Ugh. I really should have showered tonight, but it's such a goddamn pain so I keep putting it off. TBF, no one really seems to care; I don't stink. I just don't look my best, but who at work is caring about how hot I look anyway?

TIL.

In case you, like me, didn't know where Shelly MN is, it's about 45 minutes north of Moorhead, in the Climax school district. Sometimes life works out exactly the way it should.

Earliest known mudflap found

"I have cryogenically frozen my penis and filed it down to a fleshy icicle to replace any feminine roundness on my body with a masculine point."

Any chance honeybees love dandelions? Asking for my yard's reputation. (Seriously, Nephew#1 just mowed on Sunday, and today they're everywhere.)

What if when Monday walks in tomorrow, we all just pretend we don't see it.

Not my favorite, but also my favorite:

FWP: My Apple Watch tells me it needs charging before bed, but not early enough that it can be finished charging by my bedtime, which the Watch also knows.

No better way to start off the workday than your plant manager headed down the hall muttering “shit… shit…”

Watching "Cougartown", as I was told it got away from the obvious theme early (correct AFAICT). Courtney Cox is talking w/ her son abt stuff she did in HS. Cut to pix of her dancing w/ Springsteen. WELL-PLAYED.

Sunset if I don't know them, or if I do, if they haven't made previous contact letting me know they're coming over. As long as the porch light is on, if I know them and I know they're coming over. Family knows the doorbell doesn't work. For them, ten pm unannounced (they text if later).

If the mark of a good Reuben is that there’s no dignified way to eat it (and I could argue that’s true), this was the second-best Reuben I’ve ever had.

Now I’m back in hotel waiting for a t-storm. A/C down to 65, my shirt off, it’s still hot in here. Wanna take my socks off but that feels sketch even in a nice place like this. Might go the bed side of this mini suite, closer to AC. Once I’m on the bed I can lounge sockless. Or maybe full nekkid.

Bad news, they’ve canceled tonight’s performance due to storm and flood concerns. So I guess I’m going to the matinee tomorrow…

Great lunch with almost-24yo, then he took me to his fav bookstore, now he put gas in my car and air in my tire. I miss having this one around.

I’m in downtown Madison, across the street from the capitol, and something smells of skunk.

I missed this from @phineas.bsky.social when it originally came out but it sure feels relevant at the moment. Also, you can buy this as a print from the artist here: www.inprnt.com/gallery/phin...

"bah ram ewe"

Made crab salad for tomorrow's Easter dinner w/ fam, and I cannot stop eating it. Haven't made it in years; I had forgotten how good it is, if I do say so myself.

It also doesn't specify whether the bottle was strapped into the car seat. We need MOAR DETAILS, people!

The word "movie" stems from "moovie", as films were originally invented to distract cows while being milked. This did not last long, as cows fell over laughing due to Charlie Chaplin's humorous antics, tragically crushing multiple farmers.

Solo: DFW to MSP then another 80 miles home, when I missed my plane home the first time I met the Schmoop. Under 24 hours, but I did sleep for 5 or 6 in KS. Solo driver, but with kids: round trip from home to FtW, over the course of a week.

Good forearms and hands are no small part of why bassists and line cooks are sexy despite their irresponsible lifestyles and often questionable body odor.

If you (generic white person, usually) think your "economic security" is more important than someone else's human rights, that's still racist (or transphobic or whatever). HUMAN RIGHTS MATTER MORE THAN MONEY. Yes, even if it costs you a few bucks. If you care more about $ than humans, you're an ass.

When people are used to being criticized you have to specify that you want them to do/not do a thing because you love them and don't want them to get hurt, not because you think they'll fuck it up. Took me a long time to understand that some couldn't hear the love part, had to learn to be explicit.

“The Special Envoy for the Shield of the Americas” sounds like a title April Ludgate would bestow on you at a Pawnee town meeting just to get you out of her hair.

Yep. I said this morning "They're trying to force Armageddon, aren't they?" My atheist Schmoop agreed. The True Believers are into it b/c they think they'll be taken up to Heaven and away from any fallout, and the others are just milking it for the profit b/c whoever dies with the most toys wins.

L7, Sinead, and Nirvana Unplugged. In that order.

This is the foreign policy equivalent of intentionally standing in front of someone’s car so you have an excuse to shoot them and say you were in danger.

[P] Future lead story on America Rah Rah Patriot Eagle News (formerly CNN): President Barron Trump Announces All His Joint Chiefs—All of Whom Are University of Austin Class of 2032 Graduates—Have Died of Polio Contracted from Sharing Same Tube of Ivermectin

It’s never been about protecting women’s sports.

Took today off for no reason, just have a lot of PTO to burn and I don't go anywhere anymore, and also there's not much to do at work. So I'm sitting here watching Netflix and feeling guilty that I'm not being productive, even tho there's nothing I need to do. #lazy #luxury #MaybeIShouldDayDrink

I don’t have to be up until 8, so OF COURSE I woke up at 5:45.

I don't have to be up until 8 am (eye DR appt at 9:15) so I want to hang out tonight, but I'm getting tired already at 10:49. Dammit, the universe owes me the ability to be awake until midnight.

LOL, I could live with mine:

Woke up wide awake at 5:45 am (didn't have to be up til 7) and my Apple Watch gave me a low sleep score b/c I didn't sleep long enough. So tonight I'm staying up late to spite it. If I'm gonna get dinged for not sleeping enough, at least I'll do it on my preferred sleep schedule.

Am allergic to crab/shrimp, so those are out, as are oysters & snails. Black licorice is the only one I'd refuse if served to me. 3 others I wouldn't choose but would deal if needed. By this chart, I'm not picky. (I won't eat strawberries or watermelon, which makes me picky in many people's eyes.)

I will watch the living FUCK outta this. www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-news/d...

No one famous from my small-town HS, but I (and my grandmother) attended the same grade school as Eugene McCarthy. (She wouldn't have cared for his politics.)

Age verification? When I moved from St. Paul to rural central MN, my area code didn't change.

My ex has turned into such a twee weirdo on FB (and IRL, let's be honest). He's not a bad guy, just... well, a bit of an oddball. Others seem to like it. so... Guess who the kids come home to see for Xmas? ... maybe I'm gloating a little bit, maybe I'm just glad I got out when I did

Has anyone ever mitigated their gall?

Re: Songs we hate (going around) Huh. Never heard this crit before. To me, it's just a fun song, musically. (Lyrically, of course, there is some questionable shit...) The world contains multitudes, doesn't it? I really don't like REM, and that seems to get me kicked out of most GenX Cool Clubs.

"And if you can't source your own groundhog, storebought is fine"

I use frozen OJ concentrate in my turkey brine (early Alton Brown recipe; not sure if he currently recommends it). Hope somebody keeps selling it. IDC the brand, as long as someone keeps selling it. (And "share of throat" is funny on a few levels...)

This is who runs this account

That's why you never find any bones in milk.

Tonight’s going-to-bed mantra: I have phone, I have vape I have water, I have cane Doesn’t rhyme, but hits the important parts.