I would make 1000 sequels to Master and Commander and each one could have a budget of 77 million dollars

I don't know if I can tell the difference between classic and non-classic but "shitty little work-in-a-room shirt and car man" is part of the permanent collection in my brain.

There's a hauntingly beautiful irony in these morons thinking that carefully crafted American hegemony was actually weak and woke, and they would be the ones who would do Power and Dominance properly, and immediately bringing everything crashing down

In reality, Tim Meadows only ever plays one character: Tim Meadows, and he always nails it.

the US operation in Iran

Here we go. Samwise Fukken Gamgee, the only Ring Bearer ever to take the ring, wear it (to do action hero shit!!) and then willingly give it up.

Are we like REALLY sure it wasn’t fired by Iran? I’m just saying, I wouldn’t put it past Trump to be doing Iran-Contra 2.0 and selling them Tomahawks.

Motherfucker said “forthwith”

Never a good sign when you gotta hand it to Iran

I got the Carl Sagan one wrong. It was obviously Sagan, and once I started reading both of them in his voice, it just became a roll of the dice.

It's important to read between the lines: What he's saying is that they're also doing Iran-Contra 2.0.

they have extracted all the semen from every ice agent who plugged themselves alone in a marriott bathroom and now the president is going to drink it

Still thinking about her

Know the warning signs. Today it's crystals, tomorrow it's ivermectin and vaccine denialism.

If I knew what Kalshi was, I'd be putting big money on these guys becoming "former US military investigators" real soon

Glad that none of my state's Democrats voted for this nonsense. Andy Harris can have this one, as a treat, since he's getting gerrymandered back to the Eastern Shore.

If I knew what Kalshi was, I'd be putting big money on these guys becoming "former US military investigators" real soon

DHS keeps the fuck plane. Lewandowski stays on it and he has to fuck. Markwayne's problem now.

Historian here history first time as tragedy the second time as farce.

Know the warning signs. Today it's crystals, tomorrow it's ivermectin and vaccine denialism.

The president continued, "Yip, yip, yip, yip. Telephone! BRRR-RING! BRRR-RING!"

The president continued, "Yip, yip, yip, yip. Telephone! BRRR-RING! BRRR-RING!"

It seems significant that the New York Times, a site that normally bends over backwards to sane-wash Trump's word salad, and is deathly allergic to linking to other sites, went out of their way to link to the New York Post so they could print a quote that makes it sound like he was having a stroke.

Now thatsa spicy ratio! 🤌

He wouldn't go to the White House, but definitely would go to Mar-a-Lago, just to fuck with the members.

That account sucks shit. Even when it’s not AI slop, it’s just lazy resistance slop

You love to see it

Lauren Sanchez is the answer to "what if those outlandish Met Gala outfits were made out of skin?"

There is simply no good reason to trust these opaque organisations that represent mainstream science. Have you considered trusting a relentlessly unpleasant and disingenuous guy with a substack instead?

Their answers are bad, but the fact that they’re so obviously embarrassed to even hold their signs up makes it so much worse, because they KNOW their answers are bad.

Just checking out Jmail, which now includes all of Epstein's Amazon orders, and wait a second…

How is this guy’s name Valdez? Incredibly lazy reality we’re living in here.

The Supreme Court couldn't possibly be any clearer: It's totally cool to go over the line, just not *too far* over the line.

I'm going to make a point to be there when they start tearing all this shit down.

you will be visited by three spirits

All these people saying “use a frozen river”: how often have you ever seen a fucking frozen river? First, frozen rivers are covered in piles of ice. Second: rivers aren’t flat, they flow downhill. Use a lake, dum-dums.

hahahaha get wrecked

I don’t know what this is called but I’m pretty sure it’s the cure for male loneliness