Americans be like "Every TEACHER should have a VINTAGE TANKER DESK full of CONCRETE and and a WINCH above the DOOR to lift the DESK above the DOOR so when the SHOOTER comes in they can hit a BUTTON and and then the the SHOOTER gets FLATTENED like a CARTOON RABBIT."

Judgment is upon us.

Figured out how to heat up an MRE using a rock or something. Got it pretty toasty considering that it's only 85°F out and cloudy.

Fuck the Doritos Locos Tacos meme. I've eaten Pop-Tarts that outlasted the Confederacy.

This is silly, but I was up at like 3AM recently, and realized that 7/1/25, when replaced with the corresponding letters of the alphabet, spells "GAY". This is why I never get anything done. 😮‍💨 Honestly, I can't think of a better year to tack an extra day onto Pride.

I wonder how many eggs are gonna' crack now that they aren't stuck on 4chan.

Reminder that the DMV probably doesn't know what frotting is.

If you aren't losing skateboarders to the river by the dozen, are you even urban planning?

They should tariff the orcas and see what happens.

Wall Street bets discord is so goddamn funny right now

@kvacm.bsky.social Is the full-size version of Torii City still available anywhere? Also, is that the Swordfish II? www.reddit.com/r/outrun/com...

*deep inhale* these genders could not have been build by modern society. Not even with our most powerful laser technology could we have built genders such as those found in the ancient world. The only possible explanation for such complex, load-bearing genders... is aliens.

Sex playlist, but it's just hold music. www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7xn...

Did Duolingo get an update? These are cursed. And animated BTW.

running the federal govt the same way I figure out which breaker powers the garage

Waow I can't believe this domain was a dollar.

Without downloading new pics, describe your gender in one image.

Me in my echo chamber:

Connecting what was once a thousand dollar phone to the internet only to have it immediately have something named Mobile Installer install something named App Selector so it can install Candy Crush or some shit will radicalize a bitch. T-Mobile variant OnePlus 9T Pro. I paid $400, but still.

"mimicking the tranquil motions of breath" if that thing starts breathing, my motions will be anything but tranquil

Wait, there's an algorithm? /s Interests include: Swords, gaming, animation, electronics, cars, modding literally anything, blacksmithing, and I'm taking an interest in lapidary. Listen y'all, I'm literally just a nerdy hick.

Roko's Basilisk, but it's built at the helm of a capitalistic system and YOU will suffer whether you help build it or not.

butterfly v tapeworm who will win?

I wish I had a massive platform to exploit. I wanna' climb up on a stage and loudly rant about how bladed coffee grinders are NOT mills, and barely count as grinders, then just walk off, leaving everybody confused.

wElDiNg

Pokémon Go won't let me name my Scizor "Lesbos", so I had to name it "Subaru". Literally 1984.

People call me a humanitarian when the Donner Party is RIGHT THERE.

I just love the implication that employees CAN sit on the table.

Lightning is a hoax that the CIA uses to hide their camera flash.

*Yoda death sound* "Ah, yes. We shall name this deity 'Orgalorg'."

This would fix me.

Sorry I called your baby a “cursed object”

This is important

Dudes be bitching because they're under, like, 6' tall. Grab some Demonias and some fishnets, you cowards.

Tracer from Overwatch was originally designed as a male character, and has a wavedash ability. In this essay, I will-

Righteous Torrence "TK" Hill (Chevy) was murdered on February 29, 2024 in Atlanta, GA. He was a Black Trans man and the founder and owner a full service salon dedicated to the LGBTQ+ community. His murder has received little to no MSM coverage. In these times, we cannot be silent. Please Reskeet.

The worst thing about demolition racers is that their target demographic is teenage boys, so you'll just be chilling, smashing shit up, and they'll throw on a song from the world's most divorced highschooler. Anyway, FlatOut: Ultimate Carnage just got an update after 15 years.

eat shit

If I could do art, I could get intrusive thoughts like "Ruh Roh Dah" out of my head BEFORE they become a problem.

lol his post got locked on /r/github so he made antoher one on his profile

ghoul: did you finish that poster for the toronto property management campaign? wraith: sure did boss, real fuckin callous and tone deaf just like you asked. ghoul: excellent work you are promoted

oh my god ?

A friend of mine with goats told me that goats will love you forever if you give them scritches between the horns. Anyway, I had a dream that I got kicked out of hell last night.

If I were Billie Eilish's mom, I would absolutely sing along to "Bad Guy". Do you know what kind of an opportunity that is? *Pulls up chair* *Youth pastor voice* "You know who 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 fucks people's dads?"

I love shitposting because then other people have to deal with the voices in my head too.