Apparently your father wanted 100+ little girls killed, so fuck him and fuck you too.

Exactly this. 🎯

If Ai destroys the world because we wrote stories about it, we will at least have the funniest possible apocalypse. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/sci-fi PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

🧵A niche thing I study that shouldn’t be niche-y is that anhydrous ammonia to fertilize US row crops (eg corn) is made from natural gas via a dumb chemical process invented in WW1. And now that fertilizer stuck in the Straight of Hormuz and planting season is nigh. www.nytimes.com/2026/03/12/b...

I keep seeing people ask about the 25th Amendment. Guys. His entire Cabinet is walking around in shoes that don’t fit because they’re scared to take them off. The 25th is never happening.

Really, did we “lose” jobs, as in “misplace” them, like car keys or reading glasses? And for whom was this unexpected? Let’s get real. The jobs were not “lost,” and it is not as much of a shocker as legacy outlets made it out to be. open.substack.com/pub/contrari...

Literally

I fuckin knew it. Zombie apocalypse 2026. At least they don't have legs, so they're not the fast zombies.

We don’t need talkers right now. We need fighters. And no matter how many times they knock me down, I’ll get back up and fight with you. Every. Single. Time.

Was reminded of this comedy bit today. youtu.be/IKICKcMU3MU?...

SHOULD THE U.S BLOT OUT THE SUN AND USHER IN AN AGE OF ETERNAL DARKNESS? - Gallup 2/20/26-3/5/26 NO - 41% YES - 38% UNSURE - 21%

Make it stick and get these banned at your favorite local business and other public access spaces using some of our tools. You can find those here: www.fightforthefuture.org/actions/glas...

In November I will expect Democrats to call for this dangerous motherfucker's unconditional surrender.

I have neopets old enough to legally buy alcohol or rent a car.

specific guys aside—it is politically and morally bankrupt to be told we must seriously consider how many is too many pieces of nazi flair

The Apprentice : World Government edition

The Legendary Exodia Incarnate with googly eyes

I tell people that if the government is covering up the existence of aliens, NASA is absolutely not involved, because astrobiologists can't keep a secret to save their lives

When we talk about Baby Boomers not getting off the stage: In 1997, the US president was born in 1946. In 2007, the US president was born in 1946. In 2017, the US president was born in 1946. And next year in 2027? The US president will have been born in 1946.

trump must testify⚖️🔥🗽⚖️

Vampires have been feeding on him. Probably Stephan Miller.

Always remember this gem from the legend

Trump is trying to sue himself (the government) for $10 billion dollars. What in the fuck is this?!

We killed 85 schoolgirls. We are not the good guys.

Many of y’all asked how you can support and donate to our female athletes and the celebrations,,, so I created a Go Fund Me. I’m hopeful this can have an impact beyond the weekend and help those that represent the best of the US gofund.me/140322128

Except if everyone starts buying the less expensive cuts, then the supply doesn't meet the demand and the prices go up. Making the less desirable cuts more expensive for everyone.

Few people even talk about Cookie Monster's cousin Muffin Asshole.

God Admits He No Longer Loves Humanity But Is Too Afraid To Leave https://theonion.com/god-admits-he-no-longer-loves-humanity-but-is-too-afraid-to-leave/

This Weeks Editorial Cartoon: Amazing Graze

This is not an accident. An accident would be "Oops, I pushed the activation button and it just happened to hit a drone." This was a reckless and intentional misuse of military equipment on an apparently unidentified target.

Don't just read the Onion. Peel it back with your fingers and cry laughing.

The President has a far more demanding and dangerous job than a truck driver or a railway operator.

THERE’S POWER IN BOYCOTTING!

They erased the Slocum Massacre from the textbooks. I’m putting it back in the story They buried the bloodshed in Slocum, Texas and hoped we’d stay silent. ERASED isn’t a book—it’s a weapon. Read it before they ban it. Share it before they silence it. Get your copy now: stan.store/gxldsociety/...

If wannabe Nazis now confidently roam the halls of power—and the streets of American cities—it is because Republican leaders have made them feel at home. www.theatlantic.com/magazine/202...

And as far as I can tell, we're doing nothing about the current Epstein's.

Last one of a celeb I took personally. Wayne Coyne of the Flaming Lips! This therapy is gonna get weird but be super healing.

Iran Worried U.S. Might Be Building 8,500th Nuclear Weapon https://theonion.com/iran-worried-u-s-might-be-building-8-500th-nuclear-wea-1819573283/

I have been saying this for almost a year and it is long past due for Dems to adopt this framing for 2 reasons: 1) it is entirely and demonstrably true. 2) the public must be prepared for the enormity of what will be required to dismantle the criminal organization and create a better democracy.

🔥 WATCH: “I feel much safer with undocumented immigrants than I EVER will with ICE agents!!!” Sheriff deputies descend on a WILSON COUNTY man as he spouts some hard truths in opposition to a rumored ICE detention center (which they have now backed off of)

This is my religion. ☮️

Shamelessly giving away the game. This whole, with a w, regime needs impeachment and trials.