uh my catholic dad was also born on the south side of chicago and is 69 years old, is HE trying to be the pope?? NO, cuz he’s humble and also dead

told my friend “if you’re still here, it’s not too late” which would be inspiring if i wasn’t referring to buying crocs

it’s actually good to have a little bit of cheese always burning at the bottom of your oven, that’s how you know your oven is ON

i like when a tv show has no clear setting and then you see a license plate and go “oh, wisconsin.”

but what if I’M the one who’s going to solve it by worrying about it? what then

someone I know saw Silence of the Lambs for the first time and this was their reaction to Buffalo Bill

dc area confirmed bisexual

cool show flier, who designed it? (derogatory)

I think it’s fly when girls stop by for the summer. But it ends there. this is a seasonal business.

[me, reading the news every morning]: hey quick question what the fuck

how dare anyone doubt our rodent king, he’s the only good leader we have rn

Saturday we’re back at Port City in Alexandria at 7:30! Featuring @randolphterrance.bsky.social @jennycavallero.bsky.social Come out and have fun for once in your life!

“let’s go girls” but i’m speaking to the baltimore ravens

will 2025 be the year my beautiful city of washington, dc reclaims its glory (gets a burger king)??

did you know if you’re having a bad day, you can put snoopy sheets on your bed??

whenever people answer like “eh, can’t complain!” it’s like ok try harder then. It’s so easy and often fun

tired of being resilient, in 2025 i’m being dijon mustard

i need a snow day, but for like 18 months

all i want is to play a human neighbor who lives in bert and ernie’s building, who used to know their names but it’s been too long to ask again, so i have to say things like, “look who it is. this guy.”

Please rate your pain on a scale of 1 to Luigi

aren’t you guys busy

the thing I have learned about it already being December is that time also flies when you are not having fun

i love an outdoor holiday market in dc. it’s freezing, its crowded, a bird might shit on a member of congress,

when you share a spotify

surely one screenshot can’t sum up the men i used to date-

Disabled people are creative and innovative in an inflexible, inaccessible world. Loud and proud in spite of being repeatedly shown we're not wanted or welcomed. Strong and resilient when odds are against us. And we are worthy of celebration on this International Day of Persons with Disabilities.

Black Friday Blacker Saturday Bigger and Blacker Sunday Cyber Monday Giving Tuesday WTF Did I Buy Wednesday Fraudulent Charge Thursday

putting on my little mittens and hat to brave the cold (go to taco bell) like my ancestors before me (alcoholics)

ya ever use a cyber monday coupon to buy your iron supplements and feel a rush (it’s the anemia)

is there a worse show to play in a doctor’s waiting room than “naked and afraid”?

3 books away from my reading goal for the year and then i’m buying myself a big sandwich

This is a sheep I know. His name is Lester.

"It's not the Americans With Special Needs Act, it's the Americans With Disabilities Act." Disability advocate @emilyladau.bsky.social on how disabled people like her have human needs, not "special needs. And also, "disability" is not a bad word! Video + subtitles. www.instagram.com/p/C-bAaDBOCU7/

happy cow truck day

asked a co-worker if he’d seen the movie of the year and he assumed i meant “wicked” when i meant “hot frosty”

[hears a commotion coming off the elevator] partner: i thought they didn’t allow kids in this building me: dogs. you’re thinking of dogs