The Nutmeg News
@thenutmegnews.com
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Satire, Humor, Commentary - Not Real News, Really
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The Nutmeg News
Morgan Hughes
about 2 months ago
Wait I thought Nutmeg News was satire?
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The Nutmeg News
Austin FC Fans Start "#MoveTheCaps" Campaign
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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Austin FC Fans Start "#MoveTheCaps" Campaign — The Nutmeg News
Austin, TX - Stating, “Business metrics don’t support them staying in Vancouver,” a collection of Austin FC fans took the internet to start a #MoveTheCaps campaign.
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/4/28/austin-fc-fans-start-movethecaps-campaign
about 2 months ago
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Jen House
about 2 months ago
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Eboni Navidad -Shirley Chisholm Fan Club
about 2 months ago
Lololol amazing 10/10
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The Nutmeg News
Andrew
about 2 months ago
Absolutely A+ work here
#crew96
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AmyLaura
about 2 months ago
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Austin FC Fans Start "#MoveTheCaps" Campaign
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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Austin FC Fans Start "#MoveTheCaps" Campaign — The Nutmeg News
Austin, TX - Stating, “Business metrics don’t support them staying in Vancouver,” a collection of Austin FC fans took the internet to start a #MoveTheCaps campaign.
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/4/28/austin-fc-fans-start-movethecaps-campaign
about 2 months ago
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"No New Players Until You Figure Out How To Play Better," Rants Irate Joey Saputo To Montreal Staff
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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"No New Players Until You Figure Out How To Play Better," Rants Irate Joey Saputo To Montreal Staff — The Nutmeg News
Bologna, IT - An irate Joey Saputo reportedly ranted, “No new players until you figure out how to play better,” to the Montreal Impact staff as he struck back at the, “loafing freeloaders who are not ...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/4/13/no-new-players-until-you-figure-out-how-to-play-better-rants-irate-joey-saputo-to-montreal-staff
2 months ago
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Brian
2 months ago
It me.
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FIFA Prepares Fallout Foursome Funpack Ticket Offer For The Low Price of $15,000 (Without Parking)
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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FIFA Prepares Fallout Foursome Funpack Ticket Offer For The Low Price of $15,000 (Without Parking) — The Nutmeg News
INTERNET - FIFA (the international money laundering syndicate) is reportedly preparing a Fallout Foursome Funpack ticket offer for the low price of $15,000 (without parking) for one 2026 World Cup gam...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/4/7/fifa-prepares-fallout-foursome-funpack-ticket-offer-for-the-low-price-of-15000-without-parking
2 months ago
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Jason Davis
2 months ago
Excited to see which former US international-turned-pundit is hawking this incredible deal!
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FIFA Prepares Fallout Foursome Funpack Ticket Offer For The Low Price of $15,000 (Without Parking)
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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FIFA Prepares Fallout Foursome Funpack Ticket Offer For The Low Price of $15,000 (Without Parking) — The Nutmeg News
INTERNET - FIFA (the international money laundering syndicate) is reportedly preparing a Fallout Foursome Funpack ticket offer for the low price of $15,000 (without parking) for one 2026 World Cup gam...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/4/7/fifa-prepares-fallout-foursome-funpack-ticket-offer-for-the-low-price-of-15000-without-parking
2 months ago
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"At Least I Wouldn't Have To Watch The Rest Of The Season," States Philadelphia Union Fan Finding The Bright Side Of Possible Nuclear Armageddon
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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"At Least I Wouldn't Have To Watch The Rest Of The Season," States Philadelphia Union Fan Finding The Bright Side Of Possible Nuclear Armageddon — The Nutmeg News
PHILADELPHIA - Union fan Ray Hewitt stated, “At least I wouldn’t have to watch the rest of the season,” as he tried to find the bright side of possible nuclear Armageddon this Tuesday.
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/4/7/at-least-i-wouldnt-have-to-watch-the-rest-of-the-season-states-philadelphia-union-fan-finding-the-bright-side-of-possible-nuclear-armageddon
2 months ago
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John Parker
2 months ago
I’m seen
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"At Least I Wouldn't Have To Watch The Rest Of The Season," States Philadelphia Union Fan Finding The Bright Side Of Possible Nuclear Armageddon
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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"At Least I Wouldn't Have To Watch The Rest Of The Season," States Philadelphia Union Fan Finding The Bright Side Of Possible Nuclear Armageddon — The Nutmeg News
PHILADELPHIA - Union fan Ray Hewitt stated, “At least I wouldn’t have to watch the rest of the season,” as he tried to find the bright side of possible nuclear Armageddon this Tuesday.
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/4/7/at-least-i-wouldnt-have-to-watch-the-rest-of-the-season-states-philadelphia-union-fan-finding-the-bright-side-of-possible-nuclear-armageddon
2 months ago
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A Harrison
2 months ago
Every long-time supporters group member who now sits in the upper supporters' group rows/sections reading this:
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Braedon
2 months ago
I'm a zoomer, and I got this reference.
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Danielle, the Teal Joker ︽✵︽
2 months ago
It's me, the elder fan
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Owl with a Bowtie, Certified Meal Haver
2 months ago
Grandpa’s the name
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Ryan Rosenblatt, Back to Back World Series Champ
2 months ago
I regret to confirm that I did this two weeks ago
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Regs Benedict
2 months ago
I'm in this picture and I don't like it đź«Ł
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Gab
2 months ago
I’ve been hit.
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Elder NWSL Fan Drunkenly Relates The Story Of MagicJack To Spellbound Audience Of Zoomer Soccer Fans
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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Elder NWSL Fan Drunkenly Relates The Story Of MagicJack To Spellbound Audience Of Zoomer Soccer Fans — The Nutmeg News
WASHINGTON - An Elder NWSL fan was found drunkenly relating the story Of MagicJack to a spellbound audience of zoomer soccer fans as the story of Dan Borislow’s hubris began to take shape.
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/4/4/elder-nwsl-fan-drunkenly-relates-the-story-of-magicjack-to-spellbound-audience-of-zoomer-soccer-fans
2 months ago
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DC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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DC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon —...
WASHINGTON - DC Soccer Fan Steve Williams stated that he wasn’t certain if the $139 CryptoBananas Unobstructed View upgrade available to purchase would clash with his $179 Coca-Cola 4D World Cup Exper...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/4/2/dc-soccer-fan-uncertain-if-139-cryptocash-unobstructed-view-upgrade-will-clash-with-179-coca-cola-4d-experience-brought-to-you-by-hyundai-at-89-a-ticket-world-cup-party-brought-to-you-by-raytheon
2 months ago
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MoreartbyBrentAMoore
2 months ago
"To and from the experience” Synopsis of now till July 19.
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DC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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DC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon —...
WASHINGTON - DC Soccer Fan Steve Williams stated that he wasn’t certain if the $139 CryptoBananas Unobstructed View upgrade available to purchase would clash with his $179 Coca-Cola 4D World Cup Exper...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/4/2/dc-soccer-fan-uncertain-if-139-cryptocash-unobstructed-view-upgrade-will-clash-with-179-coca-cola-4d-experience-brought-to-you-by-hyundai-at-89-a-ticket-world-cup-party-brought-to-you-by-raytheon
2 months ago
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David Beffert
2 months ago
I appreciate Nutmeg News waiting until April 2 to publish so that this story gets the consideration it deserves.
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DC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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DC Soccer Fan UnCertain If $139 CryptoCash Unobstructed View Upgrade Will Clash With $179 Coca-Cola 4D Experience Brought To You By Hyundai At $89 A Ticket World Cup Party Brought To You By Raytheon —...
WASHINGTON - DC Soccer Fan Steve Williams stated that he wasn’t certain if the $139 CryptoBananas Unobstructed View upgrade available to purchase would clash with his $179 Coca-Cola 4D World Cup Exper...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/4/2/dc-soccer-fan-uncertain-if-139-cryptocash-unobstructed-view-upgrade-will-clash-with-179-coca-cola-4d-experience-brought-to-you-by-hyundai-at-89-a-ticket-world-cup-party-brought-to-you-by-raytheon
2 months ago
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United States Men's National Team Announce They Will End Portugal Game After 0-2 Victory
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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United States Men's National Team Announce They Will End Portugal Game After 0-2 Victory — The Nutmeg News
Atlanta, GA - The United States Men’s National Team (USMT) announced today that they will end the Portugal game that was started on the 31st of March 2026 with a 0-2 Victory as they stated, “we’ve got...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/4/1/united-states-mens-national-team-announce-they-will-end-portugal-game-after-0-2-victory
2 months ago
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United States Men's National Team Announce They Will End Portugal Game After 0-2 Victory
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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United States Men's National Team Announce They Will End Portugal Game After 0-2 Victory — The Nutmeg News
Atlanta, GA - The United States Men’s National Team (USMT) announced today that they will end the Portugal game that was started on the 31st of March 2026 with a 0-2 Victory as they stated, “we’ve got...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/4/1/united-states-mens-national-team-announce-they-will-end-portugal-game-after-0-2-victory
2 months ago
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God Admits He Can't Focus On Helping Poor, Destitute, And Immigrant Communities Until He Finishes Coordinating 2026 World Cup Prayers By USMNT Fans
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025...
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God Admits He Can't Focus On Helping Poor, Destitute, And Immigrant Communities Until He Finishes Coordinating 2026 World Cup Prayers By USMNT Fans — The Nutmeg News
LOS ANGELES - God, the almighty American business god, admitted that he can’t focus on helping the poor, destitute and immigrant communities in the world until he finishes coordinating his response to...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2025/6/12/god-admits-he-cant-focus-on-helping-poor-destitute-and-immigrant-communities-until-he-finishes-coordinating-2026-world-cup-prayers-by-usmnt-fans
3 months ago
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FIFA Hopes World Cup Spotlight Will Force United States To Resolve Human Rights Issues
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2018...
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FIFA Hopes World Cup Spotlight Will Force United States To Resolve Human Rights Issues — The Nutmeg News
Zurich, CH - After the final announcement was made regarding the destination of the 2026 World Cup, the Fédération Internationale de Football Association (FIFA) indicated that they hoped the World Cup...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2018/6/13/fifa-hopes-world-cup-spotlight-will-force-united-states-to-resolve-human-rights-issues
3 months ago
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FIFA Awards President Trump 2026 FIFA War Prize
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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FIFA Awards President Trump 2026 FIFA War Prize — The Nutmeg News
FIFA (the international money laundering organization) announced that President Donald Trump was awarded the newly created 2026 FIFA War Prize after his air strikes, incursion and coup overnight in Ve...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/1/3/fifa-awards-president-trump-2026-fifa-war-prize
3 months ago
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Orlando Pride Fan Still, STILL Waiting For GO90 Stream To Resume
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2018...
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Orlando Pride Fan Still, STILL Waiting For GO90 Stream To Resume — The Nutmeg News
Tampa, FL - Earlier this year, The Nutmeg News reported on Orlando Pride fan Heather Pulaski who was waiting for the Orlando Pride v Seattle Reign stream to resume after riding out Hurricane Irma.
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2018/1/10/orlando-pride-fan-still-still-waiting-for-go90-stream-to-resume
3 months ago
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David Beffert
3 months ago
I just learned today that something called Victory+ exists. *deep sigh*
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NWSL Fan Ready To Start Another Season Of Trying To Figure Out How To Watch Games
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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NWSL Fan Ready To Start Another Season Of Trying To Figure Out How To Watch Games — The Nutmeg News
Kansas City, KS - Current fan Jessica Williams stated that she was excited to start another season of trying to figure out how to watch games as the soccer fan ensured she was paid up on her subscript...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/3/13/nwsl-fan-ready-to-start-another-season-of-trying-to-figure-out-how-to-watch-games
3 months ago
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soccer watcher
3 months ago
ME ATM.
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Willow, but not Vamp Willow
3 months ago
I am in this picture and I do not like it .GIF
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Grace Ott
3 months ago
What the hell is Victory+?!
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rowan (woso arc)
3 months ago
it's like modding Skyrim, the goal isn't the game, the goal is the process
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NWSL Fan Ready To Start Another Season Of Trying To Figure Out How To Watch Games
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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NWSL Fan Ready To Start Another Season Of Trying To Figure Out How To Watch Games — The Nutmeg News
Kansas City, KS - Current fan Jessica Williams stated that she was excited to start another season of trying to figure out how to watch games as the soccer fan ensured she was paid up on her subscript...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/3/13/nwsl-fan-ready-to-start-another-season-of-trying-to-figure-out-how-to-watch-games
3 months ago
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Orlando Pride Fan Still, STILL Waiting For GO90 Stream To Resume
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2018...
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3 months ago
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NWSL Fan Ready To Start Another Season Of Trying To Figure Out How To Watch Games
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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NWSL Fan Ready To Start Another Season Of Trying To Figure Out How To Watch Games — The Nutmeg News
Kansas City, KS - Current fan Jessica Williams stated that she was excited to start another season of trying to figure out how to watch games as the soccer fan ensured she was paid up on her subscript...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/3/13/nwsl-fan-ready-to-start-another-season-of-trying-to-figure-out-how-to-watch-games
3 months ago
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United States Soccer Federation Explores "Total War" Option Of Eliminating Teams From The 2026 World Cup
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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United States Soccer Federation Explores "Total War" Option Of Eliminating Teams From The 2026 World Cup — The Nutmeg News
CHICAGO - With the elimination of Iran from the 2026 World Cup, the United States Soccer Federation (USSF), reportedly, is exploring a “total war” option of eliminating teams from the tournament.
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/3/11/united-states-soccer-federation-explores-total-war-option-of-eliminating-teams-from-the-2026-world-cup
3 months ago
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United States Soccer Federation Explores "Total War" Option Of Eliminating Teams From The 2026 World Cup
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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United States Soccer Federation Explores "Total War" Option Of Eliminating Teams From The 2026 World Cup — The Nutmeg News
CHICAGO - With the elimination of Iran from the 2026 World Cup, the United States Soccer Federation (USSF), reportedly, is exploring a “total war” option of eliminating teams from the tournament.
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/3/11/united-states-soccer-federation-explores-total-war-option-of-eliminating-teams-from-the-2026-world-cup
3 months ago
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United States Soccer Federation Explores "Total War" Option Of Eliminating Teams From The 2026 World Cup
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026...
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United States Soccer Federation Explores "Total War" Option Of Eliminating Teams From The 2026 World Cup — The Nutmeg News
CHICAGO - With the elimination of Iran from the 2026 World Cup, the United States Soccer Federation (USSF), reportedly, is exploring a “total war” option of eliminating teams from the tournament.
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2026/3/11/united-states-soccer-federation-explores-total-war-option-of-eliminating-teams-from-the-2026-world-cup
3 months ago
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Legacy Of Supporters Shield Falters As Scientists Indicate It Would Fail To Protect Against A Trebuchet Attack
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2021...
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Legacy Of Supporters Shield Falters As Scientists Indicate It Would Fail To Protect Against A Trebuchet Attack — The Nutmeg News
Cambridge, MA - The legacy of the Supporter’s Shield faltered, today, as scientists with Harvard University indicated that the shield would fail to protect against a common Trebuchet attack as they vi...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2021/10/27/legacy-of-supporters-shield-falters-as-scientists-indicate-it-would-fail-to-protect-against-a-trebuchet-attack
3 months ago
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Legacy Of Supporters Shield Falters As Scientists Indicate It Would Fail To Protect Against A Trebuchet Attack
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2021...
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Legacy Of Supporters Shield Falters As Scientists Indicate It Would Fail To Protect Against A Trebuchet Attack — The Nutmeg News
Cambridge, MA - The legacy of the Supporter’s Shield faltered, today, as scientists with Harvard University indicated that the shield would fail to protect against a common Trebuchet attack as they vi...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2021/10/27/legacy-of-supporters-shield-falters-as-scientists-indicate-it-would-fail-to-protect-against-a-trebuchet-attack
3 months ago
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Man Has, "A Lot Of Things Going On Right Now, But Keep Me In Mind The NEXT Time You Paint"
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2018...
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Man Has, "A Lot Of Things Going On Right Now, But Keep Me In Mind The NEXT Time You Paint" — The Nutmeg News
St Louis, MO - According to a hastily worded voicemail message left on supporter's group member Dontrell Williams phone, Robert Henry of St. Louis has, "a lot of things going on right now, but ke...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2018/8/9/man-has-a-lot-of-things-going-on-right-now-but-keep-me-in-mind-the-next-time-you-paint
3 months ago
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Man Has, "A Lot Of Things Going On Right Now, But Keep Me In Mind The NEXT Time You Paint"
www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2018...
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Man Has, "A Lot Of Things Going On Right Now, But Keep Me In Mind The NEXT Time You Paint" — The Nutmeg News
St Louis, MO - According to a hastily worded voicemail message left on supporter's group member Dontrell Williams phone, Robert Henry of St. Louis has, "a lot of things going on right now, but ke...
https://www.thenutmegnews.com/current/2018/8/9/man-has-a-lot-of-things-going-on-right-now-but-keep-me-in-mind-the-next-time-you-paint
3 months ago
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