i have fully replaced going to target with going to thrift stores

tonight's video 🥵👣🦶🥵 www.xvideos.com/video.udkbdi...

fucking hell lol. got a push notification that google photos took it upon itself to make me a collage based on recent photos...

first and second bookmarked skeet

i wish i could quality test my own cock. like what's it taste like and am i slinging it good or is it trash?

Happy bisexual visibility day / M3GAN 2.0 drops on Blu-ray Day / Rapture day!!!

is the rapture right at midnight? in EST or like when Hawaii turns over to midnight? Is it 11:59 pm tomorrow? The 23rd in America or like Kiribati?

I personally am going to thrive in the post rapture world.

post sex glow

i didn't realize that we would be watching Tshidi Manye yesterday at the lion king. I had seen a TikTok that showed her final bow as Rafiki on Broadway but assumed that meant she was retiring from the role but it just meant physically on Broadway. She's performed as Rafiki over 9000 times!!!!

conspiracy theory: what if it was a stunt that went horribly wrong but they're going with it anyways? bc we live in an era of clownery and absurdity, i wouldn't put it past them to try something. also the intelligence/evidence gathered thus far is laughably bad.

i've been preparing myself all week for today as im going to go see the broadway tour of the lion king musical. the collective effervescence of live shows always turns me into a big weepy mess, and i have always wanted to see this musical in particular.

totally not obsessed or anything

where are we going after tiktok becomes truth-tok?

just start putting those celebrity/companies/politician support messages in a side by side video of that dipshit saying what he said. no commentary just @ them, a lil co-sign, since they love him so much. associate them publicly with exactly what he said.

what are u guys going to do with your $35 facebook settlement?

after dark: more than a few years ago (2019) video of me playing with my nuts hole and cock.

every time the governor of utah speaks: you listen. Cuz that shit is hilarious, that has got to be one of the dumbest public speakers ever.

i'm gonna increase my grip while you push when i tell you this: good morning!

look, i know I'm OBSESSED with Britney Spears, but she really did something with those pepsi commercials youtu.be/TG4giyL-4Sk?...

its been almost a YEAR since i was last fucked by a man 😳 how fast the weeks turn into months 😭

this little tune is so delicious and a reminder that there are no good nazis www.tiktok.com/t/ZP8SkrrTQ/

it is such a beautiful day out

wrap your lips around the fact that it's FCF!

every once in a while my wife expresses gratitude that she doesn't have to deal with shitty skid marked underwear and it's like damn... the bar is soooo low.

use me as your fleshlight, daddy 🥵

chat, what am i going to jack off to tonight?

🕯️in the arms of the angel🕯️

fun fact: i cannot back into parking spaces or parallel park to save my life but I can drive the shit out of a forklift like nobody's business

nothing hits quite like pulling through a parking spot instead of backing out

there's something wrong with my labubu

i do not care what liberals have to say or whether you think i'm wrong or tasteless for saying it but m3gan2.0 was such a bop and i really enjoyed it

ANYWAYS M3GAN2.0 comes out on blu-ray on Sept 23rd which (unrelated) is also bi visibility day!

*britney voice* there's only types holes in the world...

update: they all smelled pretty bad. there wasn't one that i would wear with confidence, unfortunately.

apparently fort troff and doc johnson collaborated on a cock cage and i missed it!? it's sold out!

wait till u see how i'm going to pervert this! it was $3.50!

breaking news from Portland:

i want an oopsbubu. as in a factory reject where two back sides are put together. a blank labubu. something like this:

if I ever had a line of anything (clothes/underwear/homegoods) it would be called cuck&bull, and it would be every bit eye roll inducing as u think.

one of my latest fantasies is finding a nice bi king who is interested in pipping both my wife and i down. unfortunately she's not interested bc she dislikes men and is also comfortably monogamous. but the thought of either a cuck/bull situation or bi 3some is wildly hot to me.

i understand the optics of my wife and i having separate bedrooms looks a lil questionable and our relationship is already very non traditional bc im bisexual, non monogamous, and our marriage is open.... but sleeping in separate bedrooms is one of the best choices we have made for our relationship

not unlike a disneyland attraction, my room has an A mode and a B mode. however, unlike a disneyland attraction, A mode is horny, and B mode is parent/guest friendly.

had another bathroom dream last night. again, the configuration and general design made no sense. it was like a massive airport bathroom/bathouse. this time FILLED with mostly men, indulging themselves in public play. the space wasn't dirty as in previous dreams, the vibe was horny/ funny.

tonight's wasted load: passionate fucking and kissing www.xvideos.com/video.hualfi...

all of you playing "silk song" when you should really be thinking about milking schlong

I’ll be 95 asking the 22 year old nursing assistant changing my catheter if he wants to see the Oops choreo again