Now that I've revealed myself to be a world-class moron and everybody is yelling at me on here, I have reconsidered my "no-blocking" stance,

we will meet again in the next life. unless it’s on mastodon, im not doing all that

Why is no one talking about this. This is not an "April fool". #birdterrorism

KONY 2012

No, make it a carousel that says: ✅ Streamline your exigencies ✅ Reporting workflow ✅ Big Data ✅ Security?

called before congress to testify to the existence of tens of thousands of leaked emails in which I beg, to various degrees of humiliation, for purina to release a product I’ve pitched as “Beggin’ Strips for Boys”

Sounds like my five year old. "The Iran waww is so BOowwing!"

WUZBAPPIN

Oh wow congratulations Mr lithgow. You're so brave for almost doing something right

Everybody's talking about how stupid this is but it's also VERY racist. He's fucking calling them sneaky

Oh god this made me laugh so hard. Watch til the end.

Never give up

Deeply grateful to Pete Hegseth for demonstrating to the world how machismo is objectively vapid and pathetic

What weird thing to say

"so many of these people chose not to vote" [citation needed]

Seeking a frisson of gnostic transgression, I decided to join a movement of proudly illiterate dipshits

Cat feels “betrayed” by laser pointer

i’d like for some people to grapple with the fact that “the most important election of our lifetime,” if you actually mean it, implies that the governance period following it is also the most important governance period of our lifetime, and adjust their demands/expectations/behaviors accordingly

They're literally just doing this so we all get mad and remember they exist

Nothing all that dramatic, just was questioning things in my late teens and somehow discovered atheism and it just answered all my questions

Challenge for those who are very confident that Muppets have no souls: Explain how human consciousness works.

Markwayne Gacy

if you can't keep your mitts off your mobile phone for the entirety of the incredibly brief time interval of a traffic signal, you are resolutely not possessed of the attention span required to operate a motor vehicle!!! put the goddamn thing AWAY

An entire platform of Milkshake Ducks

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I'm pretty sure "let's do a eugenics to prisoners" been tried before and it didn't end up great

(pounding on table with fork & knife) woke 2! woke 2! woke 2!

bring back morality

Which Way Western Man (depression from looking at phone, anxiety from failure to look at phone)

The world could be such a nice place if we allowed it. It's all so goddamn unnecessary. There's no need for any of it. It's so beautiful here. It should be so cool to be alive

And me! You can't get replies from ME on X!

My five-year-old refuses to watch the Olympics because she keeps getting jump-scared by this demented succubus

Farts are just the screams for help from trapped turds

"Alright boss, here's the zombie basketball tip-off statue you asked for"

Bunch of snowflakes, afraid of a lady's name

Even watching this with the sound off made me anxious

Even as a Millennial TurboLiberal for whom this website is made I have to admit I get pretty tired of reading about one trillion problems I neither understand nor can solve. "THOUSANDS of octopi are dying off the coast of Madagascar" alright I'm not in charge of that. That's not my job.

i do not think therefore i do not am

This is hardly the biggest issue with the party, but the Democrats have a fucking spam problem. I didn't sign up for this shit

Anyone who has voluntarily had sexual relations with Robert F. Kennedy Jr. in the past 10 years is both an idiot and an asshole

This cross-pollination IS how new ideas happen. EVERY field needs humanistic thinking, that's why they call PhDs "Doctors of Philosophy"

"In Bed With the Right" is easily among the smartest, most incisive analysis of gender politics, culture, and whatever is happening on the Right you'll find anywhere. Grateful to @adriandaub.bsky.social and @moiradonegan.bsky.social for what they are offering with their podcast. Please listen!

Fuckin dominated at Pretty Pretty Princess today. 5 year old is crying

Not to sound too corny or like a version of 2019 woke that would be insufferable now but I do hope that everyone who has difficult or painful relationships with their family finds comfort, love, and belonging today.

Watching the annual dog racism show

All my work relationships (IT so mostly dudes) would be so much better if I knew more about sports

being married is like being an anthropologist of one person in particular, and the field work only ends when one of you dies