grew a second head... also ... got a haircut

i cannot watch the first episode/intro song to unbreakable kimmy schmidt without getting emotional bc it takes me back to 2015.

POV: you're NEO and you're getting some head but also taking a boomerang bc it's 2015 and you're still inside the matrix.

🥵❤️🥵 when he wraps his legs around your waist and repositions your dick inside of him using just his muscular legs and hole muscles 🥵❤️🥵

thought i'd share these two gems i found on etsy that im considering buying:

one of these days i'll finish a project

you know what's fucking sexy and rare? an emotionally intelligent and mature man. try not to cum when you find one.

noob question: when doing a self-collection anal swab test for gonorrhea and chlamydia, how the fuck do you get the dry ass swab through your tight non lubricated hole?

this look is giving enrique iglesias trying not to be spotted circa 2016

the athletes in the olympic village ran through 10k condoms in 3 days, what are you doing with your weekend?

i put my thang down, flip it and reverse it

putting "proficient ikea furniture assembler" on my sexual resume

i bet one of these and a squeeze bottle of cleaner on the wrinkles and grooves of my brain would feel AMAZING

was shaving my balls in the shower this morning and was fantasizing about being fucked in the shower *post sex* and got HARD AF

furiously burning the candle at both ends

i just saw an ad for an ai university... not a degree in ai/computer science from a real university but an ai university 🤣🤣🤣

i love being queer

my pug is sooo dramatic and sooo annoying but i can't blame him cause like father like son amirite

a reskeet is all you're milking out of me today. happy valentine's day 😘😘

i have a quote a day calendar at work and today's quote rubs me the wrong way. is it just me?

glory hole videos from this POV are sooo underrated mastodon.social/@jaytotheuni...

Gays will share a picture with the caption "take me back" and it's just a picture without snow.

im on a drug that can cause word recall issues, like fighting to remember a specific word or a person's name, type of thing. it's a side effect that im keeping tabs on in case i need to stop or alert my doctor about.

you guys, does my hairline look like it's receding a little bit? 🫢

find me in the unlabeled fag cluster bluesky-map.theo.io

how i love love love latino culture

two of my sexiest friends hosted me last night at their place and i got to enjoy episode 1 + 2 of heated rivalry. great show and even lovelier company!

when i explain what i do for a living i realize that my job is very unnecessary and that's why it's confusing to people. i essentially project manage my boss who runs a factory. this week im shooting marketing video for internal sales and finishing a locker room upgrade.

love a man with a big nose

this was my heated rivalry idk i haven't seen the show yet

y'all remember music videos that used to make you cry?

pepper saltzman is such a great name

ok yes ticket prices are out of control but what would he know about it? im sure the price gouging is what's affecting his ticket sales.

anyways that's the kind of crap i woke up thinking about. it's sunday and i'm ready to go back to work!

one thing that FNAF movies never got right from the beginning is that they showed no additional personality, depth, or world building to the characters of the animatronics. in the game they're these lifeless defunct things but they're supposed to be based on characters children love.

Gay men who go out of their way to tell you that they don't like Beyoncé are a red flag.

scored this at goodwill for $13!

Models are BACK! Visit the NEW downtown Portland location. at 1013 SW Morrison St. Free Validated Parking at Smart Park (across the street) Open Daily 10 am - 7 pm, Sunday 11 am - 6 pm. #GayPDX #GayModel #SexyUndies #ShopSmall #DowntownPortland

watching disney's encanto was like: i don't relate to this giftedless one oh shit im the child who has to be strong and can't show weakness oh no im ALSO the one that has to be perfect all the time FUCK HER GIFT IS HEALING GENERATIONAL TRAUMA WTF IS THIS MOVIE HELP

my watch: hey baby 😘 you've been under a lot of stress lately 😭, more than usual 📈☹️. me: oh yeah 👀 my watch: for $12.99 you can unlock this report ... me:

whales that remind me of me, in bed 🐳😈, a late night thread:

where do you guys get your breaking news? i used to get almost live news breaks on tiktok but i dropped it and im looking for something else.

When will have PrEP gummies????

this admin. is just like the villains we grew up with, except THOSE villains weren’t poor-hygiene-having, mouth-breathing pedophiles... just rich assholes!

let this song be a master class in what went into the current situation... that and the US supply of racist dog whistles

the various players of the administration keep stepping on rakes.

Get rid of your TikToks, godammit.