“If you think you have the moral high ground, that’s a very dangerous position and you can do some dreadful things.” - Brian Flanagan The Weather Underground

Sitting on toilet drinking coffee 2 minutes before work zoom meeting thinking, “I have time to skeet about this”.

MAGA Guy: THEY INDICTED HUNTER BIDEN! Justice! .. What they get him on? .. Oh, it’s illegal to do illegal drugs and buy guns? So, hypothetically speaking, if I’m on unprescribed Oxy’s and buy a gun, I did the same thing? .. They really prosecute that? Sheeeeet.

I’m enjoying Ahsoka, but the plot is a collection of holes tightly strung together by other holes.

“If you think you have the moral high ground, that’s a very dangerous position and you can do some dreadful things.” - Brian Flanagan The Weather Underground

Do one thing so beautifully kind and surprising that the universe cries joyfully.

Took a look at my student loan details and I think I'm going to focus my efforts on getting sucked into an interdimensional portal.

Enhance

Real-estate developer has business plan ruined by double life leading illegal alien.

What's a "comfort" horror watch you don't mind playing often? 📽️ I used to watch The Lost Boys when a local station would run it on the weekend. A+ soundtrack, lots of humor, fantastic cast, tense atmospheric tone that doesn't overwhelm, and the single greatest closing line in cinema, hands down.

What’s a “comfort” horror watch you don’t mind playing often? It's more of a horror comedy but that's my favorite genre and most of my favorite horror has at least some comedy in there too. But yeah this is one of my favorites to just throw on when I'm feeling blue.

What’s a “comfort” horror watch you don’t mind playing often? First time I saw this movie I found myself quickly rooting for the Cenobites, so it never really feel like horror to me, but more a macab superhero film.

Thank you so much to everyone who shared or donated to Beth’s GFM!! The goal was hit in just a few hours, and Ken has suspended addtl donations. Our friend @tadpr0le.bsky.social has also been battling cancer and he could also use some solidarity. Please consider chipping in or sharing this post

You ever just “whatever”, and realize you actually mean it. Oh man, that’s the nectar of the gods.

“Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment start a Youtube channel and create a subscription course.”

Am I a bad person that I want them to legalize drugs, which could devastate millions, all because I’d like to buy pure MDMA at CVS.

What’s your sign

Thinking about traveling back in time to try and stop horrific events in history by standing at an intersection with a cardboard sign.

“How old do you feel inside?” I’d like a lawyer before I answer anymore of these questions.

whats your sign

Guy in a white jumpsuit with a mesh mask pointing a sword at me saying “En garde!” Sorry can’t, I’m a non-duelists.

Me: “God, I give up” God: “I was inside you the whole time” Me: “Wow, that was a pretty great hiding spot” God: “Thanks, now you hide, 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi….”

Demon conference: “Let’s chill out for a while, things are getting wack.”

Thinking about traveling back in time to try and stop horrific events in history by standing at an intersection with a cardboard sign.

Somehow crushing an entire box of keto friendly cookies, feels worse than eating a box of real cookies.

Me: “I suffer from severe Skelephobia.” X-Ray Technician: “Well then, I might have the worst news possible.”

Waking up first thing in morning: “Where is my persistent sense of dread? Maybe if I think about some stuff I fear happening. Ah yes, there is is!”

How do cats know your bladder is full and you’re about to get up?

Scientist: No evidence of aliens so far, but we are looking. DMT enthusiasts: I’ve fucked a few aliens, but I’m over it. I’m now really focused on healing my past trauma and trying to open my heart.

You ever consider just not wanting the thing causing you so much pain?

When actual flag-carrying and chanting Nazis marched in Florida last week hardly anyone noticed and I think more people would have been alarmed if they hadn't been desensitized to the word. People hear "there are Nazis marching in the street" and think you mean boomers in maga hats.

Wild to imagine a time you could ask for the smoking section at a Chuck-E-Cheese.

I always rooted for the Noid.

Get it, get that itch!

Sometimes this app is buggy and I can’t click the reply button. I think this is for the best.

Reskeet with a tweet you still think about

Reskeet with a tweet you still think about x.com/markwoodleyt...

Four fictional characters to represent you.

I casually mention how unconditional compassion makes some people really angry. He laughs in disbelief challenging me to give an example. I do, and end up spending next 45 minutes trying to explain it between his angrily yelling objections and not really listening.

If I had believed in God and went to Church, I would have missed my cat covering his face with his paw as he slept.

Me on a first date: “Sorry I’m late, I really wanted to finish this documentary on feral children”.

Wife: “When is the last time you’ve washed that water bottle?” Me: Thinking back to the day I bought it, and wondering if I ever washed it.

I feel empty inside. But like, in a calm way.

Using an image, show a movie(s) you are SURE you have watched more than ten times.

My cat leaves my arms if I sing to him. Does he not know the song is about him?

Using an image, show a movie you are SURE you have watched more than ten times.