How can today be an important and noteworthy day in global soccer if the Columbus Crew aren’t playing? Boxing Day is not real. Thank you.

Made a shirt for Pam’s mom of Pam’s dad. I’ve never seen them more embarrassed. This family is so lucky to have me.

#Crew96 jersey leak.

Happy Chrimbus Eve to the only sports fans who have ever mattered in the history of the world.

At Land Grant, the finest brewery in Cowtown. Look at these legends. Bless.

Pam and I share almost no interests. We have very little in common. FOR INSTANCE. I showed her this video tonight, which I believe to be one of the finest pieces of art that a human has ever made. She hated it. The apocalypse is coming. Pam is a coward. youtu.be/sw3_5AaWBlY

In 2011 there were 248 Crew fans and 93 of us were on this thing called the HSH Facebook group and this product would have caused such outrage that 44 of us would have died.

The number of people who angrily fill out the contact us form on our website to complain about the Crew gear shop screwing up their order is substantially greater than zero. (Supporter Supply is not the Crew. Homage is the Crew.)

(Eat shit, Philip Rivers.)

🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Latin boys everywhere watching that pick six

ICE are just deputized January 6th insurrectionists.

Shout out to the Stank Prince, that chatty little kid from the MEGATAILGATE at the old stadium, a true and proper son of the Nordecke, one of our own, who signed for the Crew U-15 academy. Greatest team the world has ever seen. Glory to Columbus.

Pass it on. #NEAT

4 more vintage #Crew96 jerseys all fixed-up for a certain amigo who holds the record for least amount of Blood Points™️ from the failing ACES Radio.

Come home, daddy. 🙏

Crew fandom is better than Celtic fandom because in Celtic fandom this picture doesn’t make sense.

Arace single-handedly bringing back the hashtang #Crew96 podcast warz.

Somewhere there is a picture of me and Pam at the zoo and we had just met and we were still enjoying spending time together and we’re sitting in a giant gorilla sculpture and I have majestic green face paint on my face and I’m wearing a Celtic soccer jersey, god she is so lucky to have me.

I did that “blue skeetz year in review” thing and then I manually reviewed my review, and judged all of you.

The Dan Lolli Division™️

I’ll have my AirPods in, listening to NPR while mindlessly grinding out some work project, and Siri will interrupt me and go “ALEX SAID TO THE ACES RADIO CRIME FAMILY GROUP THESE LITTLE BOYS NEED TO GET BLASTED AND SENT A PICTURE OF A DOG”

Good interview with Mike, even though I try not to give my support to outlets that don’t respek Jersey Shore. Reminder to subscribe to The Disrespected. #Crew96 #CBJ

Two more vintage #Crew96 jerseys all fixed-up and sent back to their owner. 🫡

“Sorry babe I went Christmas shopping and spent $194.99 each on 50 green polyester shirts in the same size that won’t ship before Christmas”

Will the last one leaving Columbus please turn off the lights?

I don’t like AI bc you can’t just tell a computer to make a TV series where a man gets jealous of a cow but then he falls in love with the cow but the cow falls in love with another cow & he chases the two cows across the country in a red ‘91 Pontiac Grand Am. Art that good takes human effort.

I will never forgive FX for cancelling English Teacher. I hope bad things happen to the person who made the decision.

The chances that the replacement for Wilfried Nancy is literally Wilfried Nancy is greater than 0%. #Crew96

(2 to 3 inches overnight was my nickname in high school.)

DISCUSSION: I have told Nora that Santa, the tooth fairy, Easter bunny, and god aren’t real for her entire life. Pam says I have robbed her of the magic of childhood, while I refuse to weave a web of lies that we have to untangle as she grows up. Tell your friends that Pam is a coward. Thank you.

Five years ago today the Crew annihilated the Seattle Sounders in MLS Cup by an unprecedented score of 3-0 in front of millions of people on national television including their own allegedly innocent family and friends.

Ryan Day looking at Michigan’s recruiting class

UPDATE: Mike’s board had a built-in drop system, and it’s incredible. The drops, however, did not import to the final audio file. There is great sadness.

Today at SuppCo HQ, if all things go according to plan, we will be recording the first ever #Crew96 podcast from Disrespected Media. Bless.

Motherfuckers talking on ESPN with straight faces that you can’t be punished for losing your conference championship game when Florida State literally just got punished for WINNING theirs how recently?

Conference championship game postgame interviews really remind you how involved the Bronze Age war deity Yahweh is in college football.

Imagine being a Columbus sports fan who’s been ironically wearing Mendoza jersey for 15 years. HOW EMBARSSSING. BURN THE WITCH.

Me after losing tonight but it’s the 12 team playoff era and we already won The Game

Crazy that the same week Ohio State’s offensive coordinator got hired at a different program Ohio State’s offense took a huge shit piss in our own pants on national television, what a crazy turn of events wow wow wow wow wow

Losing this game to the worst college football program in history would be a lot more destructive to my personal ethos if this wasn’t actually a four hour Dr Pepper commercial disguised as a conference championship game.

If Fox wasn’t intentionally destroying America’s interest in democracy so hard, what they’re doing to college football would be even more noteworthy.

HCME

MLS, as an entity, is not neutral. Parity, as institutionalized via the salary cap, is a vehicle to keep wages low. MLS HQ changes rules to directly benefit chosen markets, and when one of those markets win, a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries. Fuck the San Jose Earthquakes.

A lot of people on the streets were saying 2012 Barcelona would never win MLS Cup, bet they feel pretty fucking silly right now

When MLS decides that a team should win MLS Cup, sometimes they do. 🤷🏻‍♂️

I met Stav of Stav’s Diner fame in our early twenties. He’s one of the best dudes Columbus has to offer. Support Mike. Support Stavros. That is all. #Crew96 #CBJ

(It is insane how fast this happens.)

Pam’s family is 0% white trash, whereas mine is AT LEAST 25%.

What a uniquely embarrassing moment in American history.