What is this? A farm for alien ants?

This email seems to be suggesting I should dine at Mexi Bean every single night

Blind man's buff, he's like totally jacked

Busting out the Mum lexicon on this tiresome Sunday. Just told my daughter to stop OUNGING

Final totaliser: £2,298 raised for @mariecurieuk.bsky.social hospices. I think the Bluesky massive did a lot of the heavy lifting - thanks so, so much to everyone who donated. Ready to do my bit. #porridge #teamMarieCurie

Feels weird that Nathaniel Hawthorne, great American novelist, visited Peterborough Cathedral and gazed at and judged the same monument that I have often gazed at and judged

hey, an extremely Reform-y ward just elected this guy

Best present

Went in a secondhand bookshop today where the fiction was arranged by “male authors” and “female authors”

My desires are… unconventional

In an American bar that’s showing football on one screen, karaoke on a second, and a graphic sex change operation on the third

Absolutely in love with Yarmouth. It’s really done a Blackpool on us

Alex furiously cranking one out

Alex just won £11 on a fruit machine. That’s why I’m with him

A pirate-themed bar at the end of a pier has never yet let me down

YARM

Insane that this is just out here in the middle of the Fens

Freelance pals, I cannot stress how effective this is. I've been owed several thousand from an EU company for months and months despite dozens of calls/emails and finally this morning I invoked the European equivalent of the Late Payments Directive in a stern email and they paid up two hours later.

if you want to give to my cousin's fundraiser for neuroendocrine cancer research that would be great bsky.app/profile/amaz...

Spam emails from fake AI book publicists suck, of course. But I can't deny this opening got my attention.

Nightmares. Morninghorses. Dinnerpalominos. Dawnfillies. Noonsteeds. Duskponies. Afternooncolts. Lunchgelding. Vesperbroncos. Twilightfoals. Matinsnags. Sunsetroans. Breakfastbays. Happyhourmounts. Laudscobs. Breakfastequids. Sunrisesorrels. Middaytrotters. WitchingHourPintos. Complinestallions. Ele

Back home, cycling past the funfair as they pack up after their fortnight stay. They’re taking the horses off the merry-go-round! I push my bike up and ask if I can photograph them putting the horses away. “Just get my good side” Lots of photos! am very excited! will post these three to start!

“I was just giving yourself a call”: never address anyone as “your self” unless you’re willing to put “fine-ass” in the middle of it

I am in a dessert restaurant. Most cursed of all food establishments

Happy birthday also to my granny, 89 today. She had us all in hysterics yesterday. Such an absolute legend

Plumbert Plumbert

Plumbert Plumbert

Asked my son what’s happening tomorrow. A smile spread slowly across his face. “Birthday,” he said. “Monday four May, presents, yeah!”

It’s the time of year to be sharing this.

Was watching snooker yesterday with @cbuckthorn.bsky.social and she said, “Why’s the butler putting the balls back on the table?”, which reminded me of the sport’s inherent ridiculousness.

Publishers, I beg you

(I make a "mouth" with the side of my hand and draw little eyes above it) Richard Dawkins: hmmmm (I put lipstick around the "mouth") Richard Dawkins, suavely: well hello

Good morning from Peterborough, jewel of the Fens

Finally got through the fourth season of Community for the first time to find season five is absolutely delightful. What a joy

That's the west coast mainline for you

The trumpet #totp

They’re right tho. There IS no party like an S Club party #totp

This is Flimsy Steve coded #totp

Ah’m no grass

They might be pulling this building down soon. As if constructing an enormous expanse of pure windowless brickness meant nothing

It’s a bold choice, but he’s up to it

I am here with some hot women

Alex and I had a fortnight of no booze, followed by a fortnight of significantly less booze than usual, so I’m about to get pissed in about three minutes flat

It's your Sons Mumford, something's gotta be done about your Sons!

Three pieces of toast for lunch. A toast toastie

These Enid Blyton adventures are getting out of hand, what will she think of next 😂😂😂

Suddenly everyone hates a wife guy

Probably has a cruet on the nightstand so he can “fine tune the seasoning” before he administers some joyless, inept, toothy flailing that feels like getting eaten out by a sentient nutmeg grater

Pastor of Muppets

5yo spells emoji as “amogy”