I realized today I haven't been on a date in 11 months I have mixed feelings

As a representative of the Neanderthal community (I gots more than you) I'd like to advise you that MAGA is a Homo sapien problem. Fucking naked plains ape

My cow died so I don't need any bull

Don't use body scanners They pass a current through your body and measure your body composition based on the resistance to the current Now, we know electricity tends to follow a path of less resistance and it's typically the shortest path. The only part you measure is what's between the electrodes

Humans have cultivated garlic just because it tastes good It's one of our oldest domesticated plants That is beautiful

💀💀💀

Mort has a new friend

I suddenly remembered my first internet friend Elizabeth, you're still thought of. I hope the fires didn't cause you too much harm. QPentacles-you were a good friend

It's fucking snowing in the grossest way possible

Mort hates snow as much as I do

What would aliens get out of being in a conspiracy of secrecy with any government?

"Have you considered using Hinge?" Have you seen my social media feed. Nothing here is hinged.

I've never been smaller than that day I broke out of that watery hell hole. Never going back there again. Constant thumping noises and whooshes.

When you let a fart go and find out you're not feeling good

My YouTube algorithm has finally figured out I'm gay. The music suggestions have suddenly improved. This is the 25 year old account. So much history. BUT let's be honest, I came Out to Google a long time before anyone else. Before that Yahoo and AOL knew.

Ever post something and think, "That's an inside thought." Not worth deleting either

Wouldn't Dire Straits be your sphincter when you've got the runs?

Dear GenX and older... Unless you're submitting your mobile number to an international company, you don't need to include the "1" at the beginning. If you're not dialling out of the country, you don't even need to type it. Ever.

I just realized that next year will be my company's 40th year and my facility is the first. We're gonna be doing some fixes about the place. I'll also be a ball of anxiety the whole year

A secret: I will still have the thought, "You're struggling because you've mad God mad." Then I remember, I'm actually doing better than I was before. Yea, my mental health could be better, but it WAS SO MUCH WORSE THEN! I came Out because it was that or stop the fight all together.

Can I claim my anxiety as a dependent?

Imagine what we could do with all the energy we waste oppressing people or fighting oppressors. If folks didn't have to fight to live or be acknowledged they'd use that energy towards other things. They already have an eye towards the greater good and a better world... Such a waste

Straits holding up everything is on brand

Sodomy is only from southern Israel, otherwise it's just sparkling butt sex.

The Exorcist led me to ministry

Clothing designers We need a universal vocabulary. I have no idea how my five choices in polo uniform shirt fabric are different. I have no idea what they feel like. I can't do this So, I lose out on a company benefit and have to pay out-of-pocket.

I had a good laughing remembering the cafe scene followed by the: "This is hell. And there's a crucifix." Gonna watch tonight because I'm in my feelings and need levity

Whoever I was dreaming of last night, you're a good kisser

I know it shouldn’t surprise me, but truly cannot believe how many people will kill and send people to be killed for the fair weather graces of a dementia riddled pedophile

What the absolute fuck? This is real?

Got a text 20 minutes later saying the provider canceled. Ok, do I get $100 since it was less than 48 hours? Because I was trying to figure out that expense because I thought it was my tech difficulties.

Good idea How? Slapping up a sign with a vague idea isn't action. It's performance We would need a massive diversion of automatic withdrawals. Do I call HR? How do they input it?

I just can't... I've been in a semi-able state to deal with complex issues. Insurance changes, so I'm trying to get a new mental health team. I have AETNA, they use Talkiatry. First attempt, find local guy, good fit, suddenly gone because I wasn't logged in? 2nd attempt, Maryland. Can't connect

I aspire to become emperor and begin a beneficent reign passing on power to whomever is elected to be my successor. Humans want a strong hand telling them what to do Obviously

God's Penis Visible In Night Sky For First Time In Millennia

Can they aim for the hole at 1600?

😕 🍪

Memes are my love language

I hate businesses that use a social media platform as their primary means of communication. I'd love to get a tattoo with you, but I don't have Instagram. If you think I'm going to call, I'd rather swallow my head.

Dammit!! Iran was supposed to play in Seattle this summer. I was gonna confuse some guys and give them weird feelings

Might be later today

1,000 celsi

Also: how do I manage to find a way to reference age when I'm flirting? This time, I mentioned a blizzard in 98 or 99 and the issues with driving back to college that gave me. -Ohio can clear roads-

Dammit, the cute Dr is moving back east

Woke Mort up twice this morning after even sleeping in. Bru, I feel ya