I'm sorry the guy changing the rules on the fly is named what

that new video from the guthrie family is harrowing it's all over but the crying

Wait, THIS is young Anton Chekhov? This? Good lord. Let that gun go off, daddy

Loot that drops after defeating me: - gardening shears, knives - numerous cans of Red Bull - one (1) marijuana - several pairs of sunglasses - tarot deck (Oops! All Moons)

They're gonna try to outlaw sex toys next week, mark my words

Repost with a photo of yours that would make a good album cover

Cold cold cold cold cold

🚨🌹ORDER YOUR VALENTINE'S DAY FLOWERS NOW🌹🚨 literally just call up any local shop & tell them what you want or ask 'em what they got. if they're rude call a competitor but choose a LOCAL shop w/a storefront pic on google reviews, not some lying-ass middleman like 1-800 or From You or Ava's!

Come feed the little birds. Show them you care, and you'll be glad if you do. Their young ones are hungry. Their nests are so bare. All it takes is tuppence from you.

I am concerned about the number of blacked out SUV's I've seen on the west side today

Genuinely wish there were someone I could talk to about this without having to actually talk about it I saw one video and one headline last night that have me so fucked up I counted Fibonacci numbers in the shower this morning to keep from thinking about them UGH

No new pictures, where are you mentally?

it's you-should-play-tetris bad tonight. online was a mistake.

neil gaiman picked a stellar week to pop his horrible little head out of his hole, everyone's already on the warpath about unrelated sex criminals and he's like "remember me? celebrity sex crime freelancer? I'M not in the files. i did it for the love of the game. buy my book!" not NOW neil gaiman!

the way spouse's eyes just about popped out of his head when I told him why bitcoin is tumbling WHEW i always felt like it was nonsense, but even i didn't guess that it was sex crime nonsense naive

If I survive the next 10 days of rose thorns, icy water, broken glass, and no days off, I'm going to reward myself with a bottle of perfume 🍰

A three-chord symphony crashes into space The moon is hanging upside down

who the FUCK knocked the the ENTIRE bird feeder off the window and into the yard?? me, it was me 😬

if you've never woken up in the middle of a crime scene, bully for you

Reno 911!

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"Who's this?" "Sam Smith." "Who's he?" "They're a singer, kind of croony." "What?" "They're a singer?" "Oh, so he's... a 'they'?" "...They are non-binary." [scoffs] "Oh lord." 🙄 Swear to god y'all I'm not gonna make it, this is my STORE MANAGER talking shit

no one can make your coworkers acknowledge your existence but none of these people better ask me for anything, ever

Boss: "Are you wearing that mark for prevention?" Me: "Yup!" also me: Did you not hear Betty* say that she's got a kid at home with covid?? How much more reason do you need?

Everywhere I've gone for the past 24 hours I've heard some version or sample of Where Is My Mind? and I find that concerning but also pretty cool

good morning I'd like to make myself the face of a decentralized movement today jfc this guy

Girls just want to have fun As long as there is whiskey in the world From the edge of the deep green sea The kkk took my baby away Journey to the end of the East Bay Borne on the fm waves of the heart Tonight and the rest of my life Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan

Really enjoyed this biopic. It hit familiar beats but didn't spoon-feed the audience every detail. Actually put my phone down to pay attention to the performances, which were so well executed. I continually felt moved to comfort all of the characters. Do recommend.

When downstairs neighbor and his buddy get too rowdy, all I have to do is moo "ENOUGH," and they settle right down That's what you call a truce

whomst among us

King: of all the authors i thought would be accused of sex crimes, i never suspected neil gaiman Poe: who did you suspect? King: well if i'm being honest King: i think i would have suspected Poe: piers Anthony King: yeah, piers Anthony Piers Anthony: [huffing a pair of panties] wut?

outsmarted my idiot self by taking off the pressure to get anything done today except maybe a little laundry. just relax so i watered all the plants, cleaned the space heater filter, made pitcher of tea, set up grocery order (with reputable store!) stupid brain only responds to reverse psychology

every day i get on the internet and see the worst thing i've ever seen in my life

Also, buildings shouldn't have fire alarms

[pouring the contents of my old bookshelves right into the sea]

She stood on my chest and yelled me awake this morning. Then she laid outside the door and yelled me out of bed. Then she yelled me into playing with her (throwing toys and shooting fat rubber bands for her to chase) Now she's just yelling

BREAKING: you need something wholesome to cut through the horrors this is Gerald. he started his channel last summer. he is passionate about gardening & growing particularly large vegetables. sometimes he feels a breeze & the sun on his face and just quietly takes a pause to appreciate it

Dad & I hunted down this very rare Blue Angel record when I was a kid bc I was obsessed w/Cyndi. He said I would inherit it. Instead, his evil widow liquidated his entire priceless vintage collection. Thought I'd never hear it again Found it on streaming tonight 😭 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_An...

Abolish ICE. There’s no reforming it. There’s no compromise. There’s only one way to rein in ICE’s terror campaign. Abolish it.

even my god damn cat won't let me pet her like what the fuck Is even the point

hey aldi human people need to eat. every day. you can't just push back grocery orders by days and days bc you're not staffing appropriately. human people who cannot go inside to pick out their items still need to eat. every day! and I'll see my PREPAY refund in like 2 weeks? y'all are a joke

ABSOLUTELY NOT PITCHFORKS OUT

he sounds like somebody's dad who's mad he can't stop his adult offspring from doing whatever they want "better shape up soon!" or what, you'll withhold my allowance? send masked goons to murder me? 🎶hey motherfucker, get laid, get fucked 🎶

They brought back peach red bull in time for Valentine's Day 😭

I witnessed a strange man photographing my truck this morning in traffic. It sounds worrying but it was just an old guy in an average car behind me at a light. I'm pretty sure he was just taking a picture of the art on my tailgate

who else up late bc The Horrors aren't compatible with sleep? what are we doing instead? me, ei'm doomscrolling The Horrors

juxtaposing the grammys with the streets of portland right now yikes distributing golden idols while the feds are gassing kids in the street i understand it's a whole industry. i just think it's a bad look. i don't expect anyone to do anything about it. that's how we roll here in occupied america

I like Jane Wickline