And den hi go take dem to di bowling alley

If third place results keep going the way they are going, Scotland not only don't qualify for the next round, but are excluded from the next three World Cups.

Commentator just made a mistake saying that Oleg Salenko scored his 5 goals 32 years ago, when actually it was at the 1994 World Cup. Wait…

This Norway France game is a belter so far

I’m tempted to ask “has he?” but that would a low blow, that would be a right low blow

'Do we have to invite your weird improv mates to the wedding?' 'Yeah, what's the worst that can happen?'

My nana was very much the same but with Victoria sponge.

Tonight’s temperature

Oof

It’s the kind of weather in which one inhales those 330ml M&S beers in 30 seconds. I imagine.

I should call her

Game’s been arse so far

When reality surpasses fiction! Top: fictional forecast for August 2050, broadcast by French TV in 2014 to warn about the consequences of global warming. Bottom: Real French forecast for yesterday, June 22, 2026.

The support VAR is angry

Why is Emma Hayes in a kitchen?

Yeah, cracking goal that

What's that cunt John Terry doing there?

@bobmouldmusic.bsky.social can you settle something that’s bugged me for a while - is this you behind Lex Luger?

Hate to say it, but that was liquid football.

*Me logging back into my work computer after 2 days off* Office 365: WHO THE FUCKING HELL ARE YOU?

Rare that I’ll go to a gig where all acts, including the support acts, were top notch. Great night at the Hare & Hounds to see Austin TV, Cahill Costello and the imperious This Will Destroy You.

Five hours later, a masked stranger enters the White House UFC ring

Just walking past some people sitting outside the pub playing loud music from their own Bluetooth speaker. New level of cuntishness unlocked.

Sithole. Yep.

Can football pundits just work for anyone now? Swear I’ve seen these guys on all the other channels too. What happened to loyalty? Jimmy Hill would be saddened and appalled.

I’ve seen enough. Mexico will win the World Cup. #BankIt

The countdown isn’t going to be at every match is it?

An official Byron Bay account glazing a white nationalist “comedian and satirist” who recently made a video depicting indigenous Australians as petrol-sniffing benefits scroungers says everything about that fucking hateful place. Fascists with acoustic guitars.

When did this come in?

This is the second time he’s said this in a week. He just learned this the other day, didn’t he?

By all accounts Anthony Head was a lovely bloke. Once again the grim reaper’s aim is way off.

"DEI"

Thought I’d watch something light to see me out of the weekend, and ended up watching Schindler’s List again. I don’t help myself, do I?

My instagram has two sequential videos of Andy Robertson and Werner Herzog showing off trophies.

found a whole operation of unmanned youtube channels making completely unchecked long form slop videos where the ai voice simulacra regularly trips up & does this for a full ten minutes every time. all the very legit comments are like "NO! THATS NOT TRUE! YOU LIE HE DID NOT" & never acknowledge it.

Ok this is a truly great tweet

This fucking guy

The deal for me to star in the next Marvel movie is 95% done. The remaining 5% of the negotiations are me getting the Marvel people to meet me and creating a Wikipedia article about me which includes a filmography of similar projects that suggest I might be suitable.

Fair play to the Deliveroo delivery boys still out in their thick coats and gloves.

Imagine someone saying “you can’t beat an iced coffee on a hot day” in a REALLY thick Birmingham accent. Well, I don’t have to imagine it, unlike the rest of you losers.

My apartment purchase goes through in the next week or so. Bit scary and will miss my balcony view of Old Joe, but am moving to one of the nicer parts of Birmingham.

Honoured to be featured in this week’s Observer magazine

Some Arsenal fans have found my…bluesky tweet? Is that what they’re called? Anyway, it’s fine to join in, lads.

YO PLEASE WATCH THIS IM FUCKING SCREAMING

No notes.

What a grim season this has been. Arsenal winning the league, Liverpool playing the worst football I can remember them playing for such a sustained period, and probably not even the consolation of seeing Spurs go down.

this is a masterpiece

Facebook seems to have decided that I’m desperate to engage with flag/Tommy Robinson/protest discourse and are filling my timeline with videos from every conceivable perspective. We will be able to trace the fall of our societies to that dorm room at Harvard in the early 00s.

“I’m a big admirer of Haaland”. Don’t stick your neck out, Wayne.