Been thinking about this Tweet a lot lately...

and Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White and Gandalf the Blue and Gandalf the Green and Gandalf the Yellow and Gandalf the Red and Gandalf the Chartreuse and Gandalf the Black and Gandalf the Purple and Gandalf the Pearlescent and Gandalf the Brown and Gandalf the Olive and Gandalf the Tan and

I kinda want to stream again I dunno tho

just watched a pot boil to prove the haters wrong

The President of the United States is demented, perverted, incompetent, and a threat to democracy.

my wife: are you playing Autism Simulator? me, holding a Rock Band guitar: sure man

Jesus would use his turn signal

Burritoposting like it's 2001 oh fuck they hit the pentagon

Historian of abolition here, history tells us how we got here, to put it succinctly “John Brown was hanged for treason and Robert E. Lee was not.”

happy mother's day to parents who actively try to not fuck their kids up, y'all are real ones

just made Stagnant Dude Soup (had an Epsom soak)

"Pornk: it's when you film yourself fucking a ham." -me to my wife, unprompted

she lynd on my johnson til i embroil the united states deeper and deeper in the inexorable quagmire of vietnam

reel big fih

me to myself in every social situation: just play it cool *immediately chokes on saliva and starts coughing uncontrollably*

mr president a second bowl of pasta has hit the tummy

Breaking news: long Island ice tea are better with dr Peter

Be honest chat How hard does my fit go?

I love you pot of coffee at noon, save me pot of coffee at noon

DANHAUSEN AND KASANE TETO ARE DATING IN MY TOMODACHI LIFE, LOVE WINS LET'S GOOOO

Question for musicians: what chord progression would you use to overcome exponentially increasing feelings of dread, self-loathing, and insignificance? Thanks in advance

It’s the Playoffs. Let Gritty have a gun.

Computer, play the Gameboy Advance startup jingle at max volume please

Peggy! The whole neighborhood can hear ya cussin'

My body is a machine that turns "my body is a machine" jokes into jokes that are just barely funny

Call me Larry the Cable Guy the way that everything I do is a bit and also I'm from Nebraska

“My tits are up here,” I say, pointing to my birdcage .

opened the bathroom door after a shower without realizing the windows were open, I'll never lose accidental naked window neighbor status

Pokemon Champions :)

wololo

The center of the venn diagram of ska fans and neurodivergent folks is gonna go crazy if I finish this

how I be looking at the trans homies today

Please, Mr. Stank was my father; call me Hooba

Hell yeah

We're in South Carolina and I saw a sign for their state department of transportation and said "Hey all, SCDOT here!" and laughed really hard

Today I'm on a construction site for one of the most profitable companies on earth, why the hell do they have half-ply tissue paper instead of regular human tp in the porta johns?!

driving in my

woke up with my butt cheeks out, I'm sleep-mooning people I guess

I made tacos for dinner If you had corned beef and cabbage hope you’re enjoying it and I’m totally not jealous!! (I am jealous, please enjoy it for me)

You Suffer (Taylor's version)

yummers

Happy Harmonic Convergence Day to all who celebrate! Which should, nay, MUST be everybody.

straight from the source I mean saauce

mfs keep talking out of their ass, give em a Gas-X