Mario Kart Garfunkel
@thatsamorey.bsky.social
📤 227
📥 385
📝 933
The world’s gonna kick you either way
reposted by
Mario Kart Garfunkel
Garry
about 12 hours ago
“I am so bored by AI. One of the things I love about the theatre is AI can’t do it.” Ethan Hawke is a dude 👌🏻
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Mario Kart Garfunkel
12 days ago
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Karlie Chirk
about 16 hours ago
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Melville really said
add a skeleton here at some point
2 days ago
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Great timing, Mr. President!!!!!
add a skeleton here at some point
3 days ago
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Aw yeah, work it, girl. Dock its pay. Make it stay late. Tell it that Christmas bonus isn’t looking too good.
5 days ago
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Mario Kart Garfunkel
Ray (Krampus mode)
6 days ago
Insurance companies are like "you give me money every month, and I'll use every legal means at my disposal to not give you what you're paying for"
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Strong floor, no ceiling, that’s the way I like to fuck
7 days ago
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Mario Kart Garfunkel
Harry Wallop
8 days ago
Great culture can save lives. Literally. Amazing letter in today’s
@thetimes.com
about Tom Stoppard
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Guy who insists on calling her Sabrina the Carpenter
8 days ago
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Losing my virginity to ChatGPT
8 days ago
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Listen, Santa, I can explain
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11 days ago
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@profanity.accountant
am I on the naughty or nice list this year?
11 days ago
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12 days ago
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Mario Kart Garfunkel
Big day for guys who will ask their family if they saw the FB meme they shared that was something like, “Couldn’t make a thanksgiving meal this year… my turkey identified as pardoned!!!!“
about 2 years ago
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MARK ZUCKERBERG [coming home late]: Oh, you’re still up? Everything okay? MARK’S WIFE [silently watching The Social Network]: It’s fine.
13 days ago
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Mario Kart Garfunkel
eStarland
13 days ago
🚨 BREAKING: Zohran Mamdani to require all NYC students to carry a 3DS.
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If you overheard John Mulaney and Don Knotts arguing in another room you wouldn’t be able to tell who’s who
14 days ago
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Is he strong? Listen, BUD. This guy’s got radioactive fucking blood. You better believe he’s strong.
16 days ago
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“Wouldst thou like the taste of butter?”
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17 days ago
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However much you hate this man, it’s not enough.
add a skeleton here at some point
19 days ago
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No matter what happens with the Epstein files, releasing them a week before Thanksgiving is really funny
20 days ago
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Do you think the mucinex guy has a cousin who’s made of cum
20 days ago
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Thunderstorms scare my dog which means I got to sleep with an extra pillow last night
22 days ago
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Mario Kart Garfunkel
shauna
24 days ago
secretary breakfast gin is having a phallic one
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And we thought the pee tapes were a big deal
25 days ago
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This is happening to me for real but it’s 67
26 days ago
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Just imagine if literally anyone—ANYONE—besides Hillary had been the Dems’ 2016 candidate.
27 days ago
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Mario Kart Garfunkel
nate
27 days ago
FROM:
[email protected]
TO:
[email protected]
SUBJ: Re: Did u get my last message?? yea plx dont email my fridge address
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Do the Dems have to listen to Schumer, just because he’s the leader? They can just ignore him, right?
29 days ago
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It’ll happen any day now
29 days ago
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This morning I saw a bald eagle standing over a carcass on the road while a bunch of vultures picked it clean, in case you were looking for any American metaphors today.
30 days ago
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A government shutdown is when a President gets to take his widdle nappy poo
add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 month ago
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reposted by
Mario Kart Garfunkel
batkaren
about 1 year ago
Today, the Puma Dimension (so named for being the only dimension without pumas) assured the multiverse that yes of course they still have other large predator cats, such as cheetahs and darcatas. “Darcatas?” asked everyone else.
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Mario Kart Garfunkel
Holiday Hannah Posts ❄️🎄🎁
about 1 month ago
The baby eats every 2 hours during the day. And every single time she starts to cry for a bottle, I say, "it can't be time for her to eat again." And every time I am wrong.
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add a skeleton here at some point
about 1 month ago
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Look, I know you’re only two years old, but you’re crying over the one thing they tell people not to cry over
about 1 month ago
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The worm in his brain is working overtime
add a skeleton here at some point
about 2 months ago
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I only follow the MRCU (Ms. Rachel Cinematic Universe)
about 2 months ago
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Deleted the Twitter app off my phone finally, though I didn’t deactivate my account. Holding out hope it won’t just be a neo-Nazi sludge pit someday.
about 2 months ago
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Definitely seen phases where (white) guys my age delighted in racist/sexist jokes before growing out of them, but never a full-on Nazi phase
add a skeleton here at some point
about 2 months ago
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Mario Kart Garfunkel
Branson COMMS OPEN
about 2 months ago
There needs to be more heavy music available for young people so they can rock out. Perhaps the government could step in and fund this. Whether or not they take advantage of it, young people deserve the option to rock out. All ages could benefit but I think it's especially urgent for adolescents.
add a skeleton here at some point
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Am I the only one willing to say it? “Change my mind” wasn’t Charlie Kirk’s thing. That was Steven Crowder.
add a skeleton here at some point
about 2 months ago
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If you don’t work with teenagers be glad you haven’t been subjected to 6-7
2 months ago
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Is the left taking frogs back from the right
add a skeleton here at some point
2 months ago
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My 2yo pointed up at the moon and said, “Egg!” I laughed at such a silly notion. But what if hatches
2 months ago
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I saw a former student share this image on FB and man… nothing feels so bleak
2 months ago
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It’s sort of breaking my psyche that there’s a fascist invasion of several major cities and I still have to go to work and pay bills and shit
2 months ago
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reposted by
Mario Kart Garfunkel
Ada Palmer
2 months ago
I see pieces like this a lot, often w/ a spin of lamenting cultural degeneration, but reading is a LABOR issue, it’s declined because so many people are working overtime or two jobs & employers expect after hours work. France has Earth’s highest reading rate b/c long lunch breaks & labor protections
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I stretched my arms up high and my 2yo pointed to my armpit hair and said, “Grass.”
2 months ago
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