This is what I picture when anyone mentions using Chatgpt (I think you are dumb, but I’m also worried about my safety)

trying to explain to an alien that you can make a stinky face when music is bad but it’s also normal to do so when it’s good

here's something cool: the son of the letter carrier on Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood (McFeely) is a real letter carrier for the USPS and he's our letter carrier and he's awesome

Gotta say, I’m not so confident that you do

This with bells on

when will a frankenstein movie be brave enough to let us see the doctor choosing the dick

[P] It's like all billionaires are given only two personal grooming/style options: "Main Villain from Any Jason Statham Movie" or "Living Thomas Nast Drawing"

[P] HECK YEAH!

[P] The Germans don't actually have a phrase for it, but if they did, it would be "Stolz darauf, kopfüber zu scheißen" (Proud of shitting upside-down)

[P] This remains the best thing on the Internet

[S] To the strains of "Ashokan Farewell"...

[P] Happy #LetterboxdFriday! Time to post your #LastFourWatched 💻

[P] Okay, Pluribus, I'm hooked.

[P] I could watch "Classic Albums: Steely Dan - Aja" once a week. (Fagen and Becker listen to some isolated "Deacon Blues" vocals) FAGEN: This is those days when I was singing a little like Jerry Lewis, remember that? BECKER: Yeah. That was a very fertile period for you.

To my trans and nonbinary friends, I am so sorry that you have to deal with this hate. And I hope to see us reach the other side of it soon. And, we will reach the other side. This is horrifying, but it is ultimately the latest iteration of a time-worn tale. And their time always comes to an end.

Did Women Ruin The Workplace

[P] The next Democratic Presidential candidate could fund their entire campaign through donations allowing the contributors to come to the White House on Inauguration Day to help tear all Trump's gold shit off the walls

Was this the best use of my time today? No. Is it the most amusing way I could have spent the last 90 minutes? Absolutely. Pattern is free here: bit.ly/4nGGCGc

[P] “I had an onion hanging from my radio antenna, which was the style at the time…”

great day for the legal theory of "not guilty if it's funny enough"

[P] BEAT YOUR ITALIAN BMTS INTO SWORDS

[P]

[P] This isn't the point here, but...Trump's hair is looking particularly square today.

[P] still thinking about that festival back in 2002 when Books was on the same bill as Another Ferret

lol

[P] What do you mean, we aren't facing an existential crisis Raffi? Fentanyl killed 472 million Americans last year!

[P] Aloof Wife Guy

[P} My wife got us a couple pirate costumes for a Halloween party; mine ended up not arriving in time. A real shame, because my costume came with what is truly and unquestionably The Worst Hat There Has Ever Been.

If I lived in Los Angeles, nothing would keep me from this. Not inertia or traffic or a cloud of locusts. NOTHING.

[P] I love how this is both a cool, good thing to do, and also one more "fuck you" to Cuomo on the way out the door

You can't prove to me that's not three 8.5x11 sheets of paper taped to the wall

[P] Tell me you haven't flown commercial in 30 years or more without telling me you haven't flown commercial in 30 years or more

[P] I don't know if I can handle two consecutive days of this much joy

[P] $180? Think of how many pierogis that would buy! (if anyone would sell him some)

[P] "suck a fuck" is great

basically every 2024 truism is dead. Trump did not build a lasting multiracial coalition or turn young men into committed Republicans. You don’t need to cave on trans rights to win. The pundits have nothing left to tell you.

[P] Alexandra continues to spit satire bars on the regular

[P] Rejected Suitor: "I Didn't Really Want to Go Out with You Anyway"

[P] Those idiot billionaires spent $22 million backing Cuomo, when they could have used that money to back a Broadway revival of They're Playing Our Song with Raúl Esparza and Jessica Vosk. Such a waste.

Zohran has ended his victory speech by summoning and entrapping the spirit of Andrew Cuomo in a Greater Soul Gem. The translucent former governor's mouth hangs open in a pained howl as he writhes within the jewel, but makes no sound.

I wonder how the council of unelected law wizards is handling tonight. Well, Alito's sorted: he's about to fly several flags that they don't let you display in Germany

[P] still an all-time classic

May all terrible people be sad tonight.

Cuomo: Look, in the heat of battle you say strident things. But elections aside I remain the reasonable, moderate leader you know. Reporter: But why are you in blackface? Cuomo: I will ask my lawyer to respond to that Lawyer: Mr. Cuomo has….okay could you possibly take your hand off of my vulva

[P] GO BIRDS

i wouldn't be a total glenn youngkin hater if i didn't mention that the results tonight mean that his total tenure amounted to presiding over the destruction — at least for the next few years — of the virginia republican party. lmao.

[P] Sure okay, pretty good speech I guess or whatever. But can he lurch around awkwardly to "YMCA"?

[P] My screaming hot take: Mamdani is a good public speaker

“Turn the volume up” is so fucking good. Holy shit.