Got transferred to an open ward today. Literally so psyched.

bashed my head into a wall. only helped marginally. they gave me some more meds hopefully thatll calm me down.

man fuck this place i wanna cuttttttt

guess who earned herself a trip to the psychiatric hospital! I'm sober again and no hangover so that's something but fuck I'm scared as hell

gods im so waszed but ig im not killing myself so win idk?

wow the alc did nothing wtf man. I didnt suffer through like a liter of the worst mix of my life to not be wasted

I fucking hate alcohol whys it gotta taste so bad

I feel like I'm going through all the bad coping mechanisms this last month. Anyway today I'm gonna get drunk and see if I finally get the courage to off myself

Is it spoiled to expect my parents to care for me? Like I know the world doesnt revolve around me, but a little attention when im suffering right next to you would be nice.

My family ordered food without asking me if i had something while i was out, again. Im so fucking tired of this "well we didnt know if youd get something" bullshit they just want to leave me out. Am i an unneccessary cost to you? Is money you spend on me wasted in your mind?

if only i could stop eating

well um i guess this is it. the choice feels so big

Kinda want to kill myself, kinda dont. The salt glass is looking more promising by the minute though.

Yay yay yippie I love starving myself for days only to eat like a pig on the weekend oh this cycle is so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so fun so

oh wow someone snitched at work and ive earned myself a meeting with some psych guy. i love faking to be ok, it totally isnt draining or anything dont worry why would someone even snitch like wtf i know im not that well-liked but "worrying" abt my mental health are you fr???

sure i might have bulimia, but at least i dont have a gag reflex (disordered rizz?) im sorry

bro why do my cuts have to leak through the bandaid thats bullshit anyway guess how my favourite white shirt was ruined

ate two more. ig no dinner for me

ate a brownie someone made at work. kill me

the hollow empty feeling in my heart cannot be filled with food

I think that Ryo, being kessoku band's songwriter, made the bass lines super hard on purpose so she could show off and I love and hate her for that

How to solve Bulimia/purging disorder: - purge - a lot - physically be unable to purge ta-da! you're healed! now have fun dealing with a binge you cant purge!

I don't want to see the blood spill on my blanket anymore. I don't want to get uo for work anymore. I don't want to do laundry, drive my car, go exercise, see family or have breakfast, lunch or dinner again.

Will the cycle ever end? I'm so done seeing the toilet bowl, I'm so done stealing band-aids from my parents. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up again. Never have to deal with all this again. Never have to eat again.

THE VOICESSSSSSS ARGHHHH

Like my body is my canvas and any scars are proof of my existence, my suffering and my creativity. Leaving a scarless body behind would make my life meaningless, as there would be no traces left of me in that empty hull.

I do not understand how people dont get it when I tell them that I am not my body, that my body is something working against me, that it is my enemy. As such, getting people to understand why I self-harm and why I view it as art the same way people view tattoos or piercings is incredibly hard.

yay another binge and im too lazy to purge! really its just my fault im so fat and ugly. i should just die.

bro life is so buns cant even cut cuz i got no bandages

welp time to purge it all again yay yay yippie

my supervisor at the red cross sent me on a walk cuz i binged so much i got stomach pains (mcdonalds) fml

one thing i love about edsky is that i haven't come across a "kangel of shedsky" who's 14 yrs old and flexes her 16.7 (haha 67) bmi and tells people to "just lock in" instead everyone here is just nice and supportive

gaaahhh day 3 of being bloated fml

i feel like a junkie anytime i cvt or h1t which is technically what i am, but i cant stop doing it. it just feels way too good after, even if i was doubling over in pain before.

yay yay yippie sh relapse! i bet breaking a bone would feel so good but i got work the day after tomorrow so i cant

instead of locking in i locked myself out and threw the key into a sinkhole

who decided my tummy has to hurt while im exercising off my binge like wtf

how tf did i end up l0sing after two (2) b/p sessions yesterday? like its only 0.1kg but still

PEAK

can i stop eating idk what’s wrong w me

also why do i always nick something while purging? the blood just makes it so scary like wtf

how did me getting a little treat yesterday and cooking for me and my dad today turn into a 4 arayes + ice cream binge that i had to purge just now??? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

love how my "quick snack after work, just some warmed up frozen raspberries" turned into a 400 cal thing with half a tub of skyr and some added chocolate... still pretty ok for an omad ig but i shouldve just fasted

lowkey idk if its even a thing outside of where i live but a recommendation goes out to maggi fluid seasoning i can drink that shit straight from the bottle, its so good

why did i eat all of that

Still getting fatter despite every disordered thing I do

Easter is over so I can finally lock back in! 27hr f@st so far, let's see if I can make it to 48+

I dont deserve f00d