that's how you blow a PK baby

We’re gonna be here all night lol

the year is 2030. Spain, Portugal and Morocco are hosting the world cup. 46 teams are in attendance. Meanwhile in Vancouver, BC, in the fourth year of the penalty shootout between Colombia and Switzerland, the score is 0-0

I love it when the announcers are excited about a “big man”

there is a cohort of men who resent the responsibilities and obligations of adulthood — of the fact that you owe things to other people. it is a fundamentally childish impulse that they have reconfigured as the height of masculinity, and i think it informs the parasocial attraction to platner.

Kinda love not caring who wins this match. My heart needs a break after last night

WELP

I had to put off my work out so I could watch this game! I have exactly 2 hours to change, do 30 minutes each lifting, running, and yoga, and take a shower before the next game. We CANNOT go to extra time!

YES!! I love a good fuck you goal!

That was bullshit

We need a review of VAR after this tournament. For realz

Pretty pleased that I’ve blocked enough of the blue no matter who crowd that I only saw a few people defending Platner over the last few months because people I follow were fighting with them. Y’all are good eggs. And I’m so glad I never got on Threads.

I know a lot of you aren't going to want to hear this, but it's time to root for France.

Zlatan said the realest thing of the whole tournament. The youth of the US have to be given spaces to foster love of the game and the natural skill to go with it. Academies and clubs matter but the simple futsal and street games will develop a generation.

Do we really need a men's team? Can't we just leave this to the women?

So sad about the footie I decided I’d put on some Bake Off reruns for comfort tv. It’s not Paul’s fault Harry Kane is really good at… oh fuck me

Welp

Yup. My favorite thing about World Cup is its not the talent you buy, it’s the talent you nurture. We don’t nurture.

Always a better experience

As much as I would love a comeback here, we don’t deserve it

I'm gonna die I'm just gonna lie down and die

Clowns would be offended by the comparison.

This is embarrassing

US not doing great, but I had an awesome workout this morning and I credit World Cup with some inspo. If Messi can still do it at this age, I can too. Got a record for calories burned with my run and again with yoga! 🧘‍♀️🏋️‍♀️ #fitnesssky

We’ve got 3 guys actually playing this game and 8 going for a fucking jog

EQUALIZER!!!

ZUT ALORS, FUCKOS

WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK

“And that takes us to our first-half hydration break”

Well that’s a shit start. Do the defenders know what their job is? Hint: it’s not standing around holding their dicks!

Ok no more talk about the bad Maine man. It’s footie time!!

Honestly someone needs to make a Platner Defender labeler. The pundits who continued to defend him after the tattoo and the Reddit Posts and the domestic abuse don’t get to say “we didn’t know” when now actual rape allegations have been made.

*watching Spain-Portugal and a breaking story on this app* well I think rapists should lose things they’re trying to win

Pack your hair gel and go, Rapey McFutbol

The only exception is the ones who come out knowing that the military as it exists must be dismantled.

I really hope we win tonight. Getting taken out by this Spanish team will be an honor.

Fucking GOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!!

I cannot get stressed about this game. I must save up my stress for tonight. I cannot get stressed about this game. ::breathes into brown paper bag::

These goalies are both insanely good. I don’t see how anyone can score here. But if someone does, please don’t let it be Ronaldo. I need bad things to happen to him.

I complain about this a lot, but people get fucking weird about food posts. I’ve had people yell at me for bragging that I can cook, calling me ableist for cooking, using expensive ingredients, cooking things that, they, a stranger, do not enjoy, eating meat, the color of my dishes… it’s insane.

Stop running this for us! Get a job! Leave her alone!

House of the Dragon knows writers who use subtext, and they're all cowards. After this past weekend of actual reality, how can you possibly blame them? My review of Season 3's third very strong entry in a row

That was fucking stressful. Let’s calm down with some incredibly bleak dragon wars!

Our food is still better and nothing can ever take that away.

Heartbreaking. But they fought for it. No shame tonight.

I must insist we all get to enjoy extra time