Coming out of my nuclear bunker then having to explain the gap on my resume to the guy who came out of a slightly nicer nuclear bunker

My talking to my phone camera in my car career is ruined!

Man's swole like a tick

Greg Proops, TV's Frank and Yvette Nicole Brown. All for the same reason. Only one of whom had I interacted with prior to the block.

"You got me fucked up."

Claude will never laugh at Pastor Gas, checkmate clankers

Your job is to pick the worst actor to play James Bond.

We dont give Adam Baldwin money kthxbai

look ima need white people to stop explaining to me that every white dude is prone to get obvious Nazi tattoos in their 20s. the shit is not true. I know plenty of white military dudes who didnt get Nazi tattoos. This is not a widespread phenomenon.

Does Lil' MarKwayne get to have that fuck jet?

Lookit this LLM shit

@robertpicardo.bsky.social I just watched The Life of The Stars and thay darn Bob made me cry. Bravo, Doctor.

I'd be more inclined to believe that Graham Platner is merely a dumbass if he was making different kinds of "mistakes" instead of one very specific type of "mistake" over and over

Oh her brain is COOKED cooked

You got your ought in my is

Jeffries and Schumer can't stop ejaculating please help

I watch his BOTW occasionally because it's so great to see Mike getting visibly sick of his shit

Betty Hutton #BOTD live at the London Palladium, 1948 (This is my favorite picture of her and I will always post it. She was punk rock.)

It's the treatlercaust

Five authors I've read at least 5 books by: Kurt Vonnegut Ray Bradbury Mark Twain Terry Pratchett Clive Barker

Jack In The Box tacos obv

So at the bottom of the Schumer posting you put something along the lines of "We're working on something to remedy this, check in with us next week if you haven't seen anything from this office about it."

*Taylor Sheridan pulling a slot machine arm* "Ok, we got... Kurt Russell... as a... Fire Chief in... Paducah, Kentucky" Paramount Exec: Sure whatever, here's $40,000,000. All of our parents: Prairie of Flames is the best show on TV

I will never forgive Microsoft for turning me into a linux guy

Princes arrested and presidents with life sentences its like other countries are just mogging our justice system to our faces They’re equal under the law maxxing they’re corruptiongooning us

Can't. Thinking of demons.

fucking your computer is the future. if you're not fucking your computer right now you're gonna miss the revolution. fucking your computer is going to change everything

Me, on my deathbead: DON'T MAKE COFFE IN THE HOTEL ROOM, IT'S GOT KIMMY GIBBLER'S DISCHARGE IN IT

I desperately miss everyone standing 6 feet away from me

"while yes he had that tattoo and yes he said those things, I don't think he's a Nazi, or a racist, or a misogynist, I just think he's a gigantic fucking idiot who doesn't know what he's saying or what he's doing and I want him in Congress" that's what most defenses of Platner sound like to me

"Don't worry, boss, we put the dude with the big fuck off nazi death's head tattoo on his tiddy front and center."

Watch out for snakes

I somehow accidentally swiped over to the Discover tab putting my phone in my pocket. When I opened bluesky again it was bleak. It's like there's whole tab on this app of youtube boomer comments under a popular song saying "I remember this song."

Democrats: when we said ban masks, we mean voluntarily, after meeting three or five requirements on a situational checklist, which is of course optional. We will provide training for all of this unless it’s not funded Republicans: married women can’t vote anymore

Let's play a round of whose brother-in-law got that go pro contract

“The CBP agents that executed Pretti were gusanos”

Take me down to the Parallax city where the far moves slow and the near moves quickly

SCTV being the greatest show of all time isn't even an opinion. It's an objective fact.

Catherine O'Hara is as much of a "good in absolutely everything, no matter how good the thing itself was" actor as Philip Seymour Hoffman.

[Looking at an agency whose agents shatter glass onto newborns as they abduct fathers] body cameras will fix this

lol that all the papers in this look like theyre already 200 years old because ai and the people who use it are incapable of thinking

hey, it's me. John Highguard. im a character that was designed and rendered in the year 2026 for millions of dollars. when my Highguard meter is charged, press X to unleash my "Gun Attack"

*offer not valid for Palestinians and transes

Yeah I guess we're bringing back shut up, Wesley. Shatner was right.

You may think Schumer and co believe in nothing, but I promise you that they would probably die and GLADLY kill to defend the post-9/11 security state. So would Obama, Hillary Clinton, the lot of them.