Seeing one of the more recent Star Warses with my parents. When Kylo Ren took off his mask and revealed the face of Adam Driver my mom yelled "EW!" in the packed but silent theater

Feels like women's clothes in 2025 only come in two styles: 1. black/cream/beige athleisure basics 2. clown clothes

If you and I ever find ourselves in a survival situation, I want you to eat my body if I die. I mean, please don't kill me, but if I croak, eat it all and enjoy it! I'll be dead, I won't care! Is this skeet legally binding

My 16-yr-old cousin informed me that jeans are cringe and "too dressy" and that sweatpants are the only acceptable pant. Parents of teens: is this true across the board?

Just tried Marmite for the first time. Now I'm obsessed and gonna put it on EVERYTHING

Babies being born now will have never lived in a world without Gritty and I think that's beautiful

This is MY Spotify Wrapped

My right wing aunt asked me in hushed tones over the holiday: "Are things really as bad in Chicago as they say on the news?" lol

🎶"Staaaand and deliver your money or your life"🎶

"strong floor, no ceiling" is when you do your kegels but you're also a dumb as fuck airhead

I got another coffee That wasn't very smart Cuz when I have two coffees I get palpies in my heart Burma Shave

What if I was Master Shake in black jeans What if I was Meatwad it's no myth

I confess I find every word out of this man's mouth more and more tiresome every year.

I did it! I called the cable company and canceled my service and I lived!

do u think Fudge Hatcher was audhd or just a little prick

Gaze upon these owls and be revived

Deeply and truly understanding Blanche DuBois these days. Please do not look at my agèd twisted visage unless it's under the soft dim backlighting of my bedroom light fixture

I thought this place was uncool, and then I got on Threads

Yeah.

just wondering how the "bing bong, fuck ya life" guys are doing

if we could just go like one calendar year without any more obscenely wealthy perverts we could get back to discussing what matters: the mob, the isabella stewart gardner museum heist, and where the HELL those paintings wound up

Montrose Beach in Chicago last night!

Just revamped my resume. How does it look?:

When and why did people start constantly using the phrase "warm beverage"? It's a hot beverage. Nobody drinks anything warm ffs

pork & beans

I have a long and glorious history of hating Jeremy Renner. Today is my day to shine.

Very sincerely love this for him

Happy 40th birthday to Cruiser’s Creek by The Fall, released on this day in 1985 #FallFriday (Thread)

Ah yes, the two genders

When you’re at the hardcore show trying to ignore the pit next to you

Alan, it’s time

Gonna plan an entire vacation around pissing on Dick Cheney's grave

hear me out: ICE whistle jibbitz

This song played the main role in my dream last night. www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFac...

The Fart of Ophelia

Is baseball over? Is it safe to get on social media again?

DAVID LETTERMAN: /rapping stack of notecards on his desk Gooners. Paul, you know about these gooner guys?? PAUL SHAFFER: Ha ha ha LETTERMAN: Gooners... /Band plays four bars of Michael Jackson's "Beat It"

I'm unwavering in my belief that all kids need and deserve 1. toys 2. books 3. CANDY. This take sucks fckin shit!!! GIVE KIDS CANDY ON HALLOWEEN!

I have no idea who Olivia Reingold is and am going to keep it that way.

I'm now "LL Bean clothing is starting to look great to me" years old

Finally had to message a friend and gently tell her to stop falling for AI videos

Pietà

it’s never good when a guy goes by three names and one is tyler

"mister gorkabov, tear down that wall"

Just had a chilling thought that there is someone lurking out there in the world that doesn't like Teenage Fanclub's "Bandwagonesque"

people playing music/videos on their phone speakers in public is more than just mildly annoying and is instead a leading indicator of the decline of community and empath

Oh no, now TikTok wellness grifters will tell you how you should be shitmaxxing

good time to repost this

A Chicago chocolatier is standing up to pro-ICE online trolls who have bombarded her business with bad reviews — and her sales are up. blockclubchi.co/4hiYGED