**freeze frame/record scratch** Yup. That's me. Looking for an oyster shucker.

I was going to go for a walk but ....

The shower is broken. Had to have a whore's bath.

Prosecco and sofa tonight, lads.

In honour of the woman who, more than anyone, is responsible for this moment of transparency with the #EpsteinFiles, we're removing the paywall from this profile 🟨‘Virginia Roberts Giuffre Was an American Hero’ subscribe.bylinetimes.com/edition/80/v...

Wait. Jacob Elordi is Australian?

Here is John pointing out some WWI zeppelin damage in Smithfield. ❤️

Always good to get my mouth around Billy Bu ....... ok I'll stop I'll stop

**head thumping on desk repeatedly**

Only a couple of hours left of Bandcamp Friday, please consider purchasing my new album! X

Went to the Old Bailey. Looked like there were three Dementors. Strange days indeed.

Whose stupid idea was it to babysit today? And whose idea was it to register as self-employed?

Alice Cooper appeared in a Mae West film, singing a piano ballad. Mind blown. www.instagram.com/reel/DTYMYzo...

I have had the absolute BEST time in London with @jpriceno7.bsky.social Adventures with him are magical. I've visited so many places I've wanted to see for years.

Anything by Take That

Feel Like We Only Go Backwards - Tame Impala A Dream Is All I Need To Get By - High Flying Birds

I'M ON THE TRAIN

Imagine being called an evil cunt by Jeffrey Epstein.

BREAKING: Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has been formally reported to the police over allegations he was involved in the trafficking of a woman to the UK for sex in 2010

This hold that dead pedo-enabling woman has over people is insane. Fuck the monarchy and fuck her especially. She lived far too long.

This is absolute fucking bollocks, Daniel. The Queen (dead) paid a victim of Andrew's £12million of OUR MONEY so her baby boy wouldn't go to jail. He was her favourite. The rest of the Royal Family fucking hate Andrew. The queen was a piece of shit.

Shoutout to the guy who pulled out in front of me, causing me to slam my brakes and beep him. He flipped the bird for roughly 10 seconds then drove off at 50mph in a 30 zone.

I see Meghan continues to be attacked for ** checks notes** making jam and having opinions.

I'm going to Londom tomorrow - LOOK! I'm so excited for FUN and sunshine.

Lunch

Dreamt Mariah Carey released a ballad about dating Vecna.

Post a photo of you in your favourite dress...

A wild dog with loads of tumours growling at me on a remote beach in Cambodia. I backed away slowly. JP said I was overreacting. I don't think people understand how awful rabies is.

In the 90s there were a lot of films where catatrophically unqualified but wildly charismatic people saved the earth and I am here for that.

m.imdb.com/title/tt0116... Now watching. 🎥

People of Southampton! Your ability to stop dead right in front of somebody walking is unsurpassed! EVEN WHEN you've seen them and have miles of pavement!

I have exciting plans and I feel positive.

Chocolate cake Wine gums Haribo Chocolate ice cream

Missed this. Gutted.

I had my windows open today and it really, truly smelt like spring. It's coming.

Fuck's sake, you like ONE reel of Jayne Mansfield playing the violin and suddenly she's spread all over my Instagram.

Adam Rickett's 'bold new look'.

Elsewhere I have seen mention of a mashed potato sandwich. I, however, present to you, the hash brown roll. Queen of the slutty breakfasts.

Added salt to the dishwasher for the first time.

Watched The Craft aged 17. Deeply related on many levels. Watching The Craft many years later. Deeply relate on so many levels but so differently.

I've known thwarted toddlers show more restraint than this.

JP has bought some photo frames. Some of them have unintentionally hilarious bad grammar, but my favourite is this:

Really depressing and crushed sign of spring? #Southampton

Don't obsess over unavailable people. It will never work. If you focus on YOU and who you want to be, your confidence will shine and you'll attract the right people.

My PT usually focuses on strength training. However, I've become so bloody unfit and wheezy that he added some cardio yesterday.

I heard an EXCELLENT song today on an obscure radio station. It was rap with a funky brass and the chorus sounded faintly like a woman singing "bang the windows" Normally I remember lyrics and google them but .... nothing

I've read this 20 times and I still don't get it.

Just had a roast dinner.

Mumm-Ra has defected to Reform

I. Am. Hooked.