Excellent birthday present from @squeezy.bsky.social who has been taking advantage of my oblivousness to sneakily work away in her studio

Have just noticed that one of the main things taking up space on my phone is a 25-minute video of the inside of my coat pocket from 4 years ago

One of the best things I've heard this year, aptly unsettling doom from @blackknoll.bsky.social and @penelopetrappes.bsky.social irisarri.bandcamp.com/track/repris... youtu.be/fcot_TVLzDY?...

French krautrock! two drummers! one kick drum! two simultaneous measures! shouting! Little House on the Prairie! www.youtube.com/watch?v=lB6b...

This is what every tech company advert looks like now

TIL 'nonce' is short for 'non-prince'

- Charles & Eddie's 'Would I Lie To You?' is about her - has repellent alter-ego 'Sweary Mary Berry' - features in 86% of jigsaw puzzles made in Vietnam - mostly bipedal - left thumb is formed in the shape of a meter cabinet key

Listening to a podcast yesterday about Eyam, where in 1665 lots of people fell ill after the delivery of a bundle of cloth, and was reminded of my similar experience of mysteriously falling ill after the delivery of 300 stroopwafels.

Heck of a photofit on an old Crimewatch.

In an uncharacteristic turn of events, I'm sorting out Christmas stock early (for me - apparently 'the normals' do this sort of thing months in advance). Behold, my shiny trinkets. Long, tedious hours at the saw and diamond polisher await as I get these ready to be made into necklaces.

I miss AI Brendan

Meanwhile in Cornwall

Well my typewriter is working Just Fine Thankyou

Been tinkering in the workshop with @nibus.bsky.social, evidently I'm going through my Blue Period

In the workshop where @squeezy.bsky.social is using up offcuts of glass to excellent effect

this has absolutely killed me

Facebook becoming black market for 'carpet dust'

Bullseye: "freighted with centuries of misery"

THE SENTINEL WAITS FOR PASSING MEATS

'Granny's fallen! What do we do?!' *types into phone 'granny fallen, what do we do* AI: 'remove granny safely from floor using hair method, check tumsy for stab wounds, put her in small bath of water at 80⁰C, let greeny rast, return her to hutch'

Worst Bilbo Baggins tribute speech ever

Yesterday my etsy shop had preciously one view. (And i think that was probably me) If you like my stuff please repost. An eccentric millionaire with lots of empty wall space could be scrolling your timeline right now. marswasrubbish.etsy.com/listing/1579...

How corporations work: client wanted to change spelling (one letter!) of *one word* in their UI - now 9 people are involved and I've had to write them all a 500-word email.

Writers should simply put every unnecessary word in parentheses, for those of us who want to ingest the information quickly.

LET'S FUCKING GO

Describe your Bluesky account in a single image.

Have never listened to any albums by Bowie, Radiohead, The Smiths or Prince

today's kiln firing is a bunch of random things - we'll see tomorrow morning what sort of mess the kiln fairies have made

aye am always giving Janet in the off-licence 3 gas bills and my birth certificate if I want some gin

Last three payments I’ve made online via my banking app have had to go through a “yes I’m not being scammed” interstitial, and yet when I pay the Thames Water bill that has gone up 25% for fuck all, not a peep out of the bank

imagine finding grant mitchell from eastenderses diary and instead of gossip it just said 6 october: ian beals mot 9 october: janis joplin lookalike competition 14 october: speeding course matlock travelodge youd throw it away

I'm using this quiet time to shamefully admit that during a match against South Harting FC in 1997, I did partake of a half-time orange

this is fucking magic @marksmusic1977.bsky.social could be up your street www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRyK...

Just writing "Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music" in an alt text and autocomplete suggested "Julie Burchill" instead. I cannot imagine anything funnier or worse.

A smarter person than me will work out why signatures on the digital ID petition are less concentrated in urban centres (measured in percentage of constituents; darker = higher percentage)

Absent-mindedly got dressed in the wrong order and now my day is ruined

Back in our workshop today, after 18 months or so. Lots of unfinished glass stuff of varying quality. Common themes: a) copper & teal, b) mess

None of this should work but it works perfectly

Amelia Earhart implies the existence of Janet Noseliver Betty Eyespleen Edith Throatkidneys [5 hours later] Condoleezza Tonguepancreas

local FB group reacts to digital ID proposal

CHICKEN BIRYANI KEEMA NAAN FOSTER'S

oh just fuck off

whens this rupture business happening then cos i just opened a multipack of penguins

Nobody is getting up on it like this for the mix anymore, and that's sad.

thought I'd found an eyeball on the garden path but it was actually just two slugs eating a grape

logging on just in time for Will Stancil Shitting Yet Another Bed hour

[looks at the things] would quite like just to opt out of today, please and thank you