My mom sent me a post with online dating advice about how to get more people to like and interact with your profile. It was such a sweetly naive misunderstanding of why I'm single. My god, I wish that was all it took.

It is rare to have a chinchilla that likes to cuddle. My chinchilla decided after tentatively starting to cuddle me 2 years back that actually she's going to throw a temper tantrum every time I'm home, awake, and not actively cuddling her.

It pisses me off that baby Kermit the Frog doesn't look like this. What are we doing here.

Look at this creature and tell me this isn't a face you need to sing Shortnin Bread to for an hour a day. (I'm back on my bullshit)

Just realized I've been singing Shortnin' Bread to myself for 30 minutes... I'm Brian Wilsoning

Can't find the tech deck I use to file my nails anywhere and I fucked up my nail. 😫 I don't even want to be around anymore

This is the Lying Horse, he always replies with a lie. He has cannibalized and eaten his brother, the Truth Horse. That one riddle is super easy now.

Hotly anticipated by no one, this is the list of books I read in 2025. No star rating system, I do a solid dot if it was amazing and I cross the dot if I didn't like it. Pretty good year for reading great books!

Discovered my mom doesn't have the fujoshi gene the funniest way possible (family group viewing of Heated Rivalry)

Impossible choice to make here

Found a really good envelope in my mom's envelope drawer but when I showed her she got mad (sacriligeous) 😕

I'M SICK OF GIRLBOSSING!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m Mr.Emails

Every time I like, reply to, and share posts, I'm doing it for the shareholders.

You're so right, Facebook. I should combine this treasured memory with a recent photo. 🥰

they’re saying on the news goku is sick. they’re saying he ate a box of sunmaid raisins and they’re poison for him like for dogs. the camera cut to the weatherman for the forecast and he can’t keep it together. everyone in this town loves goku

You either die the Christ, or you live long enough to see yourself become the Piss

i got the animated movie rights to Piss Christ!

I'm almost done reading Dracula but I'm starting to get so concerned- when do they fuck Dracula? I thought the enemies to lovers pivot would start sooner

Normally it’s so dumb that I know anything about anyone else’s mayor but today it’s cool as hell 😎

My allergist used a tool to look into my nostril and then said “Yep, that’s the classic ‘allergic nostril’ look.” I can already tell that’s going to pop into my brain unbidden every time I think about my nostrils for the next few years.

ladies and gentlemen...we got him

Have you or someone you love been the victim of a face full of grape bubble gum scented Vape smoke? I'm trying to get a class action started

More good environmental news!! It’s possible to fix our mistakes!

It's over: I've already depicted you as the seething broad gauge train, and myself as the smug narrow gauge!

Scary climate news is on my feed again- in case it helps anyone else, every time I see horrible climate news, I make a donation to an environmental charity.

My mom has been substitute teaching and in one class the teacher had already provided her a PowerPoint. When it showed an AI image, a kid said "Aww man, not the AI!" So yeah, even some kids are over this bullshit already.

They say the best things in life are bees

I don't know what poop transplants do but I just know if I got one it would fix me

Dr: So what are you thinking about that keeps you from sleeping? Me: Death Dr: I want you to write down what you think about before sleep so you’ve already thought about it for the day when you’re ready to sleep. Schedule some time. Me: …you want me to schedule time to think about death???

A video popped up on my tiktok FYP this weekend and it was the man from this insane Hinge profile I saw a few years ago. Mr. Perversely Enjoying the Opprobrium himsef.

I went to Weapons and watched about 12 unacompannied middle school age kids sneak in during the previews, then halfway through an usher comes and escorts 6 of them out. Congrats to the other 6, kids rock

Hey guys I'm getting raptured right now SEND Q&A to my askfm!!!!

How much bush can you get away with sticking out of your bathing suit bottoms when you're kayaking? Keep in mind it's in public and I'm going with my dad BUT it's a weekday

There are many bad, ugly logos in the world but this is probably the worst one I've ever seen

I miss SPX, I haven't been since moving to Canada. 😢 they say if you skip enough SPX's your friends forget you exist

Turns out I'm not immediately good at bleach painting??? This can't be happening to me, I'd like to speak to the manager

Oh, hey. Visa and Mastercard now say you can't pay for WoW. Magic the Gathering. FFXIV. DnD. Lord of the Rings. Because they're all "adult" content against their ToS just for being "fantasy". Let that sink in. Spread this like wildfire and have people in those circles call them. No quarter.

lmfao www.inquirer.com/opinion/lett...

They're trying to push AI on us in many stupid ways but this particular "try our AI" is so weird. Bro I don't know if you know why I use this site but I am trying to send and receive files. I don't want to think about editing files by the time I get here. You're a bucket to me, you're just there.

My Job used up all my Job mana and has moved on to using all my Posting mana.

No war but Ass war

When they say there’s a 7-8% unemployment right now that feels fake. It feels like everyone I know is unemployed right now. I don’t know how I’m employed right now when I have a job that should be fake.

I thought I was past this. I had acknowledged the desire for Labubu and allowed it to move through me before coming to an acceptance that I did not need a Labubu, I soon would feel nothing for Labubu, and I can just live my life. ...And then my coworker got me a Labubu

The handful of times I've posted what I thought was screamingly obvious fetish art no one clocked it, so don't even worry if your fetishes are abstract enough :)

The most militant vegans alive can't touch the belligerence and seething resentment of your average suburban dad seeing you order a salad with no feta.

This playlist has the possibility to become a real heater if I can think of more than 2 songs but unfortunately I won't.

@ryanhatesthis.bsky.social If you haven't heard "Don Henley Must Die" this song is very relevant to you hating Hotel California (as per your latest Garbage Day)

Captain AHAB? Damn, what neogender was he assigned at birth?