Playing in my head now: Nina Simone covering AC Newman’s “35 in the Shade”

I’ve been reading photography tutorials, and they boil down to this: 1. Keep your ISO below 800 to avoid noise. 2. Use a fast shutter speed to prevent motion blur, at least 1/1000. 3. Your lens’s sharpest aperture is around F/8; keep it there. 4. DO NOT UNDEREXPOSE!!

My latest release has only been streaming for a few days, and already someone has given it the following review: "pissgarbage"

Midtown

My wife just said “DNA: ducks ‘n’ ass.”

You’re telling me a “dobie” photoshopped this?

Why is it called public domain and not IP freely?

Helvetica voice: Dido& Aeneas& Romeo& Juliet& Randy& Lahey

I’ve got a joke ready for if Sacha Baron Cohen is charged with public intoxication. It’s “Borat-cho.”

Art deco detail

Who by circumstance Who by flatulence Who by mantis shrimp Who by Goodyear Blimp (Leonard Cohen first drafts)

The caesar salad was invented by Caesar Salad.

Ruin a mustard by saying it without the last syllable: Grey Poop

Imagine Migos covering the “I spit on your spit” song from Mr. Show

I think it's a sign.

Hummingfriend

I’m going to start calling people “bean brain.”

Bunnyfriend

Why do I post dumb jokes? Because it makes me smile that in these dark times, I made someone alive and/or roll their eyes every day. Fine that spark of joy each day before the darkness consumes us all.

If you put a guitar string in your mouth so you can’t talk, that’s called cat gut your tongue

A good slogan for drowning would be “Spend the rest of your life underwater!”

Say hello to my lil frend.

George EOR Mani. Sorry if this offends.

What’s up and has two thumbs? The sky (this guy)!

I would love to ask Pat Benatar if, by extension, a battlefield is like a tidal wave.

If Ron Popeil was from Brooklyn, the slogan for the Ronco Rotisserie would be "You just set about it and forget about it!"

The fabled Bee Gees and George Harrison collab “How Sweet Is Your Lord?”

NEUSPAP FR TODE [Newspaper for Today?]

Johnny Johnny Range Rover Johnny Johnny Jeep!

Irish names that don’t sound Irish: Cusack, Costello… what else?

Froggy friend

Why are they called Kathmandu cactus pads and not Nepalese nopales?

Imagine being known as “Denver Douglas.” Especially if you aren’t from Denver.

Kellogg’s Cracklin’ Oat Bran I know, I know, it’s cereal

Flight delayed nine hours so far and almost certainly more, but this airport has cool sunsets.

Latin egg: ova. Easy.

The circle of life. The cycle of lurf.

“Don’t call it a tugboat”—Ladies Love Cool Jachts This was something I dreamt last night.

Is this a Big Thief album?

All aboard the locomotive train! Next stop, Railroad City

Gehry/Prairie

Mickey’s spouse? Minnie Mouse. Mickey Mouse? Minnie’s spouse.

The sweetest taboo? You mean candy right before dinner?

So “You Oughta Know” is about Dave Coulier, and “Save Me” is about Dave Foley. What else? “Criminal” is about Chris Elliott? “Mother Mother” is about Ed O’Neill?

How did I not learn this Taviest fact in the universe from @tavie.bsky.social?

Trying to rebrand lunch as Day Dinner #daydinner #yummerz

TMNT theme song lyrics: Dustin David Hasselhoffman

A single man with bad handwriting is an illegible bachelor.