Tfw you are ready to tend to your farm/land because breathing in wildfire smoke is all mental

If I was in congress I would propose a bill where the sun is up for both the morning and the evening all year in the US. Problem solved

Enough of these shitty dads throwing derby pitches to their sons. Let's have the fans vote on who throws. Shohei Ohtani, welcome back, guess what, you're taking swings off of Lars from Metallica

If twitter was like it was 10 years ago I'd tweet at AT&T and say "Ted from the commercials just showed up to my nephew's baptism to tell us we can use our AT&T phones to share our photos, no one here has even met him before"

logging on to youtube

Mom just texted me to tell me she replied to my email

i am at the courtney barnett show in philly, and there is a guy here who looks like sean mcdermott

got a "go sixers" from the other guy buying fungal cream at CVS!

If The Onion is giving Infowars to Tim Heidecker then it's only fair that Gregg Turkington gets AV Club

just saw an advertisement on youtube for a guy called "Dr. Josh Ass"

UCLA's extra jersey is 26 in honor of Chase Utley, no wonder they are going to win the title

Simply one of the most chaotic starts to an individual's Wikipedia page you can find

trea turner prison

banned from the local karaoke night after doing the song from that turbotax commercial

Mueller’s FBI persecuted Muslims nationwide. He was responsible for one of the most egregious, systemic violations of civil rights in the history of the FBI, which is saying a whole lot. This was Mueller’s FBI:

Laker Fans Furious As Bam Adebayo Dies In Even Worse Helicopter Crash

Today is a great reminder that we can never be too ready.

if you are talking today about how bad maduro was and were alive, at all, during the run-up to the iraq war you are potentially the dumbest person to ever live

The number of people who acknowledge the horrible US history of regime change in other countries ... and also don't have the object permanence to realize this is yet another example is staggering. There is nothing just about what the US is doing in Venezuela

gathering the family around to listen to our favorite christmas song: "Our Values Are Under Attack" by Tim Heidecker

got a ticket in the mail from the PPA for parking in a loading zone a couple of weeks ago, even though kurt vile already told everyone it was ok

checking in on Bryce Harper

writing a song about the time i saw a guy who looked like brandon ingram at a chick-fil-a

Gonna buy a range rover on account of this commercial where some guy shows that you can drive it around a rich lady's castle

It seems like the news is happening more and more lately

The NFL is like a parody of parity this year, every team sucks

Dick Cheney worked his way up from congressman, to White House chief of staff, to secretary of defense, before being elected vice president of the United Sta-

zach braff is holding me hostage until i switch to t-mobile home internet. he broke into my house and has handcuffed me to the fridge. he says he would have brought donald faison but he is out of town for a wedding

I didn't grow up with grandparents, so I missed out on the experience of having them repeatedly tell me in an uncanny manner that I'm eligible for USAA insurance coverage

James Franklin is doing this personally to attack all Penn State graduates

Was late to a meeting this morning because I was complaining to HR about the Phillies farm system failing to develop hitters

I think I am going to have a heart attack, that Orion play just broke my brain in two

at the dentist this morning and rick reilly is outside the window staring at me in the chair. it is unclear if anyone who works here can see him

dad trying to get out of an above-ground pool with no ladder

it's so insane. from cnn's reporting - every single event on this is a right-wing attacker. every single one. and there's no guarantee this guy was a lefty, either. could be! but so far not really a reasonable assumption!

Trash can in the kitchen at work smells like someone poured an entire bottle of tequila in it, and no one knows how it got that way. Solving this mystery is now our number one goal for the day

Need to get Alvarado back on the juice

Walton Goggins got his teeth knocked out by a baseball as a child, and every celebrity who gets veneers is stealing valor from him

I was in a sports bar yesterday and Radiohead's "Everything in Its Right Place" started playing. I always assumed it would be way too out of place in a setting like that, and I was absolutely correct

That "Americans can't stop being American!" commercial that Ram is running is like the most tone deaf car commercial I have ever heard. It's like a parody of a commercial from 2005

Big day at the office, gonna lock in and read all 228 pages of the Laura Loomer deposition

Recession indicator: Chinese restaurants in America have mostly given up on including fortune cookies with delivery orders

Netflix had no choice but to bring Kirk Cousins back for another season of Quarterback, what with all that personality (in the first ep he wears a hat with a psalm on it and repeatedly talks about how he loves Great Clips)

This is correct. Any candidate cynically “triangulating” on trans kids is a non-starter, and now is the time to say so. There’s still so much time to advance candidates that DON’T suck.

If I were that kid, I'd brag about that for life. I'd bring it up all the time.

I witnessed Gus the second most famous groundhog in Pennsylvania drunk drive through a harvest festival in Berks County in 2014

Patently absurd that the Democrats spent most of last week going after Zohran Mamdani instead of focusing on rallying against the bill

The Ainge's are speed running the Colangelo experience in Utah