Scotland subreddit an absolute state this morning

when you're trying to play maptap at 4am

Happy Boards of Canada day!

One of the reasons I admire and revere @squeezy.bsky.social is for her acceptable trampolining, as documented by her PE report from 1991

Let's see what AI thinks of Fiona Bru...oh

Headlines I never imagined I'd see, no. 743

tuesday

Purchased a Temu knock off of a board game just to see what would arrive. The back of the box is littered with typos, but this is the best.

The reason the sunny weather makes me feel depressed is the same reason NYE used make me feel like shit-it's the idea that if you don't have the best time ever then what's the point of you? Like, fuck off, Debbie, I'm ginger, I'm staying out the sun cos I dont want a face like a leathery old handbag

PSA: Rabbits are complex and expensive and require constant vigilance, they are not vehicles for superficial mawkish philosophy about your parenting skills. Also they are *terrible* pets for children.

Legend has it Poundland adopted the laurel wreath as its logo because Scipio Africanus used to love to pop in to pick up some glitter pens and a multipack of Tangy Toms for the lads in between Punic Wars.

Meanwhile in Gloucestershire

Introduce yourself with 10 bands that don't exist: 1. Pam Shambala 2. Hengeworks IV 3. Botanical Nosepaste 4. Thumpcopter '45 5. Bill Cresswell & Mike Bennett 6. Pigpogget 7. Ultra Fingerpimples 8. MOTHGOBLIN 9. Metal Stovies 10. The Incredible Kingstanding Binmen's Throat Choir ft Beverley Craven

Fuck all of you horrific bigots

Burial, Hefner, The The plus although they're from Nottingham, Tindersticks always sound like London

we've reached peak reaction

mf just wrote 'baptits church' on whatsapp

CHAOS WITHOUT ED MILIBAND

A Mr Meter Pandelson has been announced as the new Health Secretary

Spent the whole morning hyperfocusing on stuff for my 11.30 meeting, which resulted in me completely missing my 11.30 meeting

Wes Streeting is resigning to spend more time with his new furniture brand

🎶Davis on a Segway I know, I know It's really serious🎶

made dinner ate dinner burped

Wes Streeting's favourite multipack is "The Best of Plain Crisps"

11 years later and we're still on for chaos with Ed Miliband

Have tried to complete one of these every World Cup since Spain '82, but decided not to do 2026 because a) it's too bastard expensive and b) fuck FIFA

Is anyone keeping track of the number of blinders played?

Kitchen experts - that black juice that's seeped out of your old potatoes that were left in the bottom of the fridge while you were away for a week - can it be turned into a refreshing drink?

[director] right Wesley, you stand in front of this green screen and we'll add the interior of Satan's arsehole later

Idea for a tv show: really famous artists send their demos to record labels anonymously and see what happens

FUCK YES (I may be saying this a lot)

Just took my 3,000 year old mummy to vote. She's registered cursed. In a dark unearthly voice she asked "what box to put a hex on archaeologists?" There were cheers from the waiting curators of the British Museum.

"I'd like to ask Keir Starmer why he's so fucking crap"

Morrissey's had some work done

Zack Polanski stole my dinner money and spent it on Lego, says petrified gravy train passenger

Happy Dawn Chorus day!

Last night's dream: was stuck in White House kitchen with trouserless Donald Trump, who provided the following insight: "Wanna know why I go to the toilet so much? Cos I eat so many clams"

sounds grim but at 10p I couldn't resist

Into his 68th hour of watching LIVE GRAVY FROM CARSHALTON on ITV3+1

TBH after a rough day I just like a cup of tea and a mint Club, not 'suddenly' 90 minutes of watching myself flirt very competently with dead but photorealistic Marilyn Monroe

Garden curated by @squeezy.bsky.social has come alive this week

Well this is... something

top quality OCR there, thanks Acrobat

FUCK YES (slight return) www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9h6...