How can anybody drive with their windows up when it’s a glorious 67° outside? (20C for my European friends.)

Well, you can finally cross “I’ve seen a handcuffed, inflatable penis” off your bucket list

As seen today…..

And the shirt I’ll be wearing today!

As seen on Twitter

This moron needs to go back to truth social…..

Good! apnews.com/live/donald-...

Howard Stern tells it like it it.... www.youtube.com/shorts/3mJ14...

Day 1329 of my 3 day war. This war has left the russian navy with submarines that can't sink and ships that can't float. I remain a master strategist.

What a great weekend in Lubbock! Go red Raiders!

Hangin’ with 55,000 close friends…..

Is he describing himself or Hunter Biden?

You are really on today!

Legal Ruling Forces God To Add Cancer Warning To Earth https://theonion.com/legal-ruling-forces-god-to-add-cancer-warning-to-earth/

Yeah!! I get to go to Lubbock Texas this weekend. 🫣 Actually, we’ll have a good time. We’re gonna go to the football game, and see Max. This should be our next to last trip before he graduates in December.

“A second inflatable frog has now been spotted wiggling through Portland.”

There’s no hate like Christian love

This civil war will be different, because this time we will win. by Pete Hegseth, Steve Miller, and JD Vance

The thing that makes me the sickest is that these folks don’t even have a shred of compassion. It’s one thing to enforce laws and rules. It’s another to do it gleefully and celebrate the suffering of someone born into poverty and desperation

While there is no prohibition on Chinese ownership in U.S. military contractors like Elon Musk's SpaceX, such investment is heavily regulated and the issue is treated by the U.S. government as a significant national security concern. By @justinelliott.bsky.social & @josh-kaplan.bsky.social

We saw “one battle after another”. I’m just not a big Paul Thomas Anderson fan. I did not like it.

Perfect! 😂😂😂

Not a cult tho

NEW: A federal judge rules that the DOJ’s criminal case against Kilmar Abrego Garcia may be a form of punishment against him for legally challenging his removal to El Salvador, and said he is entitled to discovery against the administration.

“Democrats are negotiating about policy when they should be negotiating about power. The only compromises Democrats should accept in exchange for bailing out the GOP Congress are ones that would either rebalance the government, or put limits on executive power.” open.substack.com/pub/thebulwa...

1 Onion Subscriber vs 20 Non-Subscribers on our new series: Encircled. Subscribe at https://membership.theonion.com/?campaign=701a500001bfegPAAQ to get the paper delivered to your door.

It’s been a stressful day at work. I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue……

The UAE obtained access to advanced AI chips after it purchased $2 billion of Trump's cryptocurrency—alarming security experts. When I tried to explain this to a Missouri focus group, I was greeted with blank stares. Finally, after a long silence, one member asked if anyone involved was trans.

Bad Bunny

via @lincolnsquare.media 🚨 Federal ICE THUGS on top of the Broadview, IL federal building ROOF are SHOOTING non-lethal rounds, including pepper balls and tear gas, at protesters AND the media who pose no threat behind a locked fence. Americans are being shot at for exercising their rights.

I have finally figured it out! 77° is the perfect temperature to drive around with my windows down. For my friends outside of the United States, 25C. Life is very good being able to drive around with the windows down at that temperature. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Ty Cobb: "The simple theme is rewriting history. Trump wants to rewrite history so the next generation may not know that he incited a violent insurrection... America needs to learn from the mistakes that we've had. And one of the biggest mistakes that America ever had was reelecting President Trump"

I miss my 50-year streak of not knowing who the Secretary of Health is or anything about them.

Trump To Travel With Own Escalator Following U.N. Embarrassment

For whatever reason, I’ve never watched Jimmy Kimmel’s show. But I did tonight. His monologue on free speech was well delivered. It reminded me of the MANY liberties we should vehemently protect.

RFK Jr. Warns Mistress That Condoms Cause Autism https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-warns-mistress-that-condoms-cause-autism/

‘Chief Of War’ Producers Confirm Season 2 Will Show Hawaiians Battling Mark Zuckerberg https://theonion.com/chief-of-war-producers-confirm-season-2-will-show-hawaiians-battling-mark-zuckerberg/

Guest Opinion | Real Fascism Has Never Been Tried by Stephen Miller

My CARP (corruption above replacement president) model estimates that the bribe that Tom Homans took amounted to only 0.001% of the bribes that Trump has taken. And I tell you the best way to blow 50,000 bucks at a CAVA. All that and more in the next Silver Bulletin.

A bit underplayed that the Homan sting didn't reportedly come out of a public corruption investigation, it was a counter-intelligence one. Which means they somehow made the not-very-far leap to him from initially targeting a foreign and almost certainly state actor.

Border Czar Tom Homan took $50K from undercover FBI agents last year. Now Trump’s DOJ and FBI shut down the case: join me over on Substack: substack.com/@thefrankfig...

Donald Trump is way less popular than he wants you to believe. And you are significantly more powerful than he wants you to think.

Maybe

Like many children, I first learned of annexation of Austria by Nazi Germany after watching Captain Von Trapp ripping up the Nazi flag. What a sad irony it is that Disney, who now owns the rights to "The Sound of Music", has capitulated to another megalomaniac fascist.