Brad Leone's giardiniera recipe? More like giardia-nera amiriteguyz? This is a relevant reference and very right now

Having a cis person tell you that you don't need to transition to be trans feels like a rich person saying that you don't need material possessions to be happy.

I love it when people think that college tuition has increased because of "wokeness", and not because they hired an associate dean of engagement.

How is "Congressman and former Army Ranger Jason Crow" the name of a real person, and not, as I had assumed, the secret identity of a Rob Liefeld character

Read several headlines this morning about Democrats being anxious about their crushing defeats in 2020, but not a single one about Republicans being anxious about their crushing defeat like two weeks ago.

Death Becomes Her is Reanimator for theater kids.

I've been posting too many silly things lately, so I'll post something more serious, solemn, and somber: Trump's eyes look like hemorrhoids.

Chump's out here sending masked randos to kidnap innocent people off the street, blowing up innocent people in boats, and claiming he's ending wars and making groceries and other goods cheaper...right before Thanksgiving and Christmas, and people still think he cares about objective reality.

It's 2025 and there is a Clinton blow job scandal. Did the writers go on strike? Are we doomed to live in Boomer nostalgia clip shows for eternity?

My mom takes a diabetes drug called Mounjaro, which really sounds like it should be the name of a board game that you get sucked into if you lose a hand. My daughter called it Manjuro, which sounds like a manga about a town where everyone's terrified of, like, rhombuses.

Joyce Carol Oates=1, Elon Musk=0

"Trump is standing up for the little guy against the elites, And by little guy, we mean the Supreme Court, and the elites, we mean people who qualify for food stamps."

Youtube is sending me ads for Ukrainian mail-order brides

Imagine spending more money to unsuccessfully stop a tax increase than paying actual taxes.

Marjorie Taylor greene is doing exactly the thing Trump did to gain power: attack a now-unpopular republicans from the center to establish his “independent” bona fides. She smells blood in the water.

is there a Balls Cheney

The funniest thing I've ever seen and the maddest Trump have ever been was when Hillary Clinton called him Putin's puppet. Call this assclown a puppet of Steven Miller and JD Vance and watch him shit a brick.

basically every 2024 truism is dead. Trump did not build a lasting multiracial coalition or turn young men into committed Republicans. You don’t need to cave on trans rights to win. The pundits have nothing left to tell you.

The biggest misstep the right wing took in recent years was in over using the word socialism u til it stopped being scary and in many ways sounds reasonable.

I can't believe JoJo Siwa's grampa is running for mayor of New York

this is such a great encapsulation of why this race feels existential even to people outside NYC. Cuomo as the final boss of everything wrong with the current Democratic Party, Mamdani happily grabbing the third rails everyone’s told are too dangerous to touch (trans people, Muslims, socialism)

You, smart: People need to read more history and learn from past mistakes Me, dumb but reading history: Uh, rich people have the memories of goldfish and the survival instincts of zoo pandas. I'll pencil in this same conversation for in a few years.

Everyone who grew up in the 80's and had any exposure at all to pop culture has been brined in a solution of "Public sector Bad, private sector Good, cops/military Good Guys" that primes them to be amenable to "Eliminating Government Waste" being obviously a step in the right direction.

Derek Guy never misses.

I am actually very interested in redemption arcs, I just think if you have been the kind of guy who would get a Nazi tattoo (even unwittingly), redemption involves relinquishing ambition for positions of power, not getting elected to the fucking Senate.

All politics today is downstream of the disastrous rollout of low-flow toilets.

I feel like whenever certain kinds of people talk about ‘the working class’ they’re just remembering the Gay Steel Mill from the Simpsons

Sloppy steaks are back on the menu!

this missing T in bret's name stands for tiny piss baby

the symbolism of “Trump destroying the White House for a overpriced luxury vanity project, during a government shut down, days after a historically-large mass demonstration against his regime called “No Kings”’ would be rightly viewed as laying it on a little thick if it was in a work of fiction

Every picture of George Santos looks like Pee Wee just swiveled his chair around and he's about to say "You'll never get your bike back now, Mr. Herman..."

Halloween music is a meta genre that crosses any and all genres, and 70% of songs on Halloween playlists are not Halloween music. Tubular Bells? Halloween music! Werewolves of London? Not Halloween Music! Any song by the Cramps? Halloween Music. Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo? Not Halloween music!

The Internet: 'We need less performative activism' someone does quiet, effective charity work The Internet: 'Why isn't anyone talking about this issue?' someone talks about the issue The Internet: 'Ugh, performative'"

Quoting the Office is less ethically bad than advocating for a rival's murder, but cringe wise it's actually significantly worse.

WHEN THERE’S TREASURE BEHIND THE WATERFALL: Oh wow. Yes, very clever! Waterfall treasure! No one’s ever done that before. Lazy jackass WHEN THERE’S NO TREASURE BEHIND THE WATERFALL: Wow. Too stuck-up to put treasure there huh? Too much of a fucking ICONOCLAST for that? Piece of shit. FUCK you

Q: Politico reported on a group chat of young Republicans. Does this just reflect some bad apples? HOCHUL: Some bad apples? These are the future of the GOP. This is so vile it's hard to find the words to put into context ... there's gotta be consequences ... this bullshit has to stop.

Republicans need to learn the difference between conspiracy and “repeating things I texted that I didn’t think other people would see.”

Every JD Vance interview: REPORTER: The president literally declared war on Democrats to military leaders. Do you agree? JD VANCE: Umm haha what I DISAGREE with is Chuck Schumer telling the American people they have to give their cars over to immigrants. But you wont report it!

Since the left is reclaiming the frog as an icon of something, now is the time for me to say that Frog has always been one of my favorite characters in Chrono Trigger, the greatest JRPG of all time.

I play tabletop rpgs and craft a lot of terrain for them. It's wild to me that the Friendly Local Gaming Store sells only over-priced GW and WOTC products that I will never almost never buy, and for crafting stuff I have to go to like four different stores and still use Amazon. There's a huge vacuum

I am An Old (mid 50s). My ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE I was promised a utopian existence where manual labor and drudgery were eliminated by technology so I could be free to read, write, draw, make music, or whatever. Instead the tech will do all that while I labor in the mines (Amazon Fulfillment Ctr).

It’s called Stumptown because all the buildings were chopped down by Antifa.

I don’t think we’re talking enough about the fact that we successfully took back the frog. Like it has been a meme for the alt right for years now, and thanks to these Portland inflatable costumes, we’re taking it back

I almost wrote a joke about RFK saying we need to ban trains because of the high correlation with autism, but then I realized Chump doesn't need another excuse to F with mass transit.

Minecraft-themed Legos is like having Transformers-themed Go Bots GtFO.

Just read NPR claim that 59% of Republicans trust RFK Jr as much as their doctor about health care, and 59% of Democrats and independents disapprove of RFK's job. Therefore, "people are being increasingly partisan about their health beliefs." Bothsidesism is a hell of a drug.

The funniest possible headline and photo combo

Fewer things are more validating than being able to say I hated Jimmy Fallon before it was cool.