Name your junk after the last Ruben Östlund movie you saw. Mine is Force Majeure; my wife's is Triangle of Sadness.

No one wants to invest in my hamburger corporation.

Looks like @flanneloccluded.bsky.social dropped the ball.

I'm so glad Joanna Newsom saved that baby from the zombie cop!

I tried and failed to take some pictures of swallows flying over a pond, but I noticed that one of the photos looked a little like a Monet, so just I cropped out the bird, which was blurry and in the corner. Also, I've started adding hashtags to these posts, and I may keep doing so.

"Um, actually they're called drivers" (an annoying thing I'm planning to say the next time my wife says "autopilot")

My favorite late-nineteenth-century president is Maytheforth B. Withew.

"My dog has no nose, and he smells"—vaudevillian Harlan Ellison

A real skeleton is bonified.

I like how Luanne and Buckley are completely different styles of stupid. Also, compared to Buckley, Luanne is a genius.

When me and my son see a squirrel striking this pose, we always say "Unto me?!" Because that's what the squirrel's saying.

I just saw the Brutalist, and my main complaint is that they skipped the period where he was writing all those letters to Nixon and McDonald's. Seriously, they really decided to call him László Tóth?

Why is it called coughing cognac and not Phlegmy Martin?

“Stay puffed, marshmallow man”—weird way to say goodbye

Gross.

Grandma Ftarkin

Saturday Evening Post implies the existence of Saturday Morning Pre

Humphrey Dumfries sat on a wall.

Utilities, 168th Street

I've started calling my mother-in-law's dog "Website." My wife hates it.

Clouds over the Bronx

What if Ansel Adams was in Operation Ivy? Then that song would have been called "Zone System."

Imagine Michael McDonald singing the background vocals to “Kiss Off.”

Why is it called clam strips and not frites de mer?

Phytoplankton or flightoplankton

April the fifth be with you.

I have questions for MrBeast.

Not to brag, but my wife talked to Julio Torres today.

This is a good response to someone complaining about technical difficulties with their phone.

Dinosaurs: terrible as lizards, but docile as fossils

I went to Maiç, the hip tortilla place that’s a spinoff of Joseph’s Restaurant, and they seated me with a group of young women who introduced themselves as Pademy, Leapy, Ummison, and “Ummison with a G,” meaning Gummison. This was so weird that it woke me up.

I just realized Kurt Cobain is a pun on Burt Cocaine.

Here’s something I don’t think I’ve said before: Robert the Bruce Chris Steakhouse.

Why is it called “that part of ‘Buffalo Soldier’ that goes ‘Woe yoy yoy’” and not “Banana Spliffs”?

My father's dementia is progressing rapidly, but yesterday he said "Fleetwood Mac and cheese," so he's still got it.

I like how this turned out. I might do a series of these and refine my technique.

Your 1996 Portland band name is Screamin’ Jay Edgar Hoover.

I see my mother heard the news about Banksy.

I wonder if the fifth Beatle is actually Liverpool.

It occurred to me you almost never see black-and-white photos of birds, so now I feel obligated to take some.

It’s pretty cool that there are pictures of Ben Franklin, though

A sneeze attack dog is called a snotweiler.

“Pooh?” said Piglet. “Remember when you got so high you thought you could fool bees into thinking you were a cloud?” “No,” said Pooh, after a pause.

Try calling a dog Fuzzy Tony challenge

What's a fact that sounds made up because it is? Like Fergie wrote an honor's thesis on string theory, or earthworms migrate over a thousand miles each year.

I saw at least five garter snakes in a pile two days ago.