how many of ur medications fit as knuc tats? i got 4, the most famous of which being ESTR OGEN, but i’m also enjoying LAMI CTAL

jen was like “omg what if you were tall?” 😳 and he got really scared. and he said “you would have a horrible personality if you were tall” and i asked why, and he said “your whole thing only works cuz you’re short”

suburban chicago t4t drag couple named Crystal Lake and Forest Park

Horse, Rider and Clown (Le cheval, l'écuyère et le clown) from Jazz, 1947 https://botfrens.com/collections/48/contents/1165522

Renee Nicole Good was killed by ICE. We demand full accountability and ICE out of our communities immediately.

banning X is a national security issue for every country, plain and simple its explicit goal is to amplify and empower the largest Nazi-adjacent party in every country in which it operates it is also the largest deepfake porn generator in the world this is not a difficult call to make

there are always recurring elements in all my dreams, and right now a fictional person keeps showing up. she's always the friend of a friend, but my friend keeps changing, so we've been in lots of situations together: coworkers, bridesmaids, etc but the nightmare element: i can't remember her name

gen alpha chicagoan: can i get uhhh two-tree six-seven?

the church bells by my house are like my favorite thing ever, but they’re still doing christmas carols. i know christmas is your time to shine but we gotta move on

GOOD NIGHT, HERMAN

you ever type out a text to someone, and then say no, let’s delete that and open my DBT workbook instead

CARTOON/HOBBES2.GIF

i promise i’ll turn it out i PROMISE!!!

addicted to saying “what the hell” in tim robinson’s voice

my current everyday carry

32-Year-Old Still Not Entirely Sure Where Body Stands With Lactose https://theonion.com/32-year-old-still-not-entirely-sure-where-body-stands-w-1819579544/

matt asked me to put on something stupid so he could take a nap on my lap. so i put on real housewives of salt lake city, and soon he’s like “so those are their husbands?” and “do they have jobs?”

can’t sleap because i’m caughing and sneasing

happy new year

Who can ever forget this banger. We lost a real one.

hey i have a lot to offer… i can host, i can drive, and i can top. like i’m kind of the glue holding our community together

i can’t get into tea, no offense. normal, cold water is my favorite beverage, and tea is like “what if water was too hot to drink and also there was dirt in it”

i am constantly pushing the boundaries on how many hours constitutes as a day. currently going to bed 11 hours after i woke up

once the vet was looking at pepsie’s mouth: vet: oh! looks like her front teeth are gonna fall out someday! :) me: oh…? is there anything i should do? vet: nope! not preventable but not an issue :) so sometimes i look at pepsie and tell her her conventionally good looks are on a time limit

she’s monitoring my unpacking very closely to make sure i’m not actually packing to leave again

so not a SINGLE person was like “let’s take ‘spongebob big guy pants ok’ back to the drawing board for a second”

me on sniffies with the intent of completely wasting a man’s time: hey

thank you, tim robinson. i love you too

i have been exceedingly 32 years old this past month (excitedly telling all my friends about the new probiotic i found)

the humidity in south texas has been so good for my hair

the tiny hours we know to be small

charli tweeting “kamala is brat” was my 9/11

going through screenshots; really wish i knew who i was saying this to on january 16, 2023. raise your hand if this was you

Good morning to service people working today!! Wishing you a merry customers be nice to you and a happy new money in your pocket 🎄✨

THINGS/DEATHACE.GIF

had such a traumatic dream about pepsie dying i don’t want to celebrate christmas anymore. or smile or have fun ever again

1. fuck off loser 2. “internet chatrooms” feels like scare tactic phrase from like 1995 lmao

Love has no gender🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈 Love is love❤️ love you all🤍 Merry Merry⭐️✨

friend

there are these really rude europeans at the airport making fun of dunkin’ donuts, and they are also denying me personal space in the queue suddenly i’m defending certain american values. like dunkin’ donuts and several feet of personal space

listening to music by transgender women lately is like: “(feat. Danny Brown)”

amazing photo on spanish wikipedia's chinchilla article

she has come to monitor my screen time from 6 inches away

it feels like my coworker just had a baby, but now he’s 1? what’s next, he’ll be 2? this is madness

in chicago they want transgender for everybody. everybody transgender