ANYONE WHO WEARS A SUPPORTER SUPPLY HAT IN THE LOCAL PAPER OF RECORD IS A FRIEND OF MINE.

FOX is a fascist propaganda network, and we’d rather listen to a language we don’t speak than to Alexi Lalas. 🤷🏻‍♂️

I had an allergy attack in the middle of the night last night and I’m running on 90 minutes of sleep and I’ve agreed to fill in for Mort on @upper90clubpod.bsky.social tonight at 9:30pm. How I feel inside of my head:

Good evening to Cucho Hernandez only.

HEY COLUMBUS, IF YOU ENJOYED THE MEN’S WORLD CUP TRY COMING TO A CREW GAME AT THE NEW STADIUM! TICKETS ARE THE MOST EXPENSIVE IN THE LEAGUE AND WE’RE IN 10TH PLACE AND WE’VE BEEN SELLING OUR GOOD PLAYERS NON STOP FOR THREE YEARS! ALSO THE OWNERS WANT YOUR WIFE TO DIE FROM AN ECTOPIC PREGNANCY YAY!

Listen, this is the men’s team. We aren’t good and we lose in the round of 16 in the World Cup. We never look so fucking pitiful doing so. That you can lay squarely at the feet of the softest possible golden generation, and the vibes-murdering blatant corruption of FIFA and the Trump regime.

This is the most embarassing blowout I’ve seen involving Seattle since the Columbus Crew murdered the Sounders in MLS Cup 2020 by a score of 3-0 in front of millions of people on national television including their own family and friends.

This is USSF science and we must accept it

Yes the #USMNT shit their pants in the most meaningful men’s game in history, but at least MLS fired their entire organization earlier this year, oh wait shit

Pausa de Castracion

Pulisic to the bench. Another MAGA Christian vanishes when they are needed the most. *rimshot*

Impossible to have imagined Seattle losing the stands to a team from a country 5,000 miles away. And yet, here we are. #Sounders2ATX

“What happened to the team that won their group?” That’s them out there, same dudes, they’re just playing a real soccer team now so they’re melting like the men’s squad always does. I’ve been watching this team for 32 years and I am BEGGING you for your own sake to not believe that we will win.

Tim Ream paying his respects to Mitch McConnell, very classy 🙏

This always has been and will forever be the experience of watching the men’s team in a World Cup. Eventually we play a good team and they murder us because we’re bad. No amount of Seattle capos will change the fact that we’re the Minnesota Golden Gophers of global soccer.

Belgium scores, John Strong within one actual minute: “This is where the Seattle crowd is going to be so important.” 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

DOES BELGIUM HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY TED LASSO BELIEVE BANNERS THEYRE GOING TO SEE TONIGHT? HOPE YOU LIKE APPLE TV YOU WAFFLE EATING PISS BABIES

De Bruyne, Doku, and Lukaku all on the bench for Belgium because they are fuckin’ TERRIFIED of the AO Seattle capos and how coordinated their USA VIKING CLAPS are. PATHETIC.

Just under two hours until the AO Seattle capos show all you weak-ass European piss babies how intimidating coordinated clapping and yelling can be. WRAP YOURSELVES IN YOUR TOTALLY NOT GERMAN FLAGS AND PRAY FOR DEATH

Spain and Portugal are the same country. You call tell because of the way that they are.

They’re saying it’s some of the most sports ever played.

Mexico blindly sending in crosses for 30 minutes like 2015 Kei Kamara is going to appear if they do it long enough.

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WELCOME TO CONCACAF AFTER DARK MY SWEET SWEET EUROPEAN FUCCBABIES HAVE YOU EVER DANCED WITH THE DEVIL IN THE PALE MOONLIGHT

AT HALFTIME THE MEXICO FANS SHOULD TRY THROWING MORE BAGS OF PISS AND CHANTING MORE HOMOPHOBIC SLURS

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAJAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA OHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHAT A GREAT NIGHT

HAHAHAHAHA EAT SHIT DORKS

Mexico fans ole-ing in the 4th minute and p*to chanting on goal kicks makes this feel like a very well-attended 2011 MLS game

A lot of people probably don’t know this but I’ve always been a huge fan of (checks the schedule) England.

Imagine how many more coordinated chants the AO Seattle capos have access to now that Balogun has been cleared to play. Belgium simply has no idea the kind of werewolf with a chainsaw for a penis that they are going up against tomorrow. Capos by a million.

OHHHHH MY GOD.

Happy 4th of July from me and Megan Rapinoe.

Every Argentina fan is the biggest dork in whatever room they walk into. I’m rooting against them because no one should ever celebrate virginity. Thank you.

Alexa what has to happen in this game so that I never have to hear about Messi as long as I fucking live because I am rooting for that eventuality more than anything

(My nickname in high school was the blue shark.)

@bam22542.bsky.social @jcederbloom.bsky.social WE DID IT FAM

Temu Diego Rossi

#Crew96 acquire MF Brais Méndez, 29, on transfer from Real Sociedad. Fee undisclosed. DM scouts: Classic Spanish attacker. Can play 8, 10 and 9, wide or deeper in the midfield. Diligent without the ball. Good technique. Very good underlying numbers. Played 29 games for a top-half La Liga club.

Everything happens on Thursday. #Crew96

Good morning to the New York Times puzzle editor only.

People who weren’t around for the Great Capo War of 2013 Qualifying don’t understand how easy of a win this will be for #USMNT on Monday. The AO Seattle chapter and their soccer-inventing cheerleaders have been planning for this exact day for 100 (13) years. Belgium has zero chance. ZERO. CHANCE.

Now we appeal the Balogun suspension in the Northern District of Texas

BELGIUM ABOUT TO FIND OUT ON MONDAY NIGHT HOW COORDINATED THE SEATTLE CAPOS ARE GOING TO MAKE THIS BITCH

(First Gregg Berhalter sighting on TV when he wasn’t chugging bottled water since 2002.)

EAT SHIT YOU FIFA LOSERSSSSSSSS

One idiot uses a power he shouldn’t even have to make a horrible executive decision and the entire country suffers. It’s the American way. #USMNT

My only critique of the first half is that no one does the LeBron celly anymore and we need to do better as a team and as a nation and as a people. #USMNT

MY WAR DAD

OMFGGGGGGOOOOOAAAALLLLL

SAN FRANCISCO

Let’s do this thing, internet friends. #USMNT