuff today :( sorry to all y’all

Born to post. Forced to work

Tabby and I have been married 54 years today. It's all good.

As someone whose mental health hinges on the availability of Little Treats & Trinkets™, I cannot possibly participate in this no-buy 2025 madness. I need my Swedish candy and special coffees.

Another Dec 31 = another financial goal with a restrictive 12-month plan that I’ll bail on in 3 months. But at least I’ll have a nice new planner!!!

Apparently my fiancé’s fantasy baseball league elected me “League Sweetheart.” I was flattered until I learned 1) I’ve been on the ballot for many years and this is just my first time winning and 2) there’s no crown, no sash — just an expectation I’ll send koozies or something to their draft??

I’m not “too online.” I know how to have a good time on the computer

“Hey, do you guys know any music from the new Timothée Chalamet movie?” -Me to the two-man band at a sports bar in Portsmouth, NH.

A Complete Unknown was incredible. I’m so happy. Wow.

He just loves the touch of oak on this fumé blanc

The quick shot of Kevin McCallister shoving fireworks into his backpack in 2 really is some Chekhov’s gun shit.

Tomorrow is four years since we lost Beans to brain cancer. We'd be honored in having your support in remembering her with a $24 donation to the Team Beans Infant Brain Tumor Fund. Every dollar directly supports childhood cancer research at Dana-Farber. danafarber.jimmyfund.org/site/TR?fr_i...

Just saw a group of 5 teen goths getting their photo taken with a real bearded Santa. Who said Mall Culture is dead?

Kicking off Christmas with my in-laws by running a quick favorability poll on Luigi

If you’re ever in Mexico City, go to Blanco Colima in Roma Norte and order as much of the menu as you can. ¡Estuvo delicioso!

the feds: stop trying to turn this guy into some cool antihero with a badass public image also the feds: *treat him like they’ve captured the joker*

So @mepfuller.bsky.social bought me a Snuggie-like sling for my cats and it is a hit, folks.

It’s not perfect, but Facebook is still the best platform on earth for connecting with all of the people my friends briefly dated in 2007

What if we kissed… at the Mexico City Chuck E. Cheese’s?

What do you mean I can get married at Mr. Darcy’s house???

I’m watching an Eras Tour livestream in bed, waiting to take my sleep meds bc I’m on the East Coast and I just want to see it all thru til the end. All this joy over the past 2 years has been really nice and I’m going to miss it.

Took some adderall this afternoon so I could get my act together and knock out some house projects I’ve been putting off. Ended up just knocking myself out for a blissful 2 hr. nap. It’s called staying on brand, folks.

ADHD and Type 1 diabetes is a terrrrrible combination. Terrible. Oh you left your insulin at home? You lost your Dexcom transmitter? You forgot to take insulin with ur little pancake breakfast feast and now your blood sugar is over 350?? 🤡

I need to buy one of the acrylic salad bowls from Olive Garden and they are somehow not for sale to the general public????

me: i have a bunch of anxiety rn brain: how bout a coffee me: idk sounds like a bad idea brain: iced coffee me: ok yeah that makes more sense

Let’s delete “impactful” from the Corporate America lexicon. Pls.

No one on Bluesky will be able to experience my Ambien tweeting bc I quit taking it before I migrated over here. Sad. Those were silly goose times.

Not enough people are liking this very good skeet.

Help, what’s a professional way to tell my boss I’m too snug as a bug in a rug to come to the office today?

I did it and it worked 🪄

I’ve had a pretty bad day. Should I DoorDash a chocolate milkshake right now in a hail mary attempt to turn it around?

My favorite part of Wicked was making everyone in my group discuss the parallels to fascism as we left the theater

Truly shocked they didn’t have new Wicked classes on Peloton like the minute the soundtrack dropped. (These are the things I tweet about now.)

Massively underestimated how much Xanax I’d need for a weeklong trip home to see my family. Sent from my bathtub

For InsideHook, I wrote about gazing through bay windows to see the past and Butterworth's -- Cap Hill's best new restaurant: bit.ly/3Zlv0zr

I’m an elderly millennial, of course I would attend the 20th anniversary of garden state concert with the shins and iron and wine

I have no idea how to get my Bluesky following up to my Twitter levels but perhaps this is just a new freedom.

Oh my god! Somebody needs to think of a way to like...disinfect milk? Sterilize it even?! Don't let this go past your eyes!! #H5N1

My superpower is I can tell whenever the coffee cups in a tv show are empty. Law & Order hasn’t seen a wet cup in 30 years.

TFW you become a Catholic in a few hours

🗣️ Be!👏 Regressive!👏 🗣️Be-ee!👏 Regressive!👏

Anyone else’s cats obsessed w the ironing board? This is dangerous bc now I’m tempted to leave it out for them, much like the office chair that never made it out of the living room bc they claimed it the day I got it.

Anyone else over here getting really into Swedish gummy candy? Where’s the Bubs Hive?

LOL. www.rollingstone.com/politics/pol...

It worked???

🚨NEW: RFK Jr. had a chemtrails kook on his podcast last year to discuss how the government is pumping "tens of millions of tons of aluminum nanoparticles" into the atmosphere via planes, then covering it up via "an illegal gag order on all the nation's weathermen." RFK Jr: "I am persuaded."

Is this—is this the good site?