Sometimes when Oliver platt is onscreen I pretend it’s @pftompkins.bsky.social for fun. It’s kinda like seeing a tribute band.

Bridget Jones is back ! She’s up to all her old tricks— falling down all over the place in front of her crush. Lol Bridget, lord help ya.

We all wanna see REM live so badly that we’ll pay $40 to see Micheal Shannon and the guy from superchunk cover Automatic for the People.

People in other cities post like:: Room in my house available in Ostrich Park, 6 blocks from the Banana Line, or 4 blocks from the funicular which goes to Soup Hill in 5 minutes - super convenient

When the most irresponsible person you know, who has moved 4 times in 3 years, announces they’re getting a dog (a breed that requires 3x the work of a normal dog 😞)

I love going to a “shoes off” house that’s also a filthy fuckin mess.

Kendrick did a song about his rival in mudd flare jeans and yr acting like he’s not also a degrassi drama queen.

You know what’s insane. Bob Dylan and Joe Pesci are the same age.

What if Tony didn’t get whacked OR arrested by the feds but instead… as soon as meadow sat down he ordered a burger and had what many have experienced as a moment of clarity in taking the first bite, realizing the cruel source of his meal & then he became the first Don of a plant based crime family

Stand up/yoga show: Hello, Is this thing Om? I might have produced something like this years ago but now I know that it’s just a passing private joke and I don’t need to will it into existence for the sake of a pun.

Dang I’m not sure if Wayne’s World translates at ALL for anybody under 30. Some of the gags will be evergreen funny, but the tone and plot is very specifically early 90s and would require a lot of context. Explaining cable access, those type of metal guys, the references.

Ive seen these guys who dangle from tall buildings for thrills. I wonder if they’ve ever gotten stoned and taken a shower … it’s also very thrilling !

I think it’s fly when girls stop by for the summer. But it ends there. this is a seasonal business.

I liked that movie Behind The Candle-a-bruh.

I smile at people on the street, not to be neighborly, but because I have a secret.

A good dog thing is when they’re excited to see you but continue to lay on their side and look at you and wag/thwack their tail against the couch without getting up.

I love that the biggest lesson we learned from legal weed is that we have been overdoing it for our whole lives because we had no concept of dosage. Imagine drinking “some alcohol” by the glass and hoping for the best outcome.

I started saying this today and it’s kinda stuck in my head : A cash infusion for a fashion cushion.

I will thoroughly examine any trash as long as it’s labeled “free”

I’m glad Bernie headlined the confirmation. Nobody was gonna be able to follow onesies.

OK, I understand that the price of eggs is being used as this ruler for measuring inflation at large But like , are people eating that many eggs? I’ve been very poor before and there’s a lot of stuff a person can eat for cheap besides eggs. What’s going on with the price of lentils?

Gonna have to skip the brutalist because the wrong people are talking about it and if it stands the test of time I’ll be reminded to see it later but I’ve been baited into this kind of thing before and really all I’m mostly hearing about is that it has an intermission. The BREAK is stealing the show

I read all the way thru and I don’t really detect anything beyond ending DEI in the military that this guy has planned. The double edge of hiring an inept loyalist is he prob doesn’t totally understand how the macro military works, or how to change it meaningfully.

I def wanna do a comedy festival. Who wouldn’t want to drive 8 hours and pay for a hotel for 3 nights so you can lock antlers with 40 other insecure ppl, in a heightened state of anxiety, so you can do 2 sets and make 3 friends who live in another state.

This thing about tweezing eyebrows too much and they don’t grow back… when does that kick in? Because I’ve been plucking my unibrow for like 28 years.

Adding to the overflow of shock and response content may make you feel good for a few seconds, but it's not really helping anyone. Don't fall into the pit of despair, climb out and rise up through organizing! Share resources! Support one another! Join an organization! Make art! Do mutual aid!

2025 is gonna be rough and full of terrible actions by Trump and his cronies...don't wear yourself out on week one. Triage! Do less... - Frantically sharing already over-posted shock content like the Elon Hitler salute. Do more... - Sharing community resources, action alerts, boosting organizers

With 30 seconds left in his presidency Joe Biden has pardoned his own French !

It’s funny he’s being inaugurated in the rotunda — cuz that man is quite -a -rotunda 👨‍🍳

Biden doing his final pass of the presidents quarters Unplugs the bedside lamp “Heh, try turning that on now”

It lasts for an hour with a minimal hangover, coke might instantly kill you these days, and there’s science to suggest it really does treat depression without zapping your libido into oblivion. You can call this recreational if you want, but I think there more to it.

Idk I think rocky has one more fight left in him.

REI is a store where I marvel at gear that I’ll never use like an ice axe or an arctic snow boot. But at LL bean, I can get a quilted snap up sweatshirt jacket, and then some very small carabiners at the register and I feel like sir Edmund Hillary.

It’s unfair that I sometimes have to interact with a 21 year old. I say things like “ya I haven’t seen that guy in 10 years” and it doesn’t mean a wildly different part of my life. It just means I had a dif apartment. For them it means they were in 5th grade & had only recently mastered the toilet

Greenland: nooo stopppp…. Yr so stupiddd lol…. What’s yr snap… omg that’s your handle… yr dumb… okay flick up with me for the culture … I’m up late always. Send me something

I recently learned the word “Lupine” as a way to describe guys that look like Donald Sutherland (kind of wolf like) but I’m still on the search for a word to describe these owl looking MFS.

Settling into a flight, I turn to my left and tearfully say “ the Wright brothers never got to see this”

I will not do another stand up show until it’s legal for all gay people to do it !!!

I’ve heard that lumbersexual is a thing. Does that refer to a lumbering idiot? Because if so, I’m the sexiest man alive.

I didn’t realize carrie underwood was expected to be the blonde country singer of the people’s uprising. What a betrayal that must be for Le resistance. They’ll have to abandon the anthem of the revolution “before he cheats”

They should remake Twins with Anna and Dasha.

Ugh I’m so relieved. I finally figured out my thesis for grad school. I’m gonna curate an exhibit of black and white images of DC punk in the 80s.

Oh god I have to confront my friend. He just posted a mirror selfie with his GF and the caption was “we clean up ok” … but they weren’t even that dressed up …

Publicly Venmo-ing my gf $1 with the memo “have a spa day on me baby, just cuz I love you”

the guy behind the bar was playing a lot of 90s bangers, not the typical stuff either, and I was like yaaa. He was also about 40 And I remembered being 21 in like 2005-every night, bartenders were playing Bryan Adams and Bon Jovi and we were like oooh 80s jams— but they were prolly just 40!!

Red sky in the day- sailors be gay. Red sky in the morny - sailors be horny.

The Amazon commercial where they buy a sportcoat for the janitor of Carnegie Hall so that he can play pretend onstage has got to be the bleakest, most oblivious advertising sentiment ever.

My favorite memes are when it’s some clunky, verbose quote like “we may not know who our true friends are, but in time, those who are true to us will reveal themselves, and those who are deceivers will do the same” And then it says - Jeremy k. Flooban Which is just the guy who made the meme

Oscar Meyer isn’t the most popular hot dog brand, not even close, but many people think it is. Another case of history being written by the weeners.

When you’re a French actor it’s like damned if ya Depardieu, damned if ya Depardont.