Grown man with huge beard on motor scooter should be a tarot card

I think - I think - “the pharoahs consumed so much of a psychoactive plant -let’s call it the Mediterranean coke tree - that it was extinct before people got in the habit of describing them in text” is a reasonable hypothesis

Hell yes my Bronze Age motherfuckers. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1522918/

Art Garfunkel is 6’5”

Still haven’t.

Just introduced to an incredibly powerful meme format for guys who are really good at crankin

Finally, tits on Bambi that match what I picture when I hear that name

Actually thinking about a Disney animator who had just started and during lunch he did an impression of Donald Duck having an orgasm and Walt's brother overheard him and fired him on the spot. His revenge is at hand!

Mickey Mouse with huge dripping hog

Thelonious y un gatete.

Already fed up w winter

Death by horny 70s rock playlist

I said YES

SKULL OF THOMAS AQUINAS: IT SEEMS THAT YOUR PARISHIONERS LIKE YOU PRIEST: I hope so— SKULL: FURTHER, THEY SAY YOU'RE THE BEST PRIEST EVER PRIEST: Oh, I see what you're doing. "On the contrary—" SKULL: ON THE CONTRARY PRIEST: Yep. SKULL: YOU ARE SO TRULY WEAKENED BY SIN

SKULL OF THOMAS AQUINAS: NO BUT SERIOUSLY YOU'RE ALL RIGHT PRIEST: SKULL: I KNOW I CAN BE A LOT SOMETIMES PRIEST: Thanks for acknowledging that. I try to be patient, but sometimes you really push my— SKULL: THE DISPOSITION OF HELL WILL BE SUCH AS TO BE ADAPTED TO THE UTMOST UNHAPPINESS OF THE DAMNED

pronouncing it joogle jemini

My two factor app just asked if I was enjoying myself

Warm enough for a bed night walk ayyyyy

If a character named “Wet Man” is your thing, stay til the end

None of us knew Carl weathers was doing an impression of every conservative 20 years from then youtu.be/n6-eVg3mbxY?...

Found an EXTREMELY annoying typo in a letter of rec I signed and submitted several months ago🥲

High marks. Made me wish I lived in New York for 2 minutes, a sensation I have not experienced for 12 years

Asked whether or not I expect healthcare delivery to be as refined and intimate as it is now in 25 years, I answered without thinking. “I’d bet on the Stone Age before that”

I hope that the morale of every ICE/CBP agent is in the toilet. I hope moments like this haunt them in the quiet breaths before sleep takes hold at night.

Do I want to spend every day and night tormented by wayward spirits and my ancestral burdens? Who are you?

Their healthcare plan is for me to pay out of pocket for the few newer drugs that are unfortunately the only regimen remotely doing their job*, slowly unravel financially as prices go up, then die young when those eventualities occur *with no reasonable expectation of a more cost effective plan

Shout out to @elsplice.bsky.social for the sweet abi (a black cat in a bright red Santa hat peaking out of the top of a jack o lantern that is drawn in black and white)

Anybody know how to get this weird film that condenses water off the inside of my windshield

It’s disgusting down here

it’d be funny if those little speakeasy bars all had bookies

Two nerve pinching insights into annoying behaviors 1 - I don’t hate the tasks I’m avoiding, I hate the way it feels to start. Which of course turns me into a perpetually about to start machine 2 - when I drilled down to a core belief around this, it shook out as “I’m unloved”

Found on the floor at work this morning

The beeping sound in this work room is making headway in the maximally tolerated chirp world

Pleased to report the funerary ziggurat is going great

Are we just not gonna talk about that berman yelp

This feels punitive

Just talked myself out of a frosty night stroll

“Now Grant shat with the best of them. But with Robert E Lee, there was an understanding. A tempo.”

It’s quite simple really - (Launches into a slightly more than boilerplate reduction of 2400 years of medical science into a nugget that is clearly an ideological destination, not the natural course of history)

"I'll burn down your house" - legally actionable, boring, common "I told the trees about you" - legally acceptable, foreboding, unsettling, the plants know your name and hate you

Apple TV is bugging out in a hilarious way

Santacon is short for Santa Panopticon

Protein shake flavor on sale tastes like Froot Loops milk - I have zero regrets

Using elf on the shelf to introduce my girlfriend’s kid to Foucault

On the grind

Wonder what the lo fi girl is up to

Shelby Foote-assed tweet

the elves aren’t even mad at themselves for how bad they goof when it comes to sauron

Do people outside of North America know about steely dan