I push this joke out into the Internet knowing full well that SOMEONE has surely beat me to it. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/mad-2 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Of course you don't need AI. You can just crunch the numbers in excel. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/hop PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

They quietly cruise into a carwash and try to put his body in the trash. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/splat PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

We could build this NOW. The future of damaging children is HERE. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/where-3 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

The anti-Susan pamphleteering outside the house is also a difficulty their marriage has to work through. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/effigy PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Anyone complaining about the math just needs bigger or smaller pasta. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/aspect PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

It's called planned obsolescence! COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/life-9 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

There is a galley giveaway of SAWYER LEE AND THE QUEST TO JUST STAY HOME going on right now! bit.ly/3KnbspK

Skeletor calls for aid! COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/tolkie... PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

By contrast, everyone always trusted the wolf that cried human. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/wolf-4 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Turkin hard or hardly turkin? COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/turkin PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Still better than the crap-moons of Mars. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/poetry-3 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Poor guy's immortal again. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/real-5 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

We just have to get locked into the Federation and then we can run back to the basement. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/all-2 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Later, as a matter of principle, they have a 1 to 1 sex to children ratio. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/capita... PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

The fantasy of reacting to reactions to cultural ephemera grows more vivid every night until he can bear it no longer. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/dunno-2 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

The worst part is that there's always one guy among the flock who can't stop also replying all. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/steinb... PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

The Perks of Being A Hundred Wallflowers is about a teenager with the superpower to turn into an army of shy people. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/hundred PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

The only down side is that in the bio pic there's a 45 minute musical montage as he prepares to battle the aliens. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/on-the... PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Sometimes I do a comic just to confirm that I am not in any way optimizing for social media algorithms. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/sim-3 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

I know you're out there somewhere, disgruntled Disney animator. This is your moment. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/daisy PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Later they catch him ineptly trying to flood bad kids at a park. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/out-2 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

I had a note to myself for about year about someone insisting gender is constructed with lasers, and then suddenly here we were. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/constr... PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

More parsimonious is that you're just a brain in a sous vide. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/vat PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

The wolf watches from the edge of the clearing, wondering why humans can't ever just kill someone. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/red-3 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

I like to think when healthcare economists are mad they should, I'LL ADJUST THE QUALITY OF *YOUR* LIFE-YEARS! COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/quality PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

You are the balut of love, my dear. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/fine-2 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

The good news is they're also telling the aliens to do something about the dolphins. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/life-8 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

We all know a kid that would do this. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/last PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Please do not do this, and if you do, send pictures. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/scar PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Apparently this used to actually happen, according to the book "The Lore and Language of Schoolchildren", which Tomer Ullman recommended to me. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/santa-2 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

The important thing is that net happiness goes up. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/blame PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

And don't even THINK about inheriting grandpa's skull collection! COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/sword-2 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

I really regret all that stuff I did to the antagonist now. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/protag... PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

There's got to be SOME hypothesis that makes our experiment useless. THINK! COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/stats-3 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Do what I want, not what I said. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/panic PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

The worst part of selfless robotic servants is going to be how happy they are. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/consci... PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

SMBC is a daily ongoing webcomic about science, people, the universe, and the weird stuff they generate. ◆ Sawyer Lee and the Quest to Just Stay Home◆ tinyurl.com/2b6auw3d ◆ COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com ◆ PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/c/ZachWeiner... ◆ STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

This isn't the only high risk high reward pickup line, but it is the one that involves the most tentacles. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/convex... PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Anyone claiming this comic has any actual perspective will be accused of being in league with JSquatch. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/conspi... PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Are 23 eggs not an oeuf for you? (Pun brought to you by Patreon comments) COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/perfor... PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

You ever notice how weird it is that an immortal bothers to kill a bunch of people instead of just waiting 100 years? COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/prayer-6 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Of all the AI concerns, the one about wanting to replace management with algorithms is the most monkeys-paw-ish. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/boss PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

How're you gonna get your girlfriend pregnant with a BEHAVIORAL addiction, man? COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/addict... PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

After generations of family adventures, Sawyer Lee is determined to sink in the couch! The problem is that it will take a regrettable amount of energy for him to escape the mysteries, conspiracies, and gourd-based festivities the whole town throws his way. us.macmillan.com/books/978037...

Fortunately, it turns out that all along he has been a placebo husband. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/what PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

This is more easily executable with a three-wish genie, but it's good to be prepared for all circumstances. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/fish-3 PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

The statue of Bayes also cries, but we can't ever be perfectly sure. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/miracle PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Or maybe the corpses were a feint and the original Frenchmen are still waiting to strike. COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/french... PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com

Subscribe! COMIC ◆ www.smbc-comics.com/comic/attent... PATREON ◆ www.patreon.com/ZachWeinersm... STORE ◆ smbc-store.myshopify.com