I don't know I love signing up for 50 different accounts across 25 different services with names like ZazzleZoo and YikYak just to stay involved in my kid's schooling

Between this and Tom Delonge of Blink 182 being connected to missing scientists... Is it possible the simulation we are in is glitching?

Without downloading anything new, where are you, mentally?

It was 4.19 for regular unleaded in a little township in Ohio this morning. Are reporters out there at the gas stations asking people how they feel about gas prices and the president like they did when Biden was in office or that just another thing only Democrats are held accountable for?

Of all the struggles of raising a teenage boy I have had, at least mine sends me reels of Clavicular getting his ass beat and laughing about it. Feeling like a rock star parent rn

I can walk (usually) just fine but cannot stand in spot for more than two minutes without vicious back pain. Just got an email from a concert venue when I asked if there was disability seating and it was "we don't have chairs and you can't bring your own unless it's a wheelchair." alright then

I genuinely think some people do not want to look this in the eye/think about it because it is so awful. We wrote what I thought was a pretty eye-opening story about all this and I was surprised by the lack of engagement tbh

this admin is an act of treason against the US constitution and that is all of how it will be remembered

lmao do you all remember when Trump promised to put his companies in a blind trust? so quaint

lmao lol

WHY OUTLOOK? WHY? I'VE LITERALLY MADE NO CHANGES TO THESE EVENTS THAT SOMEONE ELSE PUT ON MY CALENDAR, I HAVE ONLY CLICKED THE ZOOM LINK YET YOU DO THIS WHEN I X OUT EVERY SINGLE TIME GOD I HATE YOU SO MUCH

Ok two things very wrong here and Meta employees should just quit. Or type "fuck you fuck you fuck you" over and over

Shocking only because I thought he already was a Republican for at least the last 20 years.

A widespread illness has never crippled a military before so great call, Petey

Yes, it's 4/20 but the sloths act like that every day

What's the worst thing that can happen in this situation? What's the best thing that could happen? What is the most likely thing that will happen? When you're in an anxiety spiral.

TW: Reading the news after being unplugged all weekend. A man killed 8 children. A man abused his 11 month old daughter in the worst way. A boy exposed himself to two girls and the male principal proceeded to tell the girls to keep quiet about it. It really feels soul crushing at this point.

My niece is an accomplished seamstress, and no matter how complex or amazing her clothes are, whenever other women see her work they immediately say, "Oh, it's got pockets!" It's a goddamn conspiracy.

I wish this was true and that they're all actually worried. I hope they don't get a wink of sleep. I hope they die fearing me and my friends. Sure it's for ridiculous reasons, but them terrified is an excellent outcome.

I need to get therapy for this behavior I do it so much

Millions of American voters wanted to be villains. They came to believe it’s the key to success, while goodness is weak, woke, loser stuff, done only to signal. Offered the option of unvarnished villainy, they enthusiastically took it. Seeing others suffer more made them feel big. And here we are.

Lean into it, Cuyahoga County Dems! @libraryyeti.bsky.social and I think you should sell "Cunty Women's Caucus" merch. I'd buy a shirt.

Actual monkeys fighting over an actual banana. Like cartoon monkeys but IRL

my cat watching me answer emails

Imagine the pep talk these guys got. YOU GUYS GET IN THERE! AND GET IN THE WAY OF THE PEOPLE TRYING TO DO THE REAL SECURITY!

Omg can’t believe another one of those Duggar boys is a predator.

Oh this is fun too

This is cathartic. Turns out I just needed Afroman to take on the cops and make them cry in court to feel a bit better. Hero.

Is there a running list of fake things Republicans have said you need ID for?

Sen. Dave McCormick: "You have to have ID to have a child"

Of course the apocalypse starts in Cleveland. And I really would rather be at the epicenter of the apocalypse, so I don't have to pretend to try to stay alive, so can that extinction event move about 45 miles south? Thanks.

I was told, by some very authoritative editorial writers, Trump was going to get us out of endless wars and focus on America, not dig up pointless conflicts from the 1960s to re-fight them Can't believe he lied

I feel like this is a bit aggressive, Cleveland Clinic. But yes FEMALES are a risk factor and you best act accordingly.

Know what it takes to come to this conclusion? A little introspection.

My MRI results: *five paragraphs of findings, basically everything that can be wrong in your lumbar spine" Last sentence: "Exam otherwise unremarkable" What does a girl have to do around here to be remarkable?

If you wonder what it’s like being married to me, I try on swimsuits and say “do I look sexy or do I look a slightly chubby high school wrestler in a singlet? BE HONEST!”

Post a great photo of a musician

Love living in the goddamn wild west but in the midwest "According to investigators, a 28-year-old man and his girlfriend were driving on East Tallmadge Avenue when another vehicle fired shots at them. The man told police he returned fire before leaving the area and calling authorities."

Oh neat, we're about to find out how general anesthesia affects a human with an all meat diet. Should be interesting.

I just had to tell Walgreens verbally AND electronically that I did not want their Walgreens credit card when I checked out today.

H, what is it like working with engineers? Well you ask a yes/no question. "Does our agency own any dams? It's for insurance paperwork I have to fill out." You receive not 1, not 2, but 4 replies.

Oh yeah I'll review the wage settlement report, let me just pull it up and What an odd picture to use on a wage report

Doing my civic duty and so far it’s been 45 minutes of waiting around. Every time I have to sit somewhere and wait my brain does this song “Stuck in a basement sittin’ on a tricycle, girl getting on my nerves I’m losing my mind, I thought she was fine, don’t know if her body is hers”

Thinking about creating a Bluesky account just to document the Dad Jokes my coworker tells. Just this morning: "Working out doesn't work out for me" "He is the peace president! I'll take a piece of this, a piece of this, a piece of this"

They found him. He died. Another murder by our immigration goon squads

My right leg and foot went numb on February 12. I was able to see my doctor about it on February 16. The MRI she ordered is still stuck in authorization limbo on February 25th. Healthcare in America. I should have just gone to the ER, I would paid one million dollars for it but I'd get that MRI

Hooooold up - I can now put them on hold when they put me on hold??? (Shows how often I actually call someone on the phone, this may have been an option for a long time )

Followed by a book 6 months later written by a reporter who was getting all the information leaked to him in real time but didn't want to lose access to Trump

On meetings it's snowing and it's an in person meeting that is not located in my personal office so I can't make it because I don't feel like it and don't want to