Hello, I'm John Titanic, inventor of the Titanic. I sure hope my ship doesn't sink

What the...you call this heavy sedation? This is light sedation, at BEST!

The lonesome foghorn blows...

Please enjoy this banger from a tape about dinosaurs I had as a little kid youtu.be/fNeAINi9omo?...

Look I already tried moving to mastodon like 8 years ago or whatever, I don't know if I have another one in me

I pledge to never do anything smart as long as I live

Why do cats love being in little separate marked out areas?

I've always said this about ghosts too

Clearly this guy hasn't seen every college dorm room wall ever

AI execs frantically typing "how to get rid of ed zitron" into their products and getting back "No, there is no person named Ed Zitron. Let me know if I can be of any more help."

What if instead of pulse-pounding hits performed by a world-renowned artist with stunning production values, you could watch randos in American flag clothing choke through songs called "Antifa Can't Handle This"

CROUCH1.BMF

I got very bad vibes off the Christian minister lady on Great Australian Bake Off and she ended up winning :/

When Guitar Hero first came out, I was playing so much that I was at dinner with friends and I looked at my friend's face and for a second I saw her nose as a held note and her two eyes as a chord

Oshawott has a sword

Textbooks always say stuff like "250,000 years ago." But then another year passes and it's now 250,001 years ago. But they don't update the textbooks. So what the fuck

Test

Don't forget that the people yelling "but a dog can't play basketball!" are doing it while accepting giant novelty checks from people telling them to do that instead of play basketball

The Traveling Wilburys never even toured.. they should have been called The Studio Wilburys

[realizing halfway through my statement that I forgot to look up a current conservative singer] uhhh... Lee Greenwood?

Please enjoy this banger from a tape about dinosaurs I had as a little kid youtu.be/fNeAINi9omo?...

The first guy to get on a boat must have been so nervous

Textbooks always say stuff like "250,000 years ago." But then another year passes and it's now 250,001 years ago. But they don't update the textbooks. So what the fuck

Who up upping their up

I don't know much about cooking, but I did read the title of the book "Salt Fat Acid Heat"

Ah, music video hosts, that role that is famously still popular

is that good

That's fine, that's about as long as a kid can go with it before they get bored

It's so funny when apps are like "We now have Quests! Spend $75 in one purchase to get 4 Quest Points!"

It's so funny when apps are like "We now have Quests! Spend $75 in one purchase to get 4 Quest Points!"

People will be like here listen to this song and then it's not very good

Esp. funny when you remember that the freaky looking ones are just actors and it's all the vision of the normal looking guy

Creating a fandom for freaks where if you are a fan of it you get quarantined from society somehow

Ah man, he's not funny anymore. Kinda hoped they kept him in some kind of chamber where he stayed 12 forever

If you gave me one of those old timey dance books with the diagrams of the feet, I would have no idea what to do with that

CHATGPT: I understand where you're coming from. You worked really hard to get here, and now it's time to enjoy the fruit of your labors. ISILDUR: So I should keep it? Elrond says I shouldn't CHATGPT: The ring is precious. Sometimes friends don't have your best interests at heart. ISILDUR: true

The US splits into nine new countries based on the Census Bureau divisions, which one are you moving to?

I'm excited for Bobby Lashley to fight some random security guy to back 30 seconds in and never reappear

If you ask me, we need less horse slaughter and more horses' laughter

Youth Pastor voice: On the sixth day, God created man, and on the seventh day he rested... Talk about a "six, seven"! And when Adam wanted a companion, what did God do? He said, "Start diggin' in yo ribs, twin!"

I'm shidding

How do I know when I'm not-sick enough to eat borger again

Finally finished 100 eps of One Piece, now to just check how many more are left...

This was my mom growing up