Totally wild that Jesse Eisenberg said no to the Zuckerberg sequel but signed up for a third Now You See Me film.

How soon before she turns that puppy out? www.usatoday.com/story/news/p...

And another one! Please check out my (really short) humor piece! www.chortle.blog/p/08678807-2...

Just came back from the dentist. We're going to keep an eye on number 14.

Hey there! I have a HUMOR piece up on Belladonna. Please check it out!

Today we’re learning How to Survive space missions and Madonna auditions with @dennishensley.bsky.social ! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/h...

Please be aware that the 2025 Hyundai Ioniq 5 could kill you. New post from @daniellebkoenig.bsky.social!

My latest humor piece is up on Chortle! Please check it out. www.chortle.blog/p/hyundai-sa...

@lyndacarter.bsky.social just a regular day in kindergarten in my Wonder Woman bathing suit.

He threw a Great Gatsby party. Is he smart enough to know what he's doing?

Come and knock on my grave…

Today we’re learning How to Survive Rumors & Tumors within Kevin Avery!

Trying my best to wish Karoline Leavitt into the cornfield.

Today we’re learning How to Survive burning mouths and hot dogs with @dancronin24.bsky.social!

According to this article, she's still wearing hats!

My ballet teacher used to smoke during class and I'd still take that timeline over this one.

Today we’re learning How to Survive salmonella with Mike Henry!

@cristela.bsky.social, just heard you on @nicollewallace.bsky.social! You were so eloquent, and of course funny!

It’s October, you know what means: the $14 residual checks from my stint as “whispering girl” in The Craft are going to start rolling in!

You guys didn't protect Jane Goodall at all costs and it shows!

The country is crumbling... but you can escape it for a while by watching my nonsense in the cities below! Last road dates until 2026! Oliver G Pardo opens in Burbank! Tix links at jimmypardo.com

Today we’re learning How to Survive being left at the altar and getting married in another country with Marta Mendez Cross!

Laughed out loud. I hope they do more of these.

61 Years Ago Today:

We have the best listeners!

Hey there! It's time for a new #NNF! This week @howtosurvive.bsky.social’s own @daniellebkoenig.bsky.social joins us! Listen everywhere! Get a 2nd exclusive episode, video, livestreams (Monday!), game nights, bonuses, terrific perks, and more with #NNFPlatinum! NeverNotFunny.com!

Just finished reading Trump’s how-to manual.

I WTF it up on @marcmaron.bsky.social show tomorrow!!

Today we’re learning How to Survive a strip search with Kathy Egan-Taylor!

Totally Plausible “Secrets” Shared by Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein open.substack.com/pub/chortleb... My latest humor piece on Chortle! Please to enjoy.

This just in: Advil causes you to get your brother hooked on heroin and to repeatedly cheat on your wife!

We don’t have Disney so I can’t cancel it, but I will kick the Hollywood Blvd. Mickey Mouse in the nuts next time I see him.

Sure you guys with grandparents from Ireland or Japan or Portugal might be keen on getting dual citizenship but frankly, I don’t see myself living in Lithuania.

So the Fox News model.

Today we’re learning How to Survive performance anxiety and performing on a cruise ship with @chriswitaske!

Pour some out for Robert Redford today.

I have a new humor piece up on Chortle. Please check it out!

I have a new HUMOR piece out today. Please check it out!

Is Duo MAGA?

But October is Touch the Third Rail Month

Why doesn't Dumbfuck just admit it's his drawing and say their "wonderful secret" was their shared love of Snackwells?

Today we’re putting up our dukes as we learn How to Survive martial law and martial arts with Cristina Fernandez!

This is some Swee’Pea shit right here m.youtube.com/shorts/dNK-p...

Ate a big meal last night and I'm still feeling "security heavy".

Today it’s bears, bears, bears with @emilybarthisler.bsky.social! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/h...

I have a new humor piece up on Chortle. Please take a look!

Ghislane Maxwell is the Eddie Haskell of child sex traffickers.

I’m now officially an empty-nester What I’m saying is, they better make more episodes of Trainwreck.

This week we’re learning How to Survive the first day of preschool and first jobs with college boy Oliver Pardo! podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/h...